connect the dots
i am a liar and a fraud. i convinced myself that i didnt care for so long, that i think i believed it.
after being so void of feeling for anyone for so long, i am even more confused right now than i have ever been. and im always confused. for such a calculating person, i am beyond random with emotions.
maybe random is the wrong word. scared is more like it. its fear that keeps me alone.
i fear my own emotional capacity. as much as i've tried, i can not fathom a separation between sex and love. it makes me sick. so i let my diseased brain win the battle between heart and head. and i spend far to many nights alone wishing things would have happened, when i did nothing to make things happen.i dont know who im blaming, or who im trying to convince, or why i think that my life would be better off if i moved somewhere else.
i need someone brave to connect the dots on me, because i dont know who the fuck im supposed to be.
i confess way too much about myself on the internet.
after being so void of feeling for anyone for so long, i am even more confused right now than i have ever been. and im always confused. for such a calculating person, i am beyond random with emotions.
maybe random is the wrong word. scared is more like it. its fear that keeps me alone.
i fear my own emotional capacity. as much as i've tried, i can not fathom a separation between sex and love. it makes me sick. so i let my diseased brain win the battle between heart and head. and i spend far to many nights alone wishing things would have happened, when i did nothing to make things happen.i dont know who im blaming, or who im trying to convince, or why i think that my life would be better off if i moved somewhere else.
i need someone brave to connect the dots on me, because i dont know who the fuck im supposed to be.
i confess way too much about myself on the internet.