Does anyone get it?

[brioi]

It is very apparent to me that I am not seen by some of those that I call friends, as I would like to be. It may be my fault; in fact I know that it is. However, I feel somewhat incapable of altering my circumstance at the moment. I’m doing the best that I can with what I have. I want to be there for my friends in a much better way than I am able.

Comments

[dbrose]

B

Re:

[brioi]

I don’t think that you should deny how you feel about anything. If you can’t be honest with me, than what kind of friendship do we have? I understand what you are saying. One thing that you don’t see on my end, are that those times when we do talk, however very little they may seem, are there because I’ve gone out of my way to do all that I can so that I can have some sort of communication with you. I do the best I can. It seems that no matter what efforts that I make, you are going to continue to compare me to how I was when I first met you, when I had all the free time in the world compared to now. I don’t have that ability at the moment. I’m sure that this won’t be forever, but for the moment I really don’t have much control over this

Re:

[brioi]

Part II of previous post

Re:

[dbrose]

when I said 'if I need to let you go..' I didnt say that as a reaction towhat you said, or that you cant give me as much time.. I said that because its a thought that has crept into my head at times, not because I want to not be your friend or because I think it wouldnt affect me to not have you part of my life. Its because I dont see how I can do anything good for you, or for anyone else. Im a worthles failure and the world would be better of without me. I feel like Im standing on the moon screaming for help, but the world can not hear me. no matter what I cant think of what I can do to communicate across the vacum through which no sound can pass. I so desperatly want to be heard and have someone or somethng show me the way back home, safe on earth with other people, not stuck out on a barren landscape isolated off from those that I want to be close to. But all my attempts ram back and hit me in the face.. it turns out that I cant get myself heard because niether you or anyone else can read my thoughts when Im cut off and so far away

Re:

[dbrose]

believe me when I say that I am way more confused.. I havent an idea whats going on. I wish my head wouldstop hurting so I could think and reply to you properly

You do know that I love you B? Just as much as i ever had, I think more of you than I would have deemed possible.. I love you, I wish I didnt keep making a mess of things.