Fear is the mindkiller but not the monster
I am starting to officially read "World War Z" by Max Brooks. I don't know if I can. I'm not joking. I may need Klonopin. I'll have to skim and speed-read.
I know people don't really understand super irrational phobias like this. I know fear is a basic and intangible biological, evolutionary reaction, that it can keep you moving, that it can help survival. But irrational fears are... I mean... you know. They hurt. They damage. They are inexplicable. No amount of "Oh, get over it" can soothe irrational fear.
But I'm only at Tel Aviv and I'm shaking. I know how the book progresses, I know what happens, I know about Yonkers... through wikis and reviews and recaps and summaries. But I don't know if I can sit down and actually read the whole thing as it is.
My mind is so odd in that way.
I suppose this is a high praise and testament to Max Brooks's talent. But this is one of my absolute violent fears printed on paper and bound between covers. If I can make it to the end of the book - fuck, if I can make it through Yonkers - maybe I will be okay.
I just need to remember that any nightmares about living corpses stalking me are just dreams. To quote a beloved and wise friend: "being afraid of anything is bullshit... fear cannot hurt or touch you - put it in a box and stuff it the fuck under the bed." It is a powerful kind of truth.
It doesn't work in some situations. However, in my own case, it is the truth. To "be afraid" is to react. Everyone has a fear, multiple fears. But not everyone is afraid. Fear serves a very important purpose in evolution and biology. But fear is not the creature coming to hurt you. Fear is the response. Not necessarily bullshit. But not always needed, either. Fear can be worked with. Fear can be stared down. Fear can be danced with. Fear can be used. Fear can be weaponized. Fear can be altered and manipulated. Fear can be conquered.
Unfortunately, when I am smack in the middle of fear, I forget that.
I have been afraid of stories before. My imagination is active beyond reason. One of my recurring nightmares features a rotting, moving, gasping human corpse crawling onto my bed, reaching out, and stroking my face. This is why the television series "The Walking Dead" is essentially the stuff of my nightmares, and if I stumble across a GIF or macro of one of its zombies, I freeze in terror before scrolling past or closing the window; the fact that it is only makeup and corn syrup and costuming means nothing at all.
Therefore, BREATHING.
I know people don't really understand super irrational phobias like this. I know fear is a basic and intangible biological, evolutionary reaction, that it can keep you moving, that it can help survival. But irrational fears are... I mean... you know. They hurt. They damage. They are inexplicable. No amount of "Oh, get over it" can soothe irrational fear.
But I'm only at Tel Aviv and I'm shaking. I know how the book progresses, I know what happens, I know about Yonkers... through wikis and reviews and recaps and summaries. But I don't know if I can sit down and actually read the whole thing as it is.
My mind is so odd in that way.
I suppose this is a high praise and testament to Max Brooks's talent. But this is one of my absolute violent fears printed on paper and bound between covers. If I can make it to the end of the book - fuck, if I can make it through Yonkers - maybe I will be okay.
I just need to remember that any nightmares about living corpses stalking me are just dreams. To quote a beloved and wise friend: "being afraid of anything is bullshit... fear cannot hurt or touch you - put it in a box and stuff it the fuck under the bed." It is a powerful kind of truth.
It doesn't work in some situations. However, in my own case, it is the truth. To "be afraid" is to react. Everyone has a fear, multiple fears. But not everyone is afraid. Fear serves a very important purpose in evolution and biology. But fear is not the creature coming to hurt you. Fear is the response. Not necessarily bullshit. But not always needed, either. Fear can be worked with. Fear can be stared down. Fear can be danced with. Fear can be used. Fear can be weaponized. Fear can be altered and manipulated. Fear can be conquered.
Unfortunately, when I am smack in the middle of fear, I forget that.
I have been afraid of stories before. My imagination is active beyond reason. One of my recurring nightmares features a rotting, moving, gasping human corpse crawling onto my bed, reaching out, and stroking my face. This is why the television series "The Walking Dead" is essentially the stuff of my nightmares, and if I stumble across a GIF or macro of one of its zombies, I freeze in terror before scrolling past or closing the window; the fact that it is only makeup and corn syrup and costuming means nothing at all.
Therefore, BREATHING.