sigh
So I haven't posted in a really long time. So many things have been happening lately it's just been intense i guess. I don't remember if i've talked about grace's wedding or not but it was alright except for the sleeping arrangements and such. I was just really uncomfortable and that was not fun but it's alright now. Maritza and I have been getting a long a lot better at least that's my opinion. I don't have a ton of money to spend on for her birthday and that really makes me sad. This is probably the first year that I don't have a real job to be able to pay for some cool stuff for her birthday :( that's really sad to me. Yesterday was awesome though because we decided to sponsor a little girl from guatemala. The international children's choir came to chapel and performed yetserday they were soo cute and i loved it. So i felt God told me to sponsor someone and Maritza and I picked up a little girl named Flor. We're both excited to be able to give her stuff for her birthday and Christmas and everything nad to be able to send her letters. That's really cool. So I hope that she enjoys whatever we get her and that God provides a way for me in order to pay the fee each month. Yesterday was also really good because for the first time in a while I really worked out to my full potential i think...or at least close if not all the way. I ran a mile in under 15 min which is a big accomplish for me 14:45 because I haven't run in awhile, it'll get better I'm sure, and I did a bunch of arm weights, then i did 75 sit ups. After that I was done so i went back to the dorm and later on I helped maritza with selena and we did the thriller dance. I need work on that but I'm kinda getting it it's just really hard because it's so quick. I'm excited to go to practice on saturday just to be able to review on how to do it. The only thing is that rehearsal will probably be a little akward because of heather. she decided to move out of our dorm. why i have no idea but i can guess. i'm almost positive it had to do with me. i didn't know i was so horrible to live with...but i guess i am. I really hate this feeling of not being liked, but i'm also just so mad about the whole situation because it's like she was at fault too. she was almost always in a bad mood and it felt like i couldn't ever talk to her. i never knew what kind of mood she was in so i just gave up on trying to tlak to her and hang out with her. she just changed i guess idk. and then it wasn't fair that she always had people over and were keeping us up at night, and going out at night and making a bunch of noise in the morning. and i reallly hated when she excluded herself to the back room that's not cool to act all anti-social and then complain about us. plus she gave me a huge attitude tuesday when i asked her to clean something and she didn't even want to her excuse for never doing it was that we always had finished by the time she got back....well duh she was never available and never there to lend a hand! what were we supposed to do? wait and get a bad rating for having a dirty dorm? i think not! ugh. it was really annoying i couldn't take it. so now i have this anger because i feel like it's not fair that we gave her a chance to live with us and she somewhat threw it away for just made it seem like we were these horrible people...and we're not! we are capabale of living with people! i don't need her spreading rumors that we were horrible and have more people think badly about us...it's really not fair. I mean i feel cheated because i prayed so hard about this semester and that it would be a great one and that we'd all get along and have fun and this is just turning out to be really gay. maritza's really upset about this and it's making me feel really bad. I don't want her to feel upset! that's not fair for her. she just wants to have friends and i feel like im responsible for this. sigh. i'm so frustrated and upset and just dont' know what to do about this. I really dont. i just want maritza to have a really good birthday next thursday and if she doesn't then i'll feel like she got cheated out of something awesome! :( not to mention the money i'm already stressing out about. I really need the money for us to be able to come back next semester. what am i supposed to do? where am i supposed to get loans? i'm so scared. i'm so just everywhere right now. i'm feeling lost nad uncertain and scared and frustrated and i just dont want to explode i dont' want that anger coming out of me again. i dont' want maritza to hurt anymore...i dont' want to be a monster. I haven't done anything lik ethat in a while and i dont 'want it to start agian. sigh. this relaly relaly sux.