"Good sir, you can't pay me enough to go to France while our countries are at war!"
Today there was this girl (she was black) in the art basement who caught my eye. She was wearing an outfit very similar to mine. I smiled at her as we walked passed each other. She turned around before we had walked too far, and she asked me, "Where are you from?"
"What?"
"Are you from another country?"
I told her I wasn't. She told me she was. "You don't look like other people here." she said. I asked her where she was from. Nigeria.
She said she'd see me around. I really hope she does.
Had some errands to run after school. Including taking Zack the Leach out for lunch. He is Always under the impression that I am "neglecting him". If that's the case I'm pretty much neglecting everyone I know.
After I had a late lunch with Zack I went back to ICC where I failed to catch the student gallery curator.
I saw Curtis on my way to the car, and he ended up following me. I dragged him along on a couple of errands. We cleaned my car, let my sister's dog out, put the grocery's away.
My hair looked like a bird's nest.
I think I, really honestly truthfully, at this point in my life, do not feel like dating anyone. (And I think it took my finally having a boyfriend to know that.)
I see these cute couples without any sort of envy of what they have.
Though I'm not content the way I am, I no longer feel like that is the answer, that having a relationship would fix me.
I just don't feel like I'm wanting the things I should be wanting in life.
I met with my advisor, and I am graduating from ICC next semester.
John asked me why I wasn't applying to college, I couldn't have given him any sort of practical answer, so I just told him I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life yet (which is true). Even more truthfully though, I feel like anything I achieve for myself will essentially be worthless in forever (which sounds like the more bullshit answer to me).
I am entirely unmotivated. I look at my parents life, and I don't want it. I look at other people's lives, and I don't want those either.
I don't know What I want in the long run.
I like nice clothes and concerts and art and fun weekends in big cities, but I think I'm getting bored of the idea of it. It's all very empty.
I can't go on living like this, I realize. When John asked why it was easier for me to take so many classes now as opposed to before, I told him I was getting bored. I think now is the time in my life where I begin to grow up, but I have no desire to grow up into what I see around me.
I was talking to my friend the other day about how it didn't seem "fair" to think about people going to hell because they were born a certain place and believe a certain thing, and I feel like I couldn't live contently in an eternity, knowing that people are supposedly suffering for something they really had no control over. It's not their fault they were even born in the first place.
He told me he didn't want to talk about it, that he didn't like talking about eternity because it will keep him up at night if he thinks too much about it.
If this the Truth, if Christianity is the way and if there is an eternity, than perhaps that should be the kind of thing that keeps you up at night. that it is kind of a big deal, and I don't understand how Christians can go on living so rich and comfortably. What's the point in holding on to any of this if that is what you really believe.
It's so easy talk big, when you live in your parents house though, when they pay for your insurance and education. If I am to talk like this, I'm going to have leave the safety of my own home. I'm going to have to do something.
Only I am a little scared about where to start.
I've been looking at volunteer programs abroad. With serious intent.
Does anyone want to quit your schools or jobs and come with me to Thailand? or India or Ghana? I can't actually expect anyone to say yes to this, but I'm just too scared to travel alone, without any sort of protective group.
"What?"
"Are you from another country?"
I told her I wasn't. She told me she was. "You don't look like other people here." she said. I asked her where she was from. Nigeria.
She said she'd see me around. I really hope she does.
Had some errands to run after school. Including taking Zack the Leach out for lunch. He is Always under the impression that I am "neglecting him". If that's the case I'm pretty much neglecting everyone I know.
After I had a late lunch with Zack I went back to ICC where I failed to catch the student gallery curator.
I saw Curtis on my way to the car, and he ended up following me. I dragged him along on a couple of errands. We cleaned my car, let my sister's dog out, put the grocery's away.
My hair looked like a bird's nest.
I think I, really honestly truthfully, at this point in my life, do not feel like dating anyone. (And I think it took my finally having a boyfriend to know that.)
I see these cute couples without any sort of envy of what they have.
Though I'm not content the way I am, I no longer feel like that is the answer, that having a relationship would fix me.
I just don't feel like I'm wanting the things I should be wanting in life.
I met with my advisor, and I am graduating from ICC next semester.
John asked me why I wasn't applying to college, I couldn't have given him any sort of practical answer, so I just told him I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life yet (which is true). Even more truthfully though, I feel like anything I achieve for myself will essentially be worthless in forever (which sounds like the more bullshit answer to me).
I am entirely unmotivated. I look at my parents life, and I don't want it. I look at other people's lives, and I don't want those either.
I don't know What I want in the long run.
I like nice clothes and concerts and art and fun weekends in big cities, but I think I'm getting bored of the idea of it. It's all very empty.
I can't go on living like this, I realize. When John asked why it was easier for me to take so many classes now as opposed to before, I told him I was getting bored. I think now is the time in my life where I begin to grow up, but I have no desire to grow up into what I see around me.
I was talking to my friend the other day about how it didn't seem "fair" to think about people going to hell because they were born a certain place and believe a certain thing, and I feel like I couldn't live contently in an eternity, knowing that people are supposedly suffering for something they really had no control over. It's not their fault they were even born in the first place.
He told me he didn't want to talk about it, that he didn't like talking about eternity because it will keep him up at night if he thinks too much about it.
If this the Truth, if Christianity is the way and if there is an eternity, than perhaps that should be the kind of thing that keeps you up at night. that it is kind of a big deal, and I don't understand how Christians can go on living so rich and comfortably. What's the point in holding on to any of this if that is what you really believe.
It's so easy talk big, when you live in your parents house though, when they pay for your insurance and education. If I am to talk like this, I'm going to have leave the safety of my own home. I'm going to have to do something.
Only I am a little scared about where to start.
I've been looking at volunteer programs abroad. With serious intent.
Does anyone want to quit your schools or jobs and come with me to Thailand? or India or Ghana? I can't actually expect anyone to say yes to this, but I'm just too scared to travel alone, without any sort of protective group.