Don't bother I'll be fine

[brilliant_laced]

I was practically force fed chocolate cake from Chili's. About 1/2 a cake is 635. So that was more then I ate all day. I even got the healthy chicken sandwhich was only 420 and i didn't even eat all of it i just loaded up on the steemed brocoli and was pretty excited that I was able to go out, not look stupid because I couldn't eat a lot and have

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In response

[ariannahhh]

First of all, I appreciate how you worded your email to me. Yours was written in a polite way, not like the other one that was sent to me.

I'm a bit confused though because I've just read your journal, and I remember when you joined proanorexia. You say that you hate your calves and your body and you want to lose and that 90lbs will never happen. ??? And how will eating 'kill you'?

I understand that you seem to have just been through something really difficult and perhaps that is why you can't eat without feeling sick, but you said you also WANT to lose weight and said you generally eat between 500 -800 calories. That's not 1000 like you told me I should eat.
And I also understand that when we are so hurt, we do things to ourselves that we wouldn't normally do. Perhaps that is why I am like this now? Do you agree that is possible?

Because I am going through something very difficult right now too. The stress over not having a job right now because they fired me when I had to stay home with my daughter who is sick most of the time with one thing or another and I refused to let her be sick at daycare; and in a couple days I won't have a place to live because I can't pay my rent, and the fact that my daughter is emotionally torn over my leaving her daddy (my ex-husband); and my ex-husband wanting me back when I just don't love him anymore because of the emotional and mental abuse he put me through for 6 years....etc...etc....

We all have issues and we are all trying to deal with them. And I am not doing anything overly wrong this time around. I eat a lot of veggies and chicken and soup and tuna...and I DO allow my little girl junk food - god, too much at times, but yes, she is just a kid and I understand that. She is spoiled rotten with whatever she wants but my healthy eating and gym-going is nothing but good for her to see.

I was overweight since my daughter was born 4 years ago and lost 75 pounds in a healthy way last year. I am merely eating healthily and working out to get down to a normal-lower weight. And yes, I was very sick with ana years ago, and yes, those feeling tend to resurface at times (my post the other day) but I am also much older (35) and more aware and I am not letting myself get out of control again.
My daughter is the only reason I am alive today and I would never, ever do anything to affect her negatively. I would rather die than do that.

Please feel free to respond to my post. I hope you are feeling better and can get over the hurt you are experiencing.