Dark Angel: A Pound of Flesh (Epilogue)
All disclaimers, notes, warnings and summary are in the Master post: A Pound of Flesh
Epilogue
It took Alec all of a day to do it again.
"Calm down, Max," Logan said. He was in the wheelchair, following her from room to room as she searched frantically for someone he knew she wasn't going to find. "I'm sure he's fine..."
"He's gone!" she announced. "Gone! He knows he's not supposed to go out by himself right now, knows he's supposed to stay where we can get to him if anything happens, and he's gone!"
"Max, stop," Logan tried again.
She darted from one room to the next, and he was finding it almost impossible to keep up with her.
"Max!"
"What!"
"Stop and think about this for a second," Logan said calmly. "You already know he's not here, so searching the apartment for the third time isn't doing you any good. And I know you're upset he's gone, but no one took him, because there hasn't been anyone here. That means that wherever he is, he went there willingly. He's fine."
"No, he's not 'fine,' Logan," she shot back. "My God, you're as bad as he is! All the fine, fine, fine when no, actually, he's pretty damn not fine! He's sick. He's still weak. He's still having balance problems, sometimes he can barely walk..."
"He's getting better."
"But he's not there yet!" She stormed away from him, heading back into the spare bedroom that Alec was supposed to be sleeping in to check it for the fourth time in five minutes.
"He's not here, either," he said tiredly as he rolled his eyes.
"Willingly!" Max shouted out from the other room. She was back in the hallway in a matter of seconds, standing in front of him, seething.
Logan shook his head. "Yes, willingly," he said. "He probably just wanted to get some fresh air..."
The look in her eyes stopped him before he finished his sentence. Her eyes narrowed, her lips thinned, and she stomped down the hallway.
"That stupid son of a bitch," she muttered as she passed Logan.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"I know where he is!"
The elevator doors closed with a ding, and Logan sighed deeply.
"Wherever you are, Alec," he said to his suddenly empty apartment. "You'd better find somewhere to hide."
"Are you an idiot?!"
"Apparently."
He didn't open his eyes, didn't turn his head, nothing. He just sat there.
"I can't believe you... how could you... what the hell are you doing?"
"Well, it sounds like I'm pissing you off."
"Damn right, you're pissing me off! You weren't supposed to leave the apartment. And you sure as hell shouldn't be here! You can hardly walk in a straight line on the floor. What if you fell?"
"Am I anywhere near the edge?"
He sounded tired, exhausted really, but she didn't care. He should have known better than to take off on his own like that, to not even tell her where he was going. He couldn't just disappear without telling someone. He couldn't just run off and climb the Space Needle whenever he felt like he needed a breath of air.
Okay, so yeah, she did it all the time. But she wasn't the one disappearing on people to get there.
"That is not the point!" she shouted. "The point is that you're..."
"Stop, Max," he begged. "Please."
"I can't believe you were this stupid. It's not safe, and you're too weak to be..."
"Yeah," he said with a sigh. He'd opened his eyes at some point, but he wasn't looking at her. He was staring straight ahead of him, just like he'd done in the clinic, looking at the horizon without really seeing anything. "I know exactly how weak I am."
It wasn't exhaustion in his voice, Max suddenly realized. It was hopelessness. She knew exactly why it was there, and knew that she wasn't helping him at all.
Damn it.
She flopped down on the roof next to him and leaned back against the outside wall of the old observation room.
"Alec..."
"Don't," he said.
"No, Alec, look," she continued anyway. "It wasn't your fault. None of it."
He snorted in disbelief. "Yeah, right."
"And it had nothing to do with how strong you are."
He turned to face her slowly. "I got taken out by an ordinary psycho, two idiots, and a girl."
"Who kept you drugged out of your mind and tied to a table until they carved you like a turkey and
chained you up in their basement."
Max knew that Alec really was getting closer to putting the whole thing behind him, because he didn't flinch away from the words they way he would have in the clinic. She took it as a good sign that all he did was close his eyes and shake his head.
"We're strong, Alec. But we're not invincible. Sometimes we need help. Even Transgenics need someone to watch their back, every now and then."
"You ever miss Manticore?"
The question took her by surprise, but she tried not to let it show.
"No," she answered honestly. "Not really. Sometimes I think about the information that we lost," she thought back over the conversation she'd had with Logan on Monday, about the destruction of the DNA database. "But I don't miss it. Why? Do you?"
Alec nodded slowly.
"Really?"
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I miss the 'if you can't deal, we can make you forget' thing."
"You're dealing, Alec," she said. "You're doing just fine."
"You remember the basement, right?" Max didn't speak, but she did nod her head. "I snuck down there once. I think I was fourteen, maybe. And I'd seen them dragging someone down there, and I wanted to see what they were gonna..."
She wanted to tell him to stop, but she knew she couldn't. The similarities between what had happened to him at Eddy's hands and some of the things she'd seen at Manticore hadn't been lost on her, and if he needed to share memories to work through it all at once, then she'd let him.
A humorless chuckle from Alec drew her attention back to him.
"They were doing an autopsy on the kid. And I was fascinated, ya know? Because he was defective, right? And they were figuring out why. And then I saw..." He slid his feet up the roof until his knees were bent in front of him, then rested his elbows against them. He was breathing deeply as he did, obviously trying to keep himself under control.
"I saw his hand move. Not much, just a little, but then I looked at his face and... his eyes were open, and he was crying."
Max swallowed the gasp, but she did close her eyes.
"He was alive," Alec said, needlessly. He had his arms crossed across his knees by then, and he was staring off into the distance again. She wondered if he had to pretend she wasn't there to be able to talk about it. "They had his chest cut open, and they were taking parts of him out, and the kid was not only still alive, but awake. And I always wondered, ya know, did he feel that? And if he did, what did it feel like?"
He snorted another bitter chuckle, but this time, it was mixed with a sob that she knew he'd deny.
"And now that I know the answer to that, I think... I think it would have been better if it had happened at Manticore. Because they knew how to make us stop feeling, didn't they? They were really, really good at making us not feel."
"We have to feel, though," she said. She didn't look at him, just joined him in staring at the darkening skyline. "That's what keeps us human."
"Well, I don't like it."
"No one likes it. At least not all the time. But it gets better with time. I promise you that."
A few seconds of silence passed between them, and it wasn't uncomfortable. But Max had come to ask him a question, and she hadn't gotten around to asking it yet.
"So why did you leave tonight?"
Alec shrugged. "I wanted to take a walk."
"So you climbed out a thirty story window?"
Alec laughed, the first real laugh she'd heard from him in weeks. "Nah," he said with a shake of his head. "I used the elevator."
Max smiled. "So, just a walk, huh?"
"I just... I needed to breathe. You know, I haven't been alone more than a couple of minutes for almost a week now? For someone who's spent most of their life alone, it's a little overwhelming. I just wanted to breathe. And..."
"And what?" she asked gently.
"And see if I could still do something by myself. Without needing a babysitter or a watchdog."
He didn't look at her when he said, but she knew he was talking about her. After he'd decided she was real, she'd hardly left his side. She'd been hovering like crazy since he'd gotten out of the clinic, and she knew it. But it wasn't for the reason he thought it was.
"Alec, I've been..." She didn't know exactly how to say it, but she had to try. "I haven't been staying so close to you because I think you can't do anything by yourself, but... damn it, Alec, I screwed up. I wasn't there when I should have been. I walked away and left you alone that night, and the price you paid for it... well..." She was terrible at it, but she had to make him understand that it wasn't him, it was her. "I just want you to know that you're not alone."
He turned his head toward her and cracked a grin. "I figured that out the first time I woke up with you and Logan standing over my bed."
She had to smile at him, and she nodded her head. "Okay, yeah, point taken."
"I knew you'd come for me," he said softly, and she didn't need to ask him to specify. "I always knew that."
"And I always will," she swore. She gave him a second to let that sink in, and vowed to herself that she'd hold to it, no matter what he thought about it. "So, you made it here by yourself? No problems?"
Alec shrugged. "Maybe a little panic attack or two."
"Yeah?"
He nodded.
"That's actually really good, ya know. Because it's not always about how fast you get there. Sometimes, it's just the fact that you got there at all."
The look in his eyes was enough to tell her that he understood what she meant, and he agreed with her.
Max pushed herself to her feet and turned to climb back into the observation room.
"Where ya going?" If Alec's voice had an edge of nervousness to it, she wasn't going to mention it. And if that was his hand on her leg, she could pretend it wasn't.
"Back to the apartment," she answered. "You're fine here, right?" She reached into her jacket pocket, pulled out his cell phone, and handed it to him.
"Where'd you find this?" he asked in surprise.
"On the sidewalk in front of Crash," she answered. "Thought you might want it back. Gave it an upgrade for ya, even."
She watched as he flipped it open and pushed the button to activate the screen, and she saw the hesitant, shy smile make its way across his face. Everything was exactly the same as it had been the last time he'd had it in his hands, and she knew that. Except that instead of only one name in his contact list, there were two.
"You got my back, Max?" he asked.
"Always."
~ fin ~
Epilogue
It took Alec all of a day to do it again.
"Calm down, Max," Logan said. He was in the wheelchair, following her from room to room as she searched frantically for someone he knew she wasn't going to find. "I'm sure he's fine..."
"He's gone!" she announced. "Gone! He knows he's not supposed to go out by himself right now, knows he's supposed to stay where we can get to him if anything happens, and he's gone!"
"Max, stop," Logan tried again.
She darted from one room to the next, and he was finding it almost impossible to keep up with her.
"Max!"
"What!"
"Stop and think about this for a second," Logan said calmly. "You already know he's not here, so searching the apartment for the third time isn't doing you any good. And I know you're upset he's gone, but no one took him, because there hasn't been anyone here. That means that wherever he is, he went there willingly. He's fine."
"No, he's not 'fine,' Logan," she shot back. "My God, you're as bad as he is! All the fine, fine, fine when no, actually, he's pretty damn not fine! He's sick. He's still weak. He's still having balance problems, sometimes he can barely walk..."
"He's getting better."
"But he's not there yet!" She stormed away from him, heading back into the spare bedroom that Alec was supposed to be sleeping in to check it for the fourth time in five minutes.
"He's not here, either," he said tiredly as he rolled his eyes.
"Willingly!" Max shouted out from the other room. She was back in the hallway in a matter of seconds, standing in front of him, seething.
Logan shook his head. "Yes, willingly," he said. "He probably just wanted to get some fresh air..."
The look in her eyes stopped him before he finished his sentence. Her eyes narrowed, her lips thinned, and she stomped down the hallway.
"That stupid son of a bitch," she muttered as she passed Logan.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"I know where he is!"
The elevator doors closed with a ding, and Logan sighed deeply.
"Wherever you are, Alec," he said to his suddenly empty apartment. "You'd better find somewhere to hide."
"Are you an idiot?!"
"Apparently."
He didn't open his eyes, didn't turn his head, nothing. He just sat there.
"I can't believe you... how could you... what the hell are you doing?"
"Well, it sounds like I'm pissing you off."
"Damn right, you're pissing me off! You weren't supposed to leave the apartment. And you sure as hell shouldn't be here! You can hardly walk in a straight line on the floor. What if you fell?"
"Am I anywhere near the edge?"
He sounded tired, exhausted really, but she didn't care. He should have known better than to take off on his own like that, to not even tell her where he was going. He couldn't just disappear without telling someone. He couldn't just run off and climb the Space Needle whenever he felt like he needed a breath of air.
Okay, so yeah, she did it all the time. But she wasn't the one disappearing on people to get there.
"That is not the point!" she shouted. "The point is that you're..."
"Stop, Max," he begged. "Please."
"I can't believe you were this stupid. It's not safe, and you're too weak to be..."
"Yeah," he said with a sigh. He'd opened his eyes at some point, but he wasn't looking at her. He was staring straight ahead of him, just like he'd done in the clinic, looking at the horizon without really seeing anything. "I know exactly how weak I am."
It wasn't exhaustion in his voice, Max suddenly realized. It was hopelessness. She knew exactly why it was there, and knew that she wasn't helping him at all.
Damn it.
She flopped down on the roof next to him and leaned back against the outside wall of the old observation room.
"Alec..."
"Don't," he said.
"No, Alec, look," she continued anyway. "It wasn't your fault. None of it."
He snorted in disbelief. "Yeah, right."
"And it had nothing to do with how strong you are."
He turned to face her slowly. "I got taken out by an ordinary psycho, two idiots, and a girl."
"Who kept you drugged out of your mind and tied to a table until they carved you like a turkey and
chained you up in their basement."
Max knew that Alec really was getting closer to putting the whole thing behind him, because he didn't flinch away from the words they way he would have in the clinic. She took it as a good sign that all he did was close his eyes and shake his head.
"We're strong, Alec. But we're not invincible. Sometimes we need help. Even Transgenics need someone to watch their back, every now and then."
"You ever miss Manticore?"
The question took her by surprise, but she tried not to let it show.
"No," she answered honestly. "Not really. Sometimes I think about the information that we lost," she thought back over the conversation she'd had with Logan on Monday, about the destruction of the DNA database. "But I don't miss it. Why? Do you?"
Alec nodded slowly.
"Really?"
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I miss the 'if you can't deal, we can make you forget' thing."
"You're dealing, Alec," she said. "You're doing just fine."
"You remember the basement, right?" Max didn't speak, but she did nod her head. "I snuck down there once. I think I was fourteen, maybe. And I'd seen them dragging someone down there, and I wanted to see what they were gonna..."
She wanted to tell him to stop, but she knew she couldn't. The similarities between what had happened to him at Eddy's hands and some of the things she'd seen at Manticore hadn't been lost on her, and if he needed to share memories to work through it all at once, then she'd let him.
A humorless chuckle from Alec drew her attention back to him.
"They were doing an autopsy on the kid. And I was fascinated, ya know? Because he was defective, right? And they were figuring out why. And then I saw..." He slid his feet up the roof until his knees were bent in front of him, then rested his elbows against them. He was breathing deeply as he did, obviously trying to keep himself under control.
"I saw his hand move. Not much, just a little, but then I looked at his face and... his eyes were open, and he was crying."
Max swallowed the gasp, but she did close her eyes.
"He was alive," Alec said, needlessly. He had his arms crossed across his knees by then, and he was staring off into the distance again. She wondered if he had to pretend she wasn't there to be able to talk about it. "They had his chest cut open, and they were taking parts of him out, and the kid was not only still alive, but awake. And I always wondered, ya know, did he feel that? And if he did, what did it feel like?"
He snorted another bitter chuckle, but this time, it was mixed with a sob that she knew he'd deny.
"And now that I know the answer to that, I think... I think it would have been better if it had happened at Manticore. Because they knew how to make us stop feeling, didn't they? They were really, really good at making us not feel."
"We have to feel, though," she said. She didn't look at him, just joined him in staring at the darkening skyline. "That's what keeps us human."
"Well, I don't like it."
"No one likes it. At least not all the time. But it gets better with time. I promise you that."
A few seconds of silence passed between them, and it wasn't uncomfortable. But Max had come to ask him a question, and she hadn't gotten around to asking it yet.
"So why did you leave tonight?"
Alec shrugged. "I wanted to take a walk."
"So you climbed out a thirty story window?"
Alec laughed, the first real laugh she'd heard from him in weeks. "Nah," he said with a shake of his head. "I used the elevator."
Max smiled. "So, just a walk, huh?"
"I just... I needed to breathe. You know, I haven't been alone more than a couple of minutes for almost a week now? For someone who's spent most of their life alone, it's a little overwhelming. I just wanted to breathe. And..."
"And what?" she asked gently.
"And see if I could still do something by myself. Without needing a babysitter or a watchdog."
He didn't look at her when he said, but she knew he was talking about her. After he'd decided she was real, she'd hardly left his side. She'd been hovering like crazy since he'd gotten out of the clinic, and she knew it. But it wasn't for the reason he thought it was.
"Alec, I've been..." She didn't know exactly how to say it, but she had to try. "I haven't been staying so close to you because I think you can't do anything by yourself, but... damn it, Alec, I screwed up. I wasn't there when I should have been. I walked away and left you alone that night, and the price you paid for it... well..." She was terrible at it, but she had to make him understand that it wasn't him, it was her. "I just want you to know that you're not alone."
He turned his head toward her and cracked a grin. "I figured that out the first time I woke up with you and Logan standing over my bed."
She had to smile at him, and she nodded her head. "Okay, yeah, point taken."
"I knew you'd come for me," he said softly, and she didn't need to ask him to specify. "I always knew that."
"And I always will," she swore. She gave him a second to let that sink in, and vowed to herself that she'd hold to it, no matter what he thought about it. "So, you made it here by yourself? No problems?"
Alec shrugged. "Maybe a little panic attack or two."
"Yeah?"
He nodded.
"That's actually really good, ya know. Because it's not always about how fast you get there. Sometimes, it's just the fact that you got there at all."
The look in his eyes was enough to tell her that he understood what she meant, and he agreed with her.
Max pushed herself to her feet and turned to climb back into the observation room.
"Where ya going?" If Alec's voice had an edge of nervousness to it, she wasn't going to mention it. And if that was his hand on her leg, she could pretend it wasn't.
"Back to the apartment," she answered. "You're fine here, right?" She reached into her jacket pocket, pulled out his cell phone, and handed it to him.
"Where'd you find this?" he asked in surprise.
"On the sidewalk in front of Crash," she answered. "Thought you might want it back. Gave it an upgrade for ya, even."
She watched as he flipped it open and pushed the button to activate the screen, and she saw the hesitant, shy smile make its way across his face. Everything was exactly the same as it had been the last time he'd had it in his hands, and she knew that. Except that instead of only one name in his contact list, there were two.
"You got my back, Max?" he asked.
"Always."
~ fin ~