Argh...complaining again!
This time, it's going to work. I have to believe that or I'm going to go crazy. Well, not crazy, crazier. I've been accepted to Lakeland College (again, for the record, because I was accepted in 2000, too, and chose not to go) to finish my Bachelor's in Accounting. All of my MSTC accounting credits will transfer and all of my UWSP electives will transfer, so I will be a senior with 33 credits needed to graduate. This was outstanding news that made me cry tears of joy. Why? It means I will graduate in just over a year. It means that I won't be taking on that much more student loan debt. It is going to give me the goal that I have been lacking since graduating from MSTC.
Is it strange that I work in a fast-paced, high-pressure job that doesn't have goals? Why, yes, it is. In November, I plucked up the courage to ask for some. I need the structure, some reason for working my ass off. Otherwise, what is the point? How can anyone be satisfied without a goal to work toward? I told him that, and we had a meeting, and I felt at the time that it was a great meeting. They decided to move me into an office and out of reception (score!), and asked me to get my real estate salesperson license. What I didn't realize at the time was that one goal (the license) was so easily attained, and now it's done and I have nothing else. As far as he is concerned, it is done and over with, and here I sit at square one. He flattered me heavily at the meeting, talked about how great I am and how he'd like to see me retire here. And I seriously thought about it. But the last few weeks I've been so frustrated and angry, not knowing why I'm doing all of this.
So, back to school because that is my answer for everything. The irony in the fact that when I started in 2001 at UWSP I was an accounting major and I changed it to be an English major and now, 14 years later I'm back to accounting because English did a whole lot of nothing for me, is not lost on me. But, as I often say, sometimes you need to learn lessons the hard way. I'm a harder worker now, more of a self-starter, more driven. Maybe I needed to get here to make this really happen.
It's interesting, because a few posts back I was talking about Brad, and how I'm not the girl he knew. I used to be strong and bright, brave, even. I don't feel like I'm any of those things now. I've become introverted to the point of living an almost hermetic existence. I have anxiety and panic attacks that I didn't have before. I feel weak, lost, drained most of the time. But when something like this comes up, I feel confident that I can do it, and do it well. I guess that we'll know come June 2016. Off we go.
Is it strange that I work in a fast-paced, high-pressure job that doesn't have goals? Why, yes, it is. In November, I plucked up the courage to ask for some. I need the structure, some reason for working my ass off. Otherwise, what is the point? How can anyone be satisfied without a goal to work toward? I told him that, and we had a meeting, and I felt at the time that it was a great meeting. They decided to move me into an office and out of reception (score!), and asked me to get my real estate salesperson license. What I didn't realize at the time was that one goal (the license) was so easily attained, and now it's done and I have nothing else. As far as he is concerned, it is done and over with, and here I sit at square one. He flattered me heavily at the meeting, talked about how great I am and how he'd like to see me retire here. And I seriously thought about it. But the last few weeks I've been so frustrated and angry, not knowing why I'm doing all of this.
So, back to school because that is my answer for everything. The irony in the fact that when I started in 2001 at UWSP I was an accounting major and I changed it to be an English major and now, 14 years later I'm back to accounting because English did a whole lot of nothing for me, is not lost on me. But, as I often say, sometimes you need to learn lessons the hard way. I'm a harder worker now, more of a self-starter, more driven. Maybe I needed to get here to make this really happen.
It's interesting, because a few posts back I was talking about Brad, and how I'm not the girl he knew. I used to be strong and bright, brave, even. I don't feel like I'm any of those things now. I've become introverted to the point of living an almost hermetic existence. I have anxiety and panic attacks that I didn't have before. I feel weak, lost, drained most of the time. But when something like this comes up, I feel confident that I can do it, and do it well. I guess that we'll know come June 2016. Off we go.