So what is it exactly that you do want? Are two books and a CD really all that much of an inconvenience? Why not, the next time Christmas comes around, simply tell your mum what you'd like? If she's not the kind to ask, suggest it at some point in the run-up. Mention you're not sure what's going to be happening with regard to where you're living, and you'd like to keep items like books and such down to a minimum. You don't need to relate it to previous gifts at all.
I'm not familiar with your situation, so any advice I give can only be general at best. It seems to me that you're creating a lot of stress on yourself with how you are currently handling things.
Odds are your mum will continue to buy and send you presents. If you don't want her to, simply tell her. If this causes problems, remember that it's not a reflection on you, but rather that your mum is lacking something and instead of dealing with her own issues, she is using this as a means of distracting herself. If things are bad enough between you that you want no contact at all, then would it really be so bad to go through a brief encounter in which she becomes upset, as opposed to what you're doing to yourself at the moment?
If I take an action, and people react in a set fashion, of which I am aware of before I take that action, the responsibility for the ultimate repercussions is mine.
Setting wheels in motion, then washing my hands of it and claiming 'well, they could have chose differently (assuming it's possible for them to act against their nature), not my problem' is a pretty strong definition of irresponsibility.
To do something, and only accept responsibility for the *immediate* consequences is to disregard the notion of cause and effect.
Agreed. But your responsibility can only go so far. Your first and foremost responsibility is to your own wellbeing. If you suffer continually, then any good you can do for yourself or for others will be diminished.
Frankly, holding on to anything negative in your life, even if you're doing it to avoid causing other problems, is unhealthy and should be avoided. How many of us have heard stories of unhappy marriages, held together "for the sake of the children" which end up causing more harm than good in the long-term.
Your family should care more than you're happy than that you'll maintain false pretenses. If they don't, well, most people know my own views on family. Love and respect, in my opinion, are not things to be assumed simply because you're related.
However, it sounds like you have very little contact with your mum all in all anyway. I imagine the odds are slim she'll make many visits to Canada, and your chances of moving back to Ireland seem slim. Does she need to know if you pass on gifts she's given you?
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Odds are your mum will continue to buy and send you presents. If you don't want her to, simply tell her. If this causes problems, remember that it's not a reflection on you, but rather that your mum is lacking something and instead of dealing with her own issues, she is using this as a means of distracting herself. If things are bad enough between you that you want no contact at all, then would it really be so bad to go through a brief encounter in which she becomes upset, as opposed to what you're doing to yourself at the moment?
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This is largely not an option due to the stress it'll inflict upon the rest of my family.
What I'm trying to avoid, by and large, isn't whether or not I have to listen to her whine.
I mean, I have zero issues with simply hanging up if she calls.
The issues at stake are the repercussions for the rest of my family who will have to continue to deal with her....
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If I take an action, and people react in a set fashion, of which I am aware of before I take that action, the responsibility for the ultimate repercussions is mine.
Setting wheels in motion, then washing my hands of it and claiming 'well, they could have chose differently (assuming it's possible for them to act against their nature), not my problem' is a pretty strong definition of irresponsibility.
To do something, and only accept responsibility for the *immediate* consequences is to disregard the notion of cause and effect.
Reply
Frankly, holding on to anything negative in your life, even if you're doing it to avoid causing other problems, is unhealthy and should be avoided. How many of us have heard stories of unhappy marriages, held together "for the sake of the children" which end up causing more harm than good in the long-term.
Your family should care more than you're happy than that you'll maintain false pretenses. If they don't, well, most people know my own views on family. Love and respect, in my opinion, are not things to be assumed simply because you're related.
However, it sounds like you have very little contact with your mum all in all anyway. I imagine the odds are slim she'll make many visits to Canada, and your chances of moving back to Ireland seem slim. Does she need to know if you pass on gifts she's given you?
Reply
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