🎶What day is it? And in what month? The clock never seemed so alive. 🎶
I slept soundly, and my dreams were incredibly vivid, so I wasn't sure if they were memories of things that had happened or if it was simply wish-fulfillment. I have had trouble keeping the day, the time, even what month it is because of the continuous dream through my sleep cycle. Doing art, cooking, going for hikes and walking the dogs or getting out to the park for Tai Chi with the Suns and Sunflowers. In one part of the dream, I did some instruction with tonfa sticks and a pair of Sai. Another lesson had Rahni teaching me more elegant use of the bo staff and how to use the Suruchi and steel cloth techniques using the sash.
Another moment had me teaching a couple of the guys from high school days how to make certain foods over an open fire or in the coals, after having gone mushroom hunting with them. Hiking across the rolling grassy hills of the region, and around the edges of the forests, we were able to get a brace of rabbits, and a few prairie hens (and eggs) too. With the gathering of wild grains and greens like great-gran taught me, I was able to make a feast that we shared in, and they were amazed at how flavorful everything was with a few simple additions of marsh berries and nuts that were also collected. But one of them was noting his failing health and not being sure he would be able to do that kind of living daily, and it made me realize my own shift of limitations as I am aging as well.
🎶I can't keep up
And I can't back down
I've been losing so much time🎶
As the cooler weather was coming to the forefront, in the dream, I found myself struggling a bit more. All of us Suns and Sunflowers were taking more time to share anecdotes and fond memories with one another in Joy and Aranya's home, but Joy was spending less and less of her days with us. And that was my realization that she wasn't going to be with us much longer, which had me pulling back and avoiding coming to see them as often as I had been. Rahni was sad because of it, but understood, and Joy's health went downhill even more rapidly. When I felt bad, I spoke with my Angel; she gave me the best advice about avoiding regret rather than the heartache of not being able to relieve my endearing little sister of her affliction. Something I knew and realized, but still found my soul appreciating the reassurance she gave me, squeezing my hand with tender care and support like when we were kids standing there waiting for the school bus.
🎶'Cause it's you and me
And all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me
And all of the people
And I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you 🎶
Through the course of the dream, it was simple day-to-day occurrences and discussions, activities like we typically do and have done, not only with the Keen Suns but also the friends from my junior high and high school days, as well as my brother and former aunt and their pets. But key among them was Rahni and my Golden Angel, and only a brief moment to speak with the Muse through texts. Shifts and changes continuing, a moment to see my father and stepmother before they were gone and something deep inside me knowing I would never see them again. Time with JD, Dave and one of the many Steves I know (of the 9 of them with that name) too, had me focusing more of the hiking, survival and music. Moments with the Angel giving me a short rest to do some art, dancing or cooking, while time with Rahni was focused on the martial arts, dancing, gardening and taking road trips to see beautiful places that inspired our more intimate moments to share with one another.
🎶All of the things
That I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here 🎶
When I woke up, I felt really off. Rahni was calling to check on me, so my phone was pinging at me and nearly vibrating off the side table. My throat was still just a touch sore until I took a quick sip of water before answering. All through the short discussion, my mind felt like it was full of cotton, and my head matched that feeling as I tried to concentrate and form my thoughts into words. She was upset with me and my short responses, worried and wanting to make sure I was okay - as much from what Joy was saying in the background, as my responses - so they came over to be reassured. Joy made me a quick lunch of bulgogi (beef kimchi stir-fry) with egg, while Rahni helped me with my exercises to keep me from falling over. I had coffee and breakfast while telling them about what the doctor had said and showed me in the images. I'm healing more rapidly than they had expected, and more than they ever have seen before. That had both girls hug me with tears in their eyes.
🎶Something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right🎶
It was nice to see Joy up and moving, doing better than I'd seen in a while. She even joined in for a little of the Tai Chi. When they left, I felt better, visited via text and online mediums with others, and have merely taken things easy through the day. It was a day that felt like weeks, but now feels like I've been cheated out of a day that I wanted to spend with the people I love. I want more days filled with them, each of them, any of them, I'm so tired of being alone.
🎶What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive🎶