Friendship

[brioi]

I seem to only write in this thing when I’m depressed or going through something where I feel it is beneficial to vent what is on my mind. I had made the decision to delete this thing because I felt that no one really reads it, or probably even cares. Today I came to the computer, feeling that familiar need to purge some inner negativity, and

Comments

[bobbie_g]

Hey Brioi,

Things will go on getting better, I am confident of that. Though I know that there are testing times ahead, I am assured that it will always be for a good reason.

My turn around was interesting. As you may or may not know two years ago I was in a really bad place, very ill, and tricked into and trapped in a very bad relationship. That summer I felt like my very self, my very being was being ripped to shreads, and that if something didn't change fast there would be nothing but a empty shell left. It was the lowest point I've ever been to in my entire life. I realised something had to be done, but I was completly trapped by fear so it took me a while to break off the relationship, something I could not have done without the support of my family. I saw the way that they (especially my mum) still loved me and cared for me even though they and I were well aware that I was doing things that hurt them. Over the months after that relationship ended things got better, but not completly - I was once again able to function as a human being, go to uni, feed myself, etc.. But I was still unhappy. I knew I was doing all the things that the world said I should be doing to be satisfied and fufilled, but I wasn't. There was still an emptyness in me. Then at Christmas I went with my parents to a Christmas Carol service and it was so different, there was a real joy and peace and I knew I could feel the holy spirit moving, even though I refused to admitt it. I went back to uni, and made the new years resolution to listen to my feelings/sensings more because not doing so had got me into so much trouble. Then a few weeks later I had the real strong urging that I HAD to go to church, though I battled it because I "didn't believe in all that stuff". But eventually I gave in and went and hid in the back of the first church that I heard of and prayed that if God was real he would not let me sit on my own like I so often used to do as a teenager in church. But someone who I barely knew from my course came up to me and invited me to sit with her & a load of other students. So I sat through the service feeling like a lost cause, realising that I believed in Jesus but knowing that I had messed up so bad in his eyes and I was sure that there was no way back. Then God really met with me and showed me that all of that was forgivable, that as soon as I turned to him and admitted that I had been living in a way that was displeasing to him he would forgive me because of the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. So I turned to him and he really met with me in a very profound way. I got invited to an Alpha course, and bit by bit over the following weeks I left behind the things that I knew were displeasing to God and I learnt more about him and his complete acceptance of me. Then at the end of my uni term I went back to Canterbury and met a couple of Christians who really knew God, really had an intimate relationship with him, and they started to teach me and guide me. I felt led to read a book by a guy called Neil Anderson and the truth that it contained about my acceptance in Christ, my authority as a believer, and the power that Christ has given me to permit and deny things in my life set me on the road to freedom. Up to that point I had still been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts, and friends had powerfully prayed over that, but one night when I was being tormented by all the old thoughts I suddenly realised that I didn't have to put up with it, and so I rebuked it in the name of Jesus and instantly it broke! I've ben 100% free of depression, anorexia, suicidal thoughts, self injury urges ever since that night! I am still so amazed at just how powerfully God set me free. Only through the authority that Jesus won for me on the cross could that ever happen! I was such a lost cause but now I'm not (lol, i get very excited talking about that because I know if God can do it for me then he can and will do it for others)...