(no subject)
November 4th
I had just returned home from Matt's house that night Obama was elected. We had been watching 30 Days of Night. I was anxiously listening to NPR on my way home, and as I was walking to the door I got both a text and a phone call telling me Obama had just won.
I ran inside to turn on the TV, heard my mom call up from the basement and I yelled back that already I knew.
I was really happy, I had no idea I would be. In fact I don't remember the last time I felt so sincerely happy about something.
I asked Charlie if he wanted to celebrate but he said it wasn't really something for him to celebrate, that he voted for McCain, and he had work the next day.
My family went to sleep early after they heard, and since I am not really on calling terms with many local people, I just made celebration brownies for myself and thought about everyone celebrating in Chicago and the rest of the world. I was still happy even though I was not having fun.
The next morning I was driving to school listening to the radio, and I started to cry while listening to NPR. Cheesy and embarrassing, yes, but I just couldn't help it.
It just feels like such a big deal to me.
It interests me so much to look at things that my former Peoria Christian classmates have to say on the matter.
That school is poison. It really is.
Teresa, Mariah, and I share this interest and entertainment in what comes out of that place.
Everyone thinks this is the end of the world for sure.
"__ just doesn't see how fellow God fearing Christians can vote for Obama. Look at the issues! Let's go murder babies and embrace homosexuality! Where's your morals."
"___ is crying out to God for mercy on this nation!"
"Anyone remember what happened to the last African American that had any real power in America, oh yeha it was MArtin Luther King Jr. and we all know what happened to him. Some say Obama is next......."
I've never thought very highly of this country, In fact, at the risk of sounding too terrorist I've sincerely wished hurt upon it, with partial understanding that I am part of it,
because I think it deserves it for so many reasons. For the things that people as majority have gotten away with in our history, with clear and comfortable consciences.
I often say half-heartedly that I am going to move away and that I don't expect this nation to last much longer as a powerful entity as it is.
Misused power. Too much comfort. Lessons need to be learned.
-
If nothing else, there has been a significant change in the way I am feeling. Instead of secretly wishing for some sort of depression, I am wanting to see the United States become a better place. And for some reason it only recently occurred to me that that is a possible option.
Not even saying probable.
I don't want to be such a passive, apathetic person. I've got all these non-personal things that make me significantly angry, a lot centered around racial injustices and ethnocentrism and certain circles of poverty, and instead of doing anything about it, I just keep to myself. I may kind of be a bitter person because of it (not as an individual towards other individuals, I always want to be at peace with my fellow man. I don't like personal bitterness or drama). but the way I look at the world around me, there's definitely some bitterness. Most likely because I never say anything about these things that bother me most. Every now again something someone says will set me off, leaving me feeling kind of embarrassed.
like a wolf in sheep's clothing. Always smiling and shy. I've got some fight in me. I do care about things. Maybe you'll see it yet.
I Am changing. I've even got a little help.
[find a friend and stay close and with a melting heart
tell them whatever you're most ashamed of-
our parents have made so many mistakes,
but may we forgive them and forgive ourselves]