My fierce candle is still burning brightly
Dear Bullshit: Please don't start happening around me until this depression has lifted at least a little. I will do my part by refusing to engage in arguments disguised as discussions, whether on Facebook, forums and communities for varied disabilities, or blogs.
I am not well at all. My husband will be home soon, we will run errands tomorrow, and I will try to put myself on autopilot with the toughest strongest masks I have, because in my emotional brain I just want to curl up, read books and blogs I like, eat only if I feel very hungry, and not talk to anyone unless I think there is something worth talking about.
I know that everyone I love on Facebook and Livejournal will rise up and stand with me and give me strength, hope, love courage, and light. I am so very deeply grateful and just the thought moves me to tears. But I have no idea what my depression trigger was or is, and I don't want that unknown trigger to strike again and knock me down even deeper. I am responsible for myself and always will be, but it is always beautiful to know I have friends at my side, at my back, and standing in front with open arms.
You'll do that, right? You'll love me? Even if I am a fucked-up, mentally screwed, clumsy idiot who can't even work around Sensory Processing Disorder to figure out why the entire world feels like one massive tactile and visual scream inside my head?
I am not well at all. My husband will be home soon, we will run errands tomorrow, and I will try to put myself on autopilot with the toughest strongest masks I have, because in my emotional brain I just want to curl up, read books and blogs I like, eat only if I feel very hungry, and not talk to anyone unless I think there is something worth talking about.
I know that everyone I love on Facebook and Livejournal will rise up and stand with me and give me strength, hope, love courage, and light. I am so very deeply grateful and just the thought moves me to tears. But I have no idea what my depression trigger was or is, and I don't want that unknown trigger to strike again and knock me down even deeper. I am responsible for myself and always will be, but it is always beautiful to know I have friends at my side, at my back, and standing in front with open arms.
You'll do that, right? You'll love me? Even if I am a fucked-up, mentally screwed, clumsy idiot who can't even work around Sensory Processing Disorder to figure out why the entire world feels like one massive tactile and visual scream inside my head?