Something's gotta give
Those who know me best know the following to be true. I am a big fan of two things. Open communication and tons of affection. TONS! I communicate with people through my affection… or lack thereof.
I assume that their affection back to me is also a communication of their feelings towards me. And by that same standard, their lack of affection is telling.
This past weekend, I had three experiences of the kind of affection I’m speaking about.
bryanking and eeyoresea’s party was a big hug and a half. Everything was really cool and they did a great job planning. Hanging out with mickymse and kubrickfan again as well as swapping cigarettes with Denny and Bryan was the true highlight. Although I mixed and mingled with everyone there, for me, it could have been just the aforementioned and I still would’ve had a perfect time.
NOTE TO SELF: I need to hang out more with Brian and Michael.
The second was after I went to see the Eastside Christian kids perform “The Music Man.” My friend kwithtopher was the music director. After all that, I really wanted to go do something unholy. But dinner with my really good friend Seamus was the saving grace.
We had dinner over at his place and sat around, telling stories and cuddling (Seamus is the world’s best cuddle guy -- I’m convinced.) It was nice and intimate and special. And I realized, I just don’t want affection, I NEED IT.
I can’t be in any healthy relationship without it because I don’t view a relationship without it as very healthy. It’s my signpost telling me whether I’m in something nourishing or if we’re just going through the motions.
So, I have re-affirmed a definite need. Now I have to make some decisions that I hope aren’t going to be painful but who knows.
Tomorrow is Raleigh and the Gay Men’s Health Summit. I need the time away.
Apologies to
No one. I’ve been a fucking saint.
I assume that their affection back to me is also a communication of their feelings towards me. And by that same standard, their lack of affection is telling.
This past weekend, I had three experiences of the kind of affection I’m speaking about.
bryanking and eeyoresea’s party was a big hug and a half. Everything was really cool and they did a great job planning. Hanging out with mickymse and kubrickfan again as well as swapping cigarettes with Denny and Bryan was the true highlight. Although I mixed and mingled with everyone there, for me, it could have been just the aforementioned and I still would’ve had a perfect time.
NOTE TO SELF: I need to hang out more with Brian and Michael.
The second was after I went to see the Eastside Christian kids perform “The Music Man.” My friend kwithtopher was the music director. After all that, I really wanted to go do something unholy. But dinner with my really good friend Seamus was the saving grace.
We had dinner over at his place and sat around, telling stories and cuddling (Seamus is the world’s best cuddle guy -- I’m convinced.) It was nice and intimate and special. And I realized, I just don’t want affection, I NEED IT.
I can’t be in any healthy relationship without it because I don’t view a relationship without it as very healthy. It’s my signpost telling me whether I’m in something nourishing or if we’re just going through the motions.
So, I have re-affirmed a definite need. Now I have to make some decisions that I hope aren’t going to be painful but who knows.
Tomorrow is Raleigh and the Gay Men’s Health Summit. I need the time away.
Apologies to
No one. I’ve been a fucking saint.