Nov 02, 2024 21:07
In the poem Broken, by Ullie Kaye, it's said that Life will break us into many parts. some will pull you softly at the seams. some you will simply outgrow. some will crack and splinter sharply and leave a constant reminder of pain that once existed. and some will absolutely shatter you. being broken is necessary. being broken means that there is now space for some new light to shine through. or for a new passageway to reach you. or to be arranged in a brand-new way. my love sometimes you have to break apart in order to break through.
Each of the Keen Suns (and Sunflowers), in some way, have been broken, and while a there are those who went very dark, letting the bitter winds in to snuff their internal light, others worked hard to keep going and strive to find a way to rekindle the brilliance they held in the earliest days of their youth. Those that are still here in the world of the living have seen the best and worst of one another; and there are times it's incredibly difficult to tell what is best, and what is worst. That has never been more obvious that what we have discussed and revealed within the last couple of days, from the point I decided to break my silence, I have struggled with trying to find reasons that might coax me to change my mind, reasons that might encourage me to keep quiet about the lie that should have never been allowed to keep someone deeply troubled from receiving the help they genuinely needed at the time they desperately needed it. And the one who lied who also needed true understanding, guidance and genuine caring love that he wasn't receiving, too. The attitude of fake it 'til you make it was bandied about too frequently, instead.
I found myself wondering what today would bring after the explosion in the group our little band communicates through, after Tua announced he had talked it over with his relations and closest friends and was going to check himself into a mental health facility and finished his message, "You win, Silver Sun, you shine too brightly for this shadowed soul." I wasn't the only one who saw what he was doing, with saying that, and there were some pretty serious words passed back and forth. But I thought about it, and read comments, keeping my silence until all of the key figures of the group had spoken.
It was then I pointed out that there were no winners, we were all losers who failed at our task that was set by people that demanded more from children than they expected from their own. I continued, mentioning Paul Marene, Vighn, Troy, Tua, all of us, and how each of us fucked up on some level. But worst of all was holding to silence when so many of us knew the truth. One of us who shouldn't have ever been a core part of the Suns, only the chromosphere or photosphere, was brought into the core due to nepotism, and then protected with a lie because of that after using martial forms on someone who was not only inexperienced in such combat but younger by several years. It was disgusting! And we should all be ashamed. I was, and I still am. But I am glad that with my brother in spirit, Vighn, I acted against that vile, dishonorable prick who killed our friend.
The group was silent after Joy - bless my dear little sister! She may be called Darkflower, but she is the thermal equilibrium that totally balances everything expertly so that all that color and light around her is taken in and held until the moment it's needed most - said that we needed to let it lay for a while, that Tua was getting the help he finally (desperately) needed, and that perhaps breaking my silence could finally let those of us who had kept to that silence clear the air and let our souls heal a bit more. She noted that it had to have been a horribly traumatic experience for the others as it was for me, and she was certain it was for Vighn too.
Today, I was supposed to lead the Tai Chi session. I did though some hadn't expected me to be there. Dave was there, as was JD, and so was Rahni - all members of the family that suddenly feels yanked out from the group to be shamed. They don't understand it's not like that. Troy was broken and needed to have that ancient key of wisdom that Ullie Kaye tapped with the poem I shared above. Unfortunately, an innocent soul was taken from this world, instead, and it dimmed the light of the rest of us who were affected too, and that set quite a number of us on a course that left us continually broken over again until we were absolutely shattered and splintered. I brought out weaponry but noted that when one is trained as many of us are, we don't need such tools, that merely makes things worse. Instead of teaching the use of any of them, I taught techniques of defense against them. It made Dave's eyes light up to see that, and Rahni began to cry.
Afterward, Dy and Mara took me for brunch, though I wasn't really hungry. We talked and shared in a few anecdotes of our time in life when we were apart from one another. Dave and JD had eaten at the same spot, but sat elsewhere as it was a bit crowded, and as we were leaving, JD went with Dy and Mara while Dave had asked me to join him. He took me to the A'Doung home, where they tried to intimidate me but saw it wasn't working. I've faced worse than them, my time is borrowed, and I am in the hands of the Divine, but they don't understand this. Dave gets it. I know others who do as well. I was questioned, I was told that I would never see Rahni again. I smiled and merely pointed out that was up to Rahni, not them, just like the Dou'loung had won the heart of an A'Doung in the past and spirited her away from her family, if she chose me I could easily stand without them and their superficial support. That got the Dou'loung line who were there to all get a little chuckle or give a smirk. I pointed out the dishonor isn't on the A'Doung, it was on Troy, and on his parents for not correcting him instead of focusing on their bank accounts instead. Finally, the head of their house nodded and remained silent.
It was determined that there was nothing they could do about me learning the Fire Form techniques that were held within their lineage. Nor could they deny my use of the greenhouse since that was on Dave's property, and it was up to him who was allowed there or not. But they would call the authorities if they found me approaching their family dojo, shrine and temple. That won't be a problem. And after I had left with Dave, he said I was more than welcome at the greenhouse, that what I had said was pure and honest, spoken from the heart. He gripped my shoulder in a friendly way and gave me a wonderful smile while adding, "Silver glows brighter as impurities are filtered out with each forging of it, so it glows white. I can see why Joy and Rahni are calling you the Argent Sun now, and I'm proud to be standing beside you brother."
We did some of the Fire Forms of Tai Chi after lunch, and I was surprised Rahni joined us while Joy was being treated to Tasty Tacos by her friend Sonny and that girl's family. Rahni and I talked as she brought me back to the former aunt's place, and she stuck around for a short while. She has a lot of thinking and soul searching ahead of her. She gave me a long-held hug, kissed my chest, and breathed in my scent as I did the same with her hair after a gentle kiss to her temple. "You are endearing, beautiful inside and out, and I am grateful for your dedication to me. But this does have to be your decision, your choice. Look deep inside and figure out what you feel, what you want, what you can live with and without. That will offer you your answers. No matter what you choose, though, I have always adored you and I will always love you."
She left, wiping away tears as she pulled away in her car. And after she was gone I started cooking up a storm, leaving many meals in the freezer for the former aunt to enjoy as she has been trying to juggle two jobs and keep up on her health - with two dogs, as well - while attempting to do things for basic needs but being absolutely worn out. And though there was all this food made JD stopped in with a turkey Rueben for me, from one of the local pubs that does an excellent sandwich, and to get my measurements again for something Joy is making for me. And while the Suns group has been silent, most of them have not, particularly Aranya A'Doung. To me, that's a good sign.
🎶Another world, some other time
You lay your sanity on the line
Familiar faces, familiar sights
Reach back, remember with all your might
Ooh, and there she stands in a silken gown
Silver lights shinin' down🎶
keen suns,
life goes on...,
human nature,
friends,
and everything