Death has bad aim
Eric was this guy...like a funny gnome to have around. I havent known him very long..ya know.. this winter is all. Died in his sleep last night. Much in the same way i almost did. He had to take xanax whether he was addicted or not-i wont know. He had a perscription. He seemed sad about something all the time. Tho its just not up on the surface screaming at you.. again ...much like myself. My good friend Ben has known him longer..for a few years he was bens only friend. Ben says he{eric} had trouble sleeping lately. If youre on downers...and you take more downers to put yourself to sleep...youre taking a risk. I think Eric knew this..he knew his chemical limits due to his weight and whatnot. he had been on Xanax for years... He knew how much he could withstand. Im not saying anything else. make your own conclusions.
Ben was here.. i didnt know what to do..so i did nothing. I just tried to act like nothing was wrong..not wallow in it and get it all over my clothes. I figured ben wouldnt be able to articulate how he felt anyway. He walks in... wakes me up calmy "eric died last night"....we talked about it for an hour or so. Then just let it sit there... sometimes its the best thing to do. I see it ..he sees it..we cant change it..why rub any more salt in it. i hope it was the right thing. just letting go of the subject for the rest of the evening. i can see the Dimness in Bens eyes. He doenst know it but im scanning him the whole time we are watchin cartoons. I dont think hes hiding anything..which is good. anything thats gonna grow in his mind at this point has some pretty sour ground to work with.. not good for suicidal thoughts...which people who depend on things like Depacote and zoloft........and xanax. are trying to relieve...trying to escape from when taking these perscriptions. Those end of the world...can it get any worse?....life has no flavor - thoughts. kinda sounds like trying to put out a fire with gasoline doesnt it? I know Bens in pain. We always look for ways to ease it...whatever pain it is..whether its loneliness..or the absence of love..self loathing....missing friends. We always medicate...bandage...escape. I wonder how bens going to do it? Its times like these when every little thing counts a tons one way or the other when making decisions. I hope i did the right thing for Ben.
tried to make him laugh some before he left.. it worked...his world-our world no longer has that happy gnome...but everything else is still here...i just wanted himto know that.instead of seeing erics death staining everything.. i hope i did the right thing. guess theres nothign to do but wait and see.
Ben was here.. i didnt know what to do..so i did nothing. I just tried to act like nothing was wrong..not wallow in it and get it all over my clothes. I figured ben wouldnt be able to articulate how he felt anyway. He walks in... wakes me up calmy "eric died last night"....we talked about it for an hour or so. Then just let it sit there... sometimes its the best thing to do. I see it ..he sees it..we cant change it..why rub any more salt in it. i hope it was the right thing. just letting go of the subject for the rest of the evening. i can see the Dimness in Bens eyes. He doenst know it but im scanning him the whole time we are watchin cartoons. I dont think hes hiding anything..which is good. anything thats gonna grow in his mind at this point has some pretty sour ground to work with.. not good for suicidal thoughts...which people who depend on things like Depacote and zoloft........and xanax. are trying to relieve...trying to escape from when taking these perscriptions. Those end of the world...can it get any worse?....life has no flavor - thoughts. kinda sounds like trying to put out a fire with gasoline doesnt it? I know Bens in pain. We always look for ways to ease it...whatever pain it is..whether its loneliness..or the absence of love..self loathing....missing friends. We always medicate...bandage...escape. I wonder how bens going to do it? Its times like these when every little thing counts a tons one way or the other when making decisions. I hope i did the right thing for Ben.
tried to make him laugh some before he left.. it worked...his world-our world no longer has that happy gnome...but everything else is still here...i just wanted himto know that.instead of seeing erics death staining everything.. i hope i did the right thing. guess theres nothign to do but wait and see.