progress and regress
Progress. The boy won the sportsmanship award at a Warhammer tournament yesterday. He kept losing, badly, but still had fun, and the game he did win, he kept trying to help his opponent make the best of it. A year ago, he would have just been all sullen about losing. Go, kid.
Regress. I don't know exactly why, but as time goes, ah, hell, I'm not sure how to describe it. It's sort of like depression, but without the feeling of helplessness. I'm not helpless, I just see myself more and more as having made, continuing to make, bad choices, and ultimately being a failure, a 'filler' person, living only to fill gaps in the lives of other's. For me, that's not far from hell, and getting closer.
In the movie 'Chariots of Fire', there's a scene where one of the main characters, Abrahams, says something like, 'It's an ache, an emptiness in me', about his drive to succeed. I'm not driven like he to succeed, but I know that emptiness, his hurt, his desire for a better life.
Where does the sun shine?
Everywhere, as winter melts
except in my heart
Regress. I don't know exactly why, but as time goes, ah, hell, I'm not sure how to describe it. It's sort of like depression, but without the feeling of helplessness. I'm not helpless, I just see myself more and more as having made, continuing to make, bad choices, and ultimately being a failure, a 'filler' person, living only to fill gaps in the lives of other's. For me, that's not far from hell, and getting closer.
In the movie 'Chariots of Fire', there's a scene where one of the main characters, Abrahams, says something like, 'It's an ache, an emptiness in me', about his drive to succeed. I'm not driven like he to succeed, but I know that emptiness, his hurt, his desire for a better life.
Where does the sun shine?
Everywhere, as winter melts
except in my heart