🎶When you're down and troubled And you need a helping hand And nothing, oh nothing is going right🎶
I've been really missing Rahni, we'd been doing so much together, and I hadn't even been considering that. It's just time with her passes in a way that hours and days blend so that I find myself wondering what day it is or how long we've been out and why I'm thirsty or hungry all the sudden. At the former aunt's place, I visited with others and watched chats and newsfeeds, listened to music or podcasts, audio books and did loads of cooking and plenty of exercise. I managed to get a few pieces of art finished that I'd worked on, and spent time focusing my efforts on my health and well-being but also again updating my resume and looking for work.
Getting out with Leenie was nice, and brought up a lot of good feelings, and points that she shared with the group that has made more of them pause and consider what is said before just letting that rush of a stream of consciousness from knee-jerk reactions to one thing or another. Calm, rational thought bringing out the wisdom of the peaceful warrior in the garden that they all find such a beautiful, romantic image. It is in the garden of love, amidst my friends that are much like the flora and fauna that I admire and love so sincerely as they offer me such serenity. that I find myself restored, resting in a way that rejuvenates my body, mind and soul. That is love, and they are the sheltering home I need.
And out in the Pacific Northwest, I found myself in a place that was filled with turmoil and drama and shenanigans that kept me on edge - close to feeling that survival mode kicking in again - until I met the select few who restored that sense of calm, my soul mom and Uncle Peter, MStover, Longtail and her husband Arkved, as well as my sweet little sister and fellow caregiver. They are my home away from home, and I love each of them as readily as they have shown the same as my fellow Suns and the Sunflowers. But here, I have seen how trauma and drama have seeped instead of being rooted out as Aha and Reed both taught, and Val and Aaron both kept us so vigilant pulling, pruning and weeding.
Perhaps it's the sign of the times, I see so much of our society more volatile than I recall from the past, though I am sure it's always been there. While I can't stand politics, I can see where that is seeping into so much of daily conversations and all people focus on just before the primary election (which was today, so hopefully that will die down - if not die off (I hope) completely) in such absolute fervor over the "tastes great/less filling" argument with the fake choices of red or blue party. What a fucking joke! Seriously. But I went to perform that civic duty, too. No, I didn't vote for your candidate, and no I'm not telling either. You don't like that, take a flying leap from the tallest building or cliffside of your choice... at least there, you get a real choice, not a fake one that the business moguls and their paid off goons hand you.
In any case, while I was voting, I met up with an old friend from before even grade school days, Namfi; she and her sister were neighbors that I got to know when we were both still toddlers. She was another sweet soul, someone that I found myself intrigued by on numerous occasions, and who admitted she had feelings for me but wouldn't act on them because she admired and respected the other girls who were already showing such strong interest in me. We got to chat briefly, and after the polls closed (since she was helping volunteer the station) we sat and had coffee and sherbet talking. With catching up, she was interested to hear about the others and shed a few tears at the loss of several of them. When I told her of A.J. she shifted closer and hugged me before merely keeping close and stroking my back or head, holding my hand. We spoke of the others, and while she's seen a couple of them at a distance, she hasn't approached or let them know she's been back for a few years too.
This endearing Laotian girl had a way with animals that we all admired, they would simply enjoy her presence and sweet tone of voice. I always found myself thinking my life would be so much better and easier if I were a dog following Namfi around town, and I would be perfectly content to do so, too.
Resting her head against my shoulder for a moment, she hugged me around my chest and said she was so, SO, happy to see me again after all this time. She admitted living a quiet, lonely life with little to no friends, doing so much by herself that she seemed more like a hermit or monk in a life of solitude. I recalled that she was always quieter, though friendly and talkative when she found someone she clicked with. Being out in the wide world, she admitted that she never found anyone else to interest her like I and the other Suns did, from what she's said. But she talked about a couple of dogs, a parrot and even a raven that she had taken care of that kept her company and from being too lonely. One of the dogs she showed photos of had also learned to do a few of the tai chi moves she still practices each morning that Aha Tae taught us all so long ago, too. It brought back some memories of times she would talk to strays like they were little kids, and that brought a smile to my face, which got her hugging me again.
We finished the coffee, and she dropped me back at the apartment before heading off to her own place which is literally across the road and around the corner from where I'm staying right now. Since it's walking distance, she wants me to be sure to come over to visit during the days of being snowed in, so neither of us feel too isolated or stir-crazy; though with the way she's talked about her life, it's more likely that she's thinking I'd be the one having that happen and wants to make sure I don't. Like when we were young, she comforts and offers a gentle smile that allows us to share in a moment as dear, old friends.
🎶Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights🎶