Sep 02, 2004 22:17
i thought it would be okay. i was convinced. people have moved on. people have gone away from my life. they are gone. and i am being lied to and cheated and played. i'm living in one huge, scary dream. no school comfort and no home comfort. people have moved the fuck on and they have forgotten me. people don't return my calls or my IMs, people change their LJ user names without telling me and delete me and block me. i was tricked so badly. people have changed and even though i thought i did. i thought i evolved and rose above the brian i used to be. but people grew up and changed faster. the days are colliding. this day less perfect then the last. i'm scared of this year. and it was this day that made me realize that i am walking into this year so very alone. mother i miss you. things shouldn't have to be this way. i'm lost and have been abandoned. i'm always second best. and i blame my parents for ever sending me to hale. sophomore year was bull shit. and i hate it there. and i wish i had gotten into shorecrest and i wish i never had to see the same old shit that i will have to endure there. my life is broken. i wanna run away from here. run far away. who am i fooling. there is more to me that you haven't seen. i'm alone now and it sucks. i hurt real bad. i hurt real bad now. i got involved. in middle school i was just brian. i had no friends and i was happy. i got involved and look where it gets me. this is not my life. why the fuck did you leave me. why did all this crazy shit happen. why am i here and you there. why did i trust you? i'm an orphan in this world. i'm sick of it all. you promised me so much. you told me it would be okay. you fucking lied. and i'm pissed and i feel so strange. stranger then i have ever felt. its over. it's over. you ruined me. i'm crushed. i'm over you and you're yesterday's everything. you fucking bastard. i am over you and over everything you fucking said and did to me. i hate you forever. this guy doesn't need you and never will. you've moved on and so can i. why can't things just remain the same. after school i'm moving and i never wanna hear from you or see your face again. you hurt me and i just wanna kill you and hurt you and burn you. i hate you and everything about you. you were so much of me and i can't believe you and i don't understand. fuck. fuck. fuck. i hate you so much. tomorrow is gonna be a new and better day. i wonder when when my fucking childhood will end and growing up will begin.