All's Fair in Love and War; Ch. 3
Title: All's Fair in Love and War (3/3)
Pairing: James/Lily, Snape/Lily
Rating: PG-13 (for one hot kiss and some cross-dressing)
Summary: Sirius thought it would be funny to tell Snape a little lie and see where it took him. Little did he know that some unexpected lines were about to be crossed. Naturally, as James' best friend, he has to do everything in his power to stop it.
Disclaimer: Recognize it? Then it's not mine. All I own in the plot.
A Note: This fic is goofy and off the wall. Do not read if your sense of humor isn't intact.
"Nobody knows the trouble I've seen . . . nobody knows my sorrow . . . " James moaned, and took another pull at the Firewhiskey bottle.
"Shut up, I've got a headache," Sirius groaned, throwing a pillow at James' head.
"Ow," James weakly exclaimed, but the pillow hadn't touched him.
"We've got to do something about you, mate," Sirius said, struggling to sit upright. "We can't hide in this dormitory forever."
"Why not?" James whined, with yet another pull at the Firewhiskey. "There's no point to life anymore."
Sirius stared at him blankly. "You're really hung up on losing her, aren't you?"
"Yes," James replied, sitting up a little in his chair.
"But she hated you," Sirius pointed out, as all best friends should.
"She didn't hate me then!" Another drink. "She does now." Drink.
"You need to mind your consumption," Sirius noted. "How will she ever love you if you're dead?"
"You think this is a joke? That my current endless spiralling despair is funny? Well, it's not." With his final sip, the bottle was as empty as James felt. "Stupid prank . . . " Suddenly, he realized what had been in front of him all along. It was his fault. "I did this! We did this!" Angry in his revalation, he glared at Sirius. "You did this to me!" With a moan of complete despondency, he sank into the armchair and covered his face with his hands.
Sirius was unwilling to leave him like that, but they did have classes. Gently, he prodded the black-robed mass that had been James. "Are you coming to class?" he asked.
"Never!" James proclaimed, then went back to his sullen inner torment.
"Okay . . . see you at lunch." Sirius turned to leave.
"Just bring me up something," James muttered.
Sirius stopped. "You're not coming to lunch, either? James, I-"
"I know what's best for me. And what's best right now is for me to stay as far away from . . . from . . . Snily . . . as possible."
"'Snily'?"
James sighed. "It's a contraction of Snape and Lily. Snily."
Sirius stared at him, then grabbed the empty Firewhiskey bottle. "No more for you today."
James cast his bloodshot eyes up at Sirius. "Please?" And then he passed out.
"Sleep tight, James," Sirius murmured as he left the dormitory.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
"Is he still up there?" Remus whispered to Sirius during potions.
Sirius nodded. "Sadly, and a right state he's in, too. Drunk and crying. Misses Lily something terrible."
"But they weren't together!" Remus pointed out, slicing his mandrake roots finely before adding them to his cauldron.
"James felt that eventually she would change her mind. Now he knows she won't." He, too, was cutting roots, though not with the precision of his friend. "Even I feel bad for him, and that's saying something."
"Considering that you have no compassion for human beings whatsoever," Remus said, accepting the fact with disdain.
"Exactly!" Sirius replied, though a bit too loudly, earning him a pointed look from Professor Slughorn. "We have to do something about it, and fast. I can skip charms, nothing but rubbish lately." And once again, Slughorn gave him a look that was completely ignored by Sirius.
"What is it exactly that you suggest we do?" Remus asked warily.
"That's the thing, I don't know yet!" Sirius exclaimed.
"Mr. Black," Slughorn addressed, clearly pained that this had become necessary.
"Yes?" Sirius replied graciously.
"Please. A dull roar would do just fine," Slughorn jested in an attempt to make the situation more comfortable.
Sirius flashed his famous smile and winked at the professor. "But, of course," he agreed, then turned his attention back to Remus. "Do you have anything?" he asked the prefect, so desperate for a plan that he turned to the only one of the four unlikely to come up with something good.
"Not really," Remus admitted.
"There has to be something . . . " Sirius muttered, but the consumption of his energy was taken by the potion, and an idea did not even come close to registering in him until the end of class.
"Mr. Black? Mr. Lupin? Could I see you for a moment?" Slughorn requested at the end. Both boys approached Slughorn's desk. He handed Sirius a note. "Please, give that to Mr. Potter. It is a sad necessity, I'm afraid."
Sirius smiled again. "Of course." As soon as he was out of eyeshot he set to opening the envelope clearly marked "private."
Remus groaned. "Oh, how did I konw you were going to do that?"
But Sirius only grinned. "Bingo."
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
Sirius threw back the curtains and pulled back James' blanket. "Up," he commanded.
"Go away," James said half-heartedly. "I'm not done wallowing yet."
"Oh, yes, you are. You have remedial potions tonight," Sirius replied.
"Wonderful," James groaned. He covered his eyes with his hands. "When?"
The other Gryffindor checked his watch. "In about ten minutes."
James' groan deepened. "With Slughorn?"
"No." Sirius gave James a look of the deepest sympathy. "With Lily Evans."
At the mention of her name, James shot up in his bed. "You've got to be kidding me." When Sirius didn't smile or show any signs of joking, James looked vaguely panicked. "Ten minutes?! Lily Evans?!" He jumped from his bed and began pacing, tearing at his hair with his hands. "What the hell should I wear?"
Sirius grabbed a hold of James' shoulder and shoved some Hogwarts school robes in his arms. "Try your uniform."
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
"Welcome to Remedial Potions!" Slughorn's booming voice echoed around the nearly empty dungeon. "As you know, you are here either because of a lack of skill or because a profound number of absences has put you behind your peers." He smiled. "I am here to help, but please first rely on the tutors - Mr. Severus Snape, potions extraordinare - and Ms. Lily Evans, the best student I've taught Mr. Tom Riddle himself! They are here to help you as much as possible, and only if they find themselves beyond their skill should I be brought into the situation. Understood? Fabulous!" And he scurried off.
Peter and James set to work. "You know, Lily," James said conversationally, "Snape only asked you out because we told him you liked him. Otherwise, you'd never have known."
A flash of surprise flickered across her face, but quickly died. "Yes, I figured it was something to that extent. He's sweet, James," she said suddenly, shocking James into dumping all of his wolfsbane into the potion. Thankfully, it didn't show any outward signs of being messed up.
"Who's sweet?" James feigned innocence.
"Severus. He's patient. And he hates you, you know. Though I'm sure he's thankful for the chance you gave him - to some level." Lily smiled patiently at James and his potion skills. "Counterclockwise turns, James. Please pay attention."
"What is he thankful for? You can't possibly really like him."
Despite herself, Lily prickled defensively. "Why can't I? Because he doesn't play Quidditch or tussle his hair or behave like a pompous jerk? Did it ever occur to you that that's why I didn't want to be with you?"
"No, it didn't occur to me, or I would have changed my behaviors! And I didn't think you would forget that only a week ago, every other word out of his mouth was mudblood! How could you possibly have feelings for someone who treats you like that?"
"How would you know how he treats me? Are you with us on our dates?" Her anger faltered for a minute, then hardened as she realized something. "Yes, you are," she answered her own question. "And what did you see, James, when you were spying on us?"
"He was being kind to you," James conceded.
"Exactly," Lily agreed, and lapsed into frustrated silence. "Add your lacewing flies," she counseled.
"Did you kiss him?" James asked suddenly.
Her green eyes flashed defiantly. "Yes."
"Did you kiss him or did-"
"I kissed him," Lily cut him off. When James opened his mouth, she said immediately, "No, we didn't go any farther than that. Severus is a gentleman." Once again, silence ruled the dungeon. "Your potion's finished," she said suddenly, and James jumped.
"Really?"
"We only made an Irritation Solution, James," Lily remind him.
"Right." He smiled. "I'm thirsty. Are you guys thirsty over there?" he called to Peter and Snape. Peter nodded enthusiastically. Snape looked to Lily, who smiled, and then gave a curt nod. "Right, then. I'm off to procure refreshment." He left, and no one saw him slip the vial of Irritation Solution in his pocket.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
James was seething, wallowing, pondering. What the hell did she mean when she said Snape was "sweeter" than him? He's a "gentleman"? "Patient"? None of the adjectives fit the Snape he knew.
The kitchens weren't far from the dungeons, and James easily snagged butterbeers and crisps for the small remedial party. He also easily slipped the botched Irritation Solution into Snape's bottle. "Let's see how sweet you are covered in oozing sores," James snickered. Somewhere deep inside him, he felt a twinge of pity for Snape, but quickly repressed it. "It's not going to kill him. Peter didn't die when he got covered in it."
But Peter didn’t drink it, the little voice in his head reminded him, sounding suspiciously like Remus. He repressed that, too, though with a touch of concern for his mental health.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
"Cheers," James toasted, tipping his bottle in Snape's direction.
Snape eyed it cautiously, found nothing wrong with it, and took a sip. The butterbeer seared his throat going down, more than it should. Somehow, his throat felt constricted, and his stomach was in turmoil, roiling with heat, threatening regurgitation. But the constriction in his esophagus would never allow the bile to rise to his mouth. I’m going to die, Snape thought forlornly, and for the first time in his life the prospect was not inviting. His body stiffened and jerked, and dry retching convulsions shook him. The pain nearly became unbearable, burning white hot, he was on fire, and then he welcomed the softness of unconsciousness, if only to escape the pain.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
"What did you do?" Lily shrieked at James, hammering him with her fists in a blind rage. "What the hell did you do to him?"
James couldn't find the words to describe what had happened. Instead, he fed an instruction to Peter.
"Fetch Professor Slughorn." Peter whimpered and scurried off. Lily looked at him expectantly, no longer hitting him. Tears flowed freely from her vibrant grass-green eyes. "I put Irritation Solution in his butterbeer," James admitted.
"Are you aware of how badly you botched that potion?!" she shouted, then scurried to the store cupboard. Rummaging frantically, she found what she was looking for and stuffed it down Snape's throat. Instantly, he coughed and opened his eyes weakly.
"Thank you," he murmured, and then was gone again, though his expression was now restful and contented.
"Good heavens!" Slughorn exclaimed, lifting Snape's innate body with a muttered spell. "Let's get him to the hospital wing, Mr. Pettigrew. Ms. Evans, please help Mr. Potter clean up the dungeon and put the cauldrons away." Then he and Peter rushed (as much as Slughorn could, anyway) down the hall and out of sight.
"Did you do it on purpose?" Lily asked James, quiet steel and distance in her voice. "Did you mean to poison him?"
"No! I wanted him to break out in embarrassing boils, not die!" James shouted, angered by her insistence that the whole thing was on purpose. It wasn't. Only part of it was on purpose. "Even if he had died, it isn't like anyone would care."
Lily looked at him, speechless in her fury. Finding words, she said, "I'd care." And she left huffily.
James was now feeling the familiar mind-numbing despair creep in again. "What did I say?" he called to no one.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
"How're you feeling, Severus?" Lily asked gently. It was the next day, and Snape had just regained a steady consciousness. Lily had sat with him nearly all night.
"Better," he replied, though that didn't say much. Anything was better than the threshhold of death.
Lily reached for his hand in almost absentminded nature, smiling weakly at him. Her voice shook when she spoke. "Madam Pomfrey kept saying you would be okay, but I didn't believe her. I was so scared to lose you. I've never been so afraid in my life."
"I knew you were here," he whispered, stroking her thumb in lazy circles. "I saw your hair last night. It gave me hope."
Lily chuckled, and punched his arm with a pillow. "Now, that is too sappy. Even for me."
"It may be sappy, but it's true. You saved my life."
"It was just a bezoar," she protested. "It wasn't that difficult to think of." Her grin persisted as she saw him for what felt like the first time. Only nine days earlier, his cheeks had been sallow, his eyes cold and empty, and a smile rarely graced his countenance. Not to mention his hair, which had hung lank and unwashed, covering his face. Now, his skin was beginning to acquire a more healthy glow from spending time outside with Lily, and his eyes were bright and cheery. Now, his black hair had a shine to it that made him feel like a whole new person to her, and he laughed frequently. As she looked at him, she knew.
"You saved my life in more ways than one, Lily," he told her, and pulled her close to him, stroking her hair and kissing her. "And I'll never be able to repay you."
He already had. Severus had saved her from James Potter.
Pairing: James/Lily, Snape/Lily
Rating: PG-13 (for one hot kiss and some cross-dressing)
Summary: Sirius thought it would be funny to tell Snape a little lie and see where it took him. Little did he know that some unexpected lines were about to be crossed. Naturally, as James' best friend, he has to do everything in his power to stop it.
Disclaimer: Recognize it? Then it's not mine. All I own in the plot.
A Note: This fic is goofy and off the wall. Do not read if your sense of humor isn't intact.
"Nobody knows the trouble I've seen . . . nobody knows my sorrow . . . " James moaned, and took another pull at the Firewhiskey bottle.
"Shut up, I've got a headache," Sirius groaned, throwing a pillow at James' head.
"Ow," James weakly exclaimed, but the pillow hadn't touched him.
"We've got to do something about you, mate," Sirius said, struggling to sit upright. "We can't hide in this dormitory forever."
"Why not?" James whined, with yet another pull at the Firewhiskey. "There's no point to life anymore."
Sirius stared at him blankly. "You're really hung up on losing her, aren't you?"
"Yes," James replied, sitting up a little in his chair.
"But she hated you," Sirius pointed out, as all best friends should.
"She didn't hate me then!" Another drink. "She does now." Drink.
"You need to mind your consumption," Sirius noted. "How will she ever love you if you're dead?"
"You think this is a joke? That my current endless spiralling despair is funny? Well, it's not." With his final sip, the bottle was as empty as James felt. "Stupid prank . . . " Suddenly, he realized what had been in front of him all along. It was his fault. "I did this! We did this!" Angry in his revalation, he glared at Sirius. "You did this to me!" With a moan of complete despondency, he sank into the armchair and covered his face with his hands.
Sirius was unwilling to leave him like that, but they did have classes. Gently, he prodded the black-robed mass that had been James. "Are you coming to class?" he asked.
"Never!" James proclaimed, then went back to his sullen inner torment.
"Okay . . . see you at lunch." Sirius turned to leave.
"Just bring me up something," James muttered.
Sirius stopped. "You're not coming to lunch, either? James, I-"
"I know what's best for me. And what's best right now is for me to stay as far away from . . . from . . . Snily . . . as possible."
"'Snily'?"
James sighed. "It's a contraction of Snape and Lily. Snily."
Sirius stared at him, then grabbed the empty Firewhiskey bottle. "No more for you today."
James cast his bloodshot eyes up at Sirius. "Please?" And then he passed out.
"Sleep tight, James," Sirius murmured as he left the dormitory.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
"Is he still up there?" Remus whispered to Sirius during potions.
Sirius nodded. "Sadly, and a right state he's in, too. Drunk and crying. Misses Lily something terrible."
"But they weren't together!" Remus pointed out, slicing his mandrake roots finely before adding them to his cauldron.
"James felt that eventually she would change her mind. Now he knows she won't." He, too, was cutting roots, though not with the precision of his friend. "Even I feel bad for him, and that's saying something."
"Considering that you have no compassion for human beings whatsoever," Remus said, accepting the fact with disdain.
"Exactly!" Sirius replied, though a bit too loudly, earning him a pointed look from Professor Slughorn. "We have to do something about it, and fast. I can skip charms, nothing but rubbish lately." And once again, Slughorn gave him a look that was completely ignored by Sirius.
"What is it exactly that you suggest we do?" Remus asked warily.
"That's the thing, I don't know yet!" Sirius exclaimed.
"Mr. Black," Slughorn addressed, clearly pained that this had become necessary.
"Yes?" Sirius replied graciously.
"Please. A dull roar would do just fine," Slughorn jested in an attempt to make the situation more comfortable.
Sirius flashed his famous smile and winked at the professor. "But, of course," he agreed, then turned his attention back to Remus. "Do you have anything?" he asked the prefect, so desperate for a plan that he turned to the only one of the four unlikely to come up with something good.
"Not really," Remus admitted.
"There has to be something . . . " Sirius muttered, but the consumption of his energy was taken by the potion, and an idea did not even come close to registering in him until the end of class.
"Mr. Black? Mr. Lupin? Could I see you for a moment?" Slughorn requested at the end. Both boys approached Slughorn's desk. He handed Sirius a note. "Please, give that to Mr. Potter. It is a sad necessity, I'm afraid."
Sirius smiled again. "Of course." As soon as he was out of eyeshot he set to opening the envelope clearly marked "private."
Remus groaned. "Oh, how did I konw you were going to do that?"
But Sirius only grinned. "Bingo."
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
Sirius threw back the curtains and pulled back James' blanket. "Up," he commanded.
"Go away," James said half-heartedly. "I'm not done wallowing yet."
"Oh, yes, you are. You have remedial potions tonight," Sirius replied.
"Wonderful," James groaned. He covered his eyes with his hands. "When?"
The other Gryffindor checked his watch. "In about ten minutes."
James' groan deepened. "With Slughorn?"
"No." Sirius gave James a look of the deepest sympathy. "With Lily Evans."
At the mention of her name, James shot up in his bed. "You've got to be kidding me." When Sirius didn't smile or show any signs of joking, James looked vaguely panicked. "Ten minutes?! Lily Evans?!" He jumped from his bed and began pacing, tearing at his hair with his hands. "What the hell should I wear?"
Sirius grabbed a hold of James' shoulder and shoved some Hogwarts school robes in his arms. "Try your uniform."
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
"Welcome to Remedial Potions!" Slughorn's booming voice echoed around the nearly empty dungeon. "As you know, you are here either because of a lack of skill or because a profound number of absences has put you behind your peers." He smiled. "I am here to help, but please first rely on the tutors - Mr. Severus Snape, potions extraordinare - and Ms. Lily Evans, the best student I've taught Mr. Tom Riddle himself! They are here to help you as much as possible, and only if they find themselves beyond their skill should I be brought into the situation. Understood? Fabulous!" And he scurried off.
Peter and James set to work. "You know, Lily," James said conversationally, "Snape only asked you out because we told him you liked him. Otherwise, you'd never have known."
A flash of surprise flickered across her face, but quickly died. "Yes, I figured it was something to that extent. He's sweet, James," she said suddenly, shocking James into dumping all of his wolfsbane into the potion. Thankfully, it didn't show any outward signs of being messed up.
"Who's sweet?" James feigned innocence.
"Severus. He's patient. And he hates you, you know. Though I'm sure he's thankful for the chance you gave him - to some level." Lily smiled patiently at James and his potion skills. "Counterclockwise turns, James. Please pay attention."
"What is he thankful for? You can't possibly really like him."
Despite herself, Lily prickled defensively. "Why can't I? Because he doesn't play Quidditch or tussle his hair or behave like a pompous jerk? Did it ever occur to you that that's why I didn't want to be with you?"
"No, it didn't occur to me, or I would have changed my behaviors! And I didn't think you would forget that only a week ago, every other word out of his mouth was mudblood! How could you possibly have feelings for someone who treats you like that?"
"How would you know how he treats me? Are you with us on our dates?" Her anger faltered for a minute, then hardened as she realized something. "Yes, you are," she answered her own question. "And what did you see, James, when you were spying on us?"
"He was being kind to you," James conceded.
"Exactly," Lily agreed, and lapsed into frustrated silence. "Add your lacewing flies," she counseled.
"Did you kiss him?" James asked suddenly.
Her green eyes flashed defiantly. "Yes."
"Did you kiss him or did-"
"I kissed him," Lily cut him off. When James opened his mouth, she said immediately, "No, we didn't go any farther than that. Severus is a gentleman." Once again, silence ruled the dungeon. "Your potion's finished," she said suddenly, and James jumped.
"Really?"
"We only made an Irritation Solution, James," Lily remind him.
"Right." He smiled. "I'm thirsty. Are you guys thirsty over there?" he called to Peter and Snape. Peter nodded enthusiastically. Snape looked to Lily, who smiled, and then gave a curt nod. "Right, then. I'm off to procure refreshment." He left, and no one saw him slip the vial of Irritation Solution in his pocket.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
James was seething, wallowing, pondering. What the hell did she mean when she said Snape was "sweeter" than him? He's a "gentleman"? "Patient"? None of the adjectives fit the Snape he knew.
The kitchens weren't far from the dungeons, and James easily snagged butterbeers and crisps for the small remedial party. He also easily slipped the botched Irritation Solution into Snape's bottle. "Let's see how sweet you are covered in oozing sores," James snickered. Somewhere deep inside him, he felt a twinge of pity for Snape, but quickly repressed it. "It's not going to kill him. Peter didn't die when he got covered in it."
But Peter didn’t drink it, the little voice in his head reminded him, sounding suspiciously like Remus. He repressed that, too, though with a touch of concern for his mental health.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
"Cheers," James toasted, tipping his bottle in Snape's direction.
Snape eyed it cautiously, found nothing wrong with it, and took a sip. The butterbeer seared his throat going down, more than it should. Somehow, his throat felt constricted, and his stomach was in turmoil, roiling with heat, threatening regurgitation. But the constriction in his esophagus would never allow the bile to rise to his mouth. I’m going to die, Snape thought forlornly, and for the first time in his life the prospect was not inviting. His body stiffened and jerked, and dry retching convulsions shook him. The pain nearly became unbearable, burning white hot, he was on fire, and then he welcomed the softness of unconsciousness, if only to escape the pain.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
"What did you do?" Lily shrieked at James, hammering him with her fists in a blind rage. "What the hell did you do to him?"
James couldn't find the words to describe what had happened. Instead, he fed an instruction to Peter.
"Fetch Professor Slughorn." Peter whimpered and scurried off. Lily looked at him expectantly, no longer hitting him. Tears flowed freely from her vibrant grass-green eyes. "I put Irritation Solution in his butterbeer," James admitted.
"Are you aware of how badly you botched that potion?!" she shouted, then scurried to the store cupboard. Rummaging frantically, she found what she was looking for and stuffed it down Snape's throat. Instantly, he coughed and opened his eyes weakly.
"Thank you," he murmured, and then was gone again, though his expression was now restful and contented.
"Good heavens!" Slughorn exclaimed, lifting Snape's innate body with a muttered spell. "Let's get him to the hospital wing, Mr. Pettigrew. Ms. Evans, please help Mr. Potter clean up the dungeon and put the cauldrons away." Then he and Peter rushed (as much as Slughorn could, anyway) down the hall and out of sight.
"Did you do it on purpose?" Lily asked James, quiet steel and distance in her voice. "Did you mean to poison him?"
"No! I wanted him to break out in embarrassing boils, not die!" James shouted, angered by her insistence that the whole thing was on purpose. It wasn't. Only part of it was on purpose. "Even if he had died, it isn't like anyone would care."
Lily looked at him, speechless in her fury. Finding words, she said, "I'd care." And she left huffily.
James was now feeling the familiar mind-numbing despair creep in again. "What did I say?" he called to no one.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
"How're you feeling, Severus?" Lily asked gently. It was the next day, and Snape had just regained a steady consciousness. Lily had sat with him nearly all night.
"Better," he replied, though that didn't say much. Anything was better than the threshhold of death.
Lily reached for his hand in almost absentminded nature, smiling weakly at him. Her voice shook when she spoke. "Madam Pomfrey kept saying you would be okay, but I didn't believe her. I was so scared to lose you. I've never been so afraid in my life."
"I knew you were here," he whispered, stroking her thumb in lazy circles. "I saw your hair last night. It gave me hope."
Lily chuckled, and punched his arm with a pillow. "Now, that is too sappy. Even for me."
"It may be sappy, but it's true. You saved my life."
"It was just a bezoar," she protested. "It wasn't that difficult to think of." Her grin persisted as she saw him for what felt like the first time. Only nine days earlier, his cheeks had been sallow, his eyes cold and empty, and a smile rarely graced his countenance. Not to mention his hair, which had hung lank and unwashed, covering his face. Now, his skin was beginning to acquire a more healthy glow from spending time outside with Lily, and his eyes were bright and cheery. Now, his black hair had a shine to it that made him feel like a whole new person to her, and he laughed frequently. As she looked at him, she knew.
"You saved my life in more ways than one, Lily," he told her, and pulled her close to him, stroking her hair and kissing her. "And I'll never be able to repay you."
He already had. Severus had saved her from James Potter.