Prelude - Ruby's Story continued
When we finally made it to Jaralia, we discovered that we traded on hell for another. It was not the country that Derrek remembered from his childhood. Jaralia had been taken over by a power hungry tyrant known as Ridder. Any form of magic that was not under his control was destroyed. This equaled routine witch hunts for anyone deemed different. The “Emperor” also required all men 15 and older to be conscripted into the army. To say that Jaralia had turned into a dismal country would be an understatement.
The only blessing was the lack of guards at the border of Seven Sands and Jaralia. This allowed us to sneak past undetected and take refuge in the forests there. During the day, Derrek stole into the nearby village to get supplies and to seek a healer for my sister. His return brought mixed news, along with a touch of hope.
Derrek had heard the villagers speaking of a wise woman who lived in the deeper parts of the forest. They protected her in exchange for the healing that she brought. The fact that they risked their lives to hide her secret spoke volumes for the spirit of the people in this dark country. We sought her out, and I hoped that this healer would be able to undo the damage I had caused to my beloved sister.
The days in the dark forest all bleed together. I was still in shock over what I had done, and the darkness I had felt when I plunged the hairpins into my former master’s flesh. Would this healer also be able to heal my wounded soul and heart?
Finally, we came across a small hut within a peaceful glen. Both my sister and I paused. The feeling of peace was one we had not felt since we were small children. It brought with it the memories of the past, of playing games with our fathers, of singing for our mother, of our mother’s lifeless body lying in the streets as we were torn from her side.
I am not sure what we expected when we arrived. My mind and soul were still very numb from the events of the last few months. I remember being surprised to be greeted by a short, pleasant woman with dark curly hair and spring green eyes. Her two daughters came out with her, their blue hair standing out in stark contrast with the greenery. I suppose my blazing hair and Jasmin’s sparkling white hair stood out as well, for we stared at each other for a time. Derrek spoke with them as I stayed with my sister, holding her more for my own comfort than for hers.
The healer stepped towards us and smiled, her smile reminding me very much of both my mother’s and of Jasmin’s. “Please, call me Serena. You two have nothing to fear here, this is a place of healing. I would like to help you both, if you will allow me to,” she said, her voice gentle yet strong, so much like Mother’s. I could see in Jasmin’s eyes, she trusted this woman instantly, yet our last betrayal taught me caution.
“And what will this healing cost us?” I asked, surprised at how hollow my own voice sounded. The healer, Serena, looked a bit surprised as well. Her kind eyes studied me for a moment.
“This is the gift I was given, and it would be a sin to not use it as Dulra intended. The healing I offer costs nothing, but if you feel you need to repay my efforts, I would gladly hear any tales or songs from your land,” she replied. It was my turn to study her and as I looked at her, I could feel the eyes of her daughters on me as well. I looked to Jasmin. She smiled at me and nodded.
“Very well,” I replied, my voice still lacking any emotion. The two other women, Kamaria and Aislinn, approached. They helped us into their small hut and fixed us some strange, northern tea. They were all cheerful and friendly, and eventually put my suspicious mind at ease.
“Now, you don’t have to tell me the full details of what has happened to you,” Serena said. “Just tell me how you received your injuries. If you wish to tell me more, than do so, but we will not ask.” Jasmin and I sighed in relief. We both were not ready to talk about what had happened to us. Though thinking about that, I don’t think we even knew what we wanted and what would happen to us from this point onward. Will things calm down for us or had we escaped only to find ourselves in a worse situation?
Jasmin told them of our escape, of the fire I had caused to distract the guards, of the building collapsing around us. That is where she ended the tale, merely mentioning the care we had taken not to aggravate her injuries further. She told Serena of the pain she had been experiencing, a pain I never realized she had endured during our exodus. My guilt began to eat at me more. I would rather be the one in pain then to see her endure it day after sun cursed day.
Kamaria placed a hand on my arm. The gesture surprised me and I jumped a little. She smiled that same kind smile as her mother. “I am sure, your sister would feel the same, were your positions switched. I can tell you both care for each other, as much as my sister and I care for one another.” I nodded agree with her. It still did not ease my guilt.
Serena and I helped my sister to the back of the hut. Kamaria, Aislinn, and Derrek talked, trading news with one another. I helped Jasmin strip and saw Serena’s eyes go wide at Jasmin’s brand. “You poor girls …” she whispered, not quite understanding what the brand meant, but understanding enough to begin to put together our story. She began to examine Jasmin. She was calm, trusting the healer. I watched, lost in my own thoughts and memories.
“I have good news and bad news, Jasmin, Jamila, which would you prefer to hear first?” Serena asked. I looked at Jasmin, nodding to her, letting her know that this was her choice. She took my hand into hers, lacing our fingers together before turning to Serena.
“Bad first, then good, please,” she said, her voice a bit shaky.
“The bad news is that it has been too long since you have been injured for me to heal your legs. I would have to re-break what has healed, and that alone could kill you. If you want me to attempt it though, I will …”
“No, but thank you. I am grateful enough to have survived our ordeal, and to have escaped with my sister and friend,” she replied, squeezing my hand a bit. I could tell she was disappointed. I felt the little bit of hope I had slip away.
“The good news is that I can heal what is causing your pain and if you wish, I can also remove the brand on your back,” she continued. Jasmin perked up at that.
“Yes, please,” my sister replied, a bit of desperation in her voice. Serena turned to me. I knew what she was going to ask but I shook my head.
“I do have one, but no, I do not wish it removed yet …”
“Why not? You hated what we were so much, why would you keep it?” My sister asked in our native tongue, her eyes wide with surprise.
“I am not ready yet to remove it,” I replied. Jasmin looked at me for a long time before turning away.
“As you wish,” she said. Serena and her daughters got to work, gathering the herbs and supplies they needed. We waited, resting for what seemed like the first time in years. I left Jasmin and Derrek alone, claiming I wanted fresh air. I could see what was beginning between them and I did not want to stand in the way of that. If something beautiful and true could come from our tragedy, perhaps it would mean that we could all heal, that evil would not prevail.
I stepped outside, and felt the cool wind on my face. The sun had set and the night sky was clear of clouds. I remember looking up at the night sky and marveling at all the tiny points of light in the darkness. I realized that at that moment, there was only one star, what light in my life and that was Jasmin. How easily I could have slipped into madness and darkness, adding the blood of others to the blood of our former master. Jasmin saved me from that, saved me from the monster lurking within my soul.
I was so lost in my own thoughts that I did not here Aislinn walking behind me. She politely coughed, startling me. I felt myself reach for my sword, stopping myself when I realized who it was. Aislinn nodded to me.
“We are going to start healing your sister. I thought you would like to be there,” she said. She looked like she wanted to approach me, to talk to me, to ask me the questions I could see buzzing around her head. She kept her distance. I nodded to her and we made our way back to the hut. Their small fire felt welcoming and I allowed myself not to think of what we had been through.
Derrek and I waited, sitting out of the way. I could tell he also had questions for me. I smiled at him, my first smile since we left Seven Sands. I wish it had been genuine, but it was only to make him feel more at ease. It worked.
“Jamila, may I ask, would you mind if I um … I am not sure what the proper term is from your country but, I care for your sister greatly. I wish to court her,” he babbled on about how he felt about my sister. I could tell that his words were genuine. I could also tell that it was important for him to convince me that he truly loved my sister. He knew what we had been through, had helped us escape that hell.
When he finished I looked at him for a long time. All this time, I still wasn’t sure if I could completely trust him. We had been through so much together, yet Kashif’s betrayal had shattered my remaining innocence.
“Does it really matter if I mind or not?” I replied. “This is my sister’s decision. I will stand by whatever choices she makes. Realize this though, not matter how much you love my sister, or how much she loves you, if you ever hurt her, I will kill you.”
Derrek nodded. I could see in his eyes, he understood I would be true to my word. “I know, you are not ready to trust again, not ready to speak of what you and your sister have been through. Yet when you are ready, I hope that you will allow me to help you. I care for you too.”
I to this day still do not know why, but those words touched me. It seemed strange for me that this man would care for me at all. It gave me that hope back. Perhaps, the three of us could be a family. Perhaps, we could rebuild our lives in this foreign land.
We stayed with Serena and her daughters while my sister recovered. Every night, I would tell them a different tale. I even taught Kamaria and Aislinn a few songs and dances. I regret not being able to return to them the caring and friendship they offered.
Before we left them, Serena asked me to walk with her. She took me deep within the woods, her calming presence almost like a balm for my soul. She stopped and turned to me. “I know, child, that you are not yet ready to share your burden, not even with your sister. Yet, there will be a time when you either share it and allow those you would call friend aid you or it will eat away at you.”
I listened to her kind words. She was right. The wound on my soul would require aid to heal. I was not ready though, not ready to let anyone get that close to me. I feared that if I did, they would choose to destroy my soul instead of save it. I nodded to her.
“In the meantime, try writing your thoughts down,” she continued. “Words have power and perhaps in seeing your story on paper, you will be able to overcome it.”
“Thank you, Serena,” I replied. “I will think upon your words.”
Derrek, Jasmin, and I were able to rent a small house in a nearby village. Derrek became one of the town guards. My sister and I helped were we could, learning how to cook, how to care for children. The villagers overlooked our strange appearance and accepted us as one of their own. Well, they accepted us for the most part. They looked at my sister with a mix of envy and pity. Me, they found me friendly enough, but I could see they were wary of me.
The last couple of years were pleasant. Derrek and Jasmin were married. Jasmin was very happy. She made the most beautiful bride. Derrek became like a brother to me and I came to trust him completely. He became another star in my darkened sky.
In order to ease Derrek and Jasmin’s worries, I began to pretend to feel once more. I became outspoken, cheerful, friendly, and flirtatious. Sometimes, my sister would see through my mask, other times, I think she wanted me to be better so much, she accepted what she saw. It was the best I could do for them.
I grew restless and would often travel from village to village, careful not to reveal myself except to perform. During my visits, I would trade news with the local bards. Ridder was becoming more and more power hungry, tightening his grip on Jaralia and focusing his attentions to Skye, the proclaimed High Kingdom. Jaralia’s darkness was beginning to grow. I feared for my sister and brother-in-law.
After months of arguing and pleading, I finally convinced Jasmin and Derrek to leave Jaralia and move to Skye. It was close enough that Derrek could hear news of his home country, yet far enough that my sister would be safe from the growing witch hunts. We sold the possessions and jewels that we did not need nor could carry, and started our long journey.
During a brief stop at one of the smaller villages, I ran into someone I never thought I would meet again, Kamaria. She had entered into the priesthood and had just finished her training. We talked and it was during that conversation that I learned Serena, the kind healer that had helped my sister, the woman who reminded me of my mother, had been murdered horribly.
I could see how deeply it affected her. I took her out to the nearest tavern, giving her ale and letting her tell me what she wanted. It took a couple of drinks before she was ready to tell me the tale. I braced myself, not sure how her story would affect me. In either case, I felt an overwhelming need to help her.
“Aislinn and I were out gathering some herbs to replenish mother's stores. It was getting late and darkness had fallen, but there was a full moon so we could still see just fine,” she began, her eyes becoming more distant as she related her story. I offered my hand and support; holding the delicate, pale hand in mine. She continued.
“We were returning to the hut when Aislinn noticed the strange lump on the ground just off the path, half hidden in the undergrowth. We took a closer look, thinking it might be a wounded animal.” I focused my eyes on her, giving her my silent support. She took another sip of her drink.
“There was so much blood, but we could tell it was human. Then Aislinn reached out to turn it toward us, and we saw her face ....” she choked on a sudden sob. I cursed. I felt anger for the first time in years. Serena was a good woman, just as her daughters were.
“You don’t have to continue,” I offered. I was all too familiar with pain and loss. I wasn’t going to force her to continue. It was the only thing I could do, since her mother never forced the truth out of me.
She continued, almost as if under a compulsion. I think, this was the first time she had ever spoken to anyone about her mother’s death. I just listened, continuing to offer my support. “Her body was covered in cuts and burns, and there were abrasions at her wrists and ankles, she was barely recognizable, and he had shoved a piece of a tree branch into her ...” she broke down completely, sobbing uncontrollably. I moved over to her and held her, stroking her soft blue and black hair. I held her for a while, letting her cry on my shoulder.
“It never gets any easier,” I told her, still holding her to me. “In time, you will learn to deal with the pain. Perhaps, someday, you will learn to focus on what your mother was and not what she became ... I hope that helps."
“I don't understand how anyone could do such awful things. Why her? She was so full of light, so beautiful and generous ... we never found out who committed that horrible atrocity,” she looked at me, her eyes filled with sorrow and anger. I was lost for words. I recognized the look, a look I used to have.
“I do not know ... there is as much evil within our world as there is good,” I replied.
“In my grief, I threw my head back to scream at the horror, and I saw the full moon through the trees. Gaelach sent me a vision of other innocents who might yet be saved from similar nightmares. She eased my pain and cooled the terrible rage that was trying to devour my soul.”
"Hence joining the clergy ... noble and I bet your mother would be very proud of you," I smiled at her as she blushed at my words.
“I didn't enter Her service for nobility.”
"No you felt a calling, a higher purpose. Or am I getting that wrong? I'm still not very good with your language," I told her. I couldn’t help but feel envious as she agreed with me. All I had was my sister and she did very well on her own with her husband. I had no higher purpose or calling. The only reason I planned on traveling was to gain power and wealth, enough so that no one would ever be able to harm me or my sister again.
“She gave me a great gift that night, a purpose and a productive outlet for the rage seething in my heart.”
"That is most good. Just remember, if you ever discover who did this to your mother, seek justice not vengeance. Vengeance.... it never turns out the way you imagine it.” I offered her that bit of advice, hoping that when the time came, she would be able to hold on to her innocence, her kind and caring heart.
“You sound like you know,” she replied, looking at me curiously. I smiled at her, ignoring her comment.
“My sister and her husband are moving to Skye. I thought I would tag along and then check out the capital. Why don't you come with us? A change of scenery and a nice dose of adventure may be just the thing you need,” I offered, hoping that the change of subject and the offer of adventure would be enough to distract her from my insight.
Kamaria and her sister, Aislinn were more than eager to join us on our journey to Skye. Aislinn’s man, Doyle, also accompanied us. The journey to Skye was long but uneventful. We stayed to the woods, Aislinn and Doyle using their knowledge to hunt for our little group and to find safe trails.
It was their knowledge of the wilderness that enabled us to sneak past the guards posted on the border of Skye and Jaralia. I made a note of it as we crossed over and found it very curious that Ridder had more guards posted here than he did on the border of Jaralia and Seven Sands, especially since raiders still crossed those borders to steal water, food, and slaves from the southern part of Jaralia.
Once we crossed over into Skye, we were able to travel a bit more openly. My sister and I sang for many of our meals. After a couple more weeks of travel, my sister and brother-in-law decided to stop at the village of Gwynedd. They had enough money to buy a small house and Derrek quickly found work helping on one of the local farms.
The social climate in Skye was drastically different from Jaralia. The air of oppression was not present here. The people were friendly, though still gave my sister and I strange looks. The fields were greener and there was a sense of possibilities, that there were more opportunities here than anywhere I had been before. Once more, I felt that small bit of hope.
We stayed with Jasmin and Derrek for a few more weeks, helping them get settled. I learned what I could of this country. I quickly picked up the local language and some of their customs. Finally, it was time for us to proceed to the capital and seek out our dreams and fortunes.
Jasmin prepared for us a meal similar to what Mother would prepare for our fathers before they left with their caravans. I couldn’t help but feel touched and also a bit uneasy. I knew she meant well, but it brought forth all the memories I had tried so hard to keep buried. Jasmin was the only one who noticed my withdrawn state and took me aside, claiming she wanted some alone time with her younger sister before we left for our big adventure.
“Jamila, I love you. You gave me hope when I had lost all of it,” she started, holding me close to her. “I know, you hide things from me, your feelings, your thoughts. I know you still blame yourself for what happened.”
I started to cry, old memories and old pains rushing back. She held me, stroking my long red hair. I took comfort in her embrace, crying for the first time in 2 years. After what seemed like an eternity, I lifted my face to hers.
“I would rather not walk, than to have lost you, Jamila,” she said, her silver eyes full of love and devotion. I smiled at her, my first genuine smile in years.
“Jasmin, I love you too. I just find it hard to speak of the past, of the darkness I feel.”
“I know. I also know you need to travel, to find yourself, to find your purpose. I have faith in you.” Her words warmed my heart. We held each other for a while longer before going to bed. I promised her I would write her and make sure she knew where I was and how I was doing.
It was hard for me to leave. I knew I had to. I couldn’t recover, couldn’t grow, while staying with my sister. As much as I loved her, I felt guilty and envious. Though she had been injured, she maintained a positive outlook. She was able to grow, to move beyond her past and disabilities. She had a husband who she loved and trusted, a home, and a future. I had the open road before me and an uncertain future.
Where would this road take me? Would it lead me to fame and fortune or to my inevitable death? Only one way to find out.
I write this journal in memory of Serena. She had prompted me to seek out ways of getting this pain and darkness out of myself, to try to heal. I didn’t heed her words before, but for her and eventually for myself, I will seek a way to heal my broken soul and aid her daughters in doing the same. I am not yet ready to share this burden with anyone, so I write, giving the words my grief and sorrow.