FILL: Jensen & Jared - SPN RPS J2 death!ficvickevireJune 27 2011, 02:02:41 UTC
A/N: Surprise!Fill :) I rarely write, so decided it was best to not give you a heads up.
The top shelf in their closet was too high up; Jensen could barely reach the box. A second later everything in it clattered to the floor. Jensen heard it, but he didn’t look. He felt completely sapped of energy, so instead he just left, closed the door and decided to do the dishes by hand. The familiar task relaxed him, and soon his breath hitched. He washed his dirty dishes and thought, like he always did, that he didn’t actually know what it was he was feeling. He felt numb, not sad, while tears dropped from his nose and chin and he gasped for air through his clogged throat.
---
Jensen sat cross legged in the closet sorting through the clatter. Two USB-drives, to check out later. A defiled magazine photo of him and Jared, impossible to decide what to do with. The charger they’d been - the lost charger. A chew toy worse for wear, to throw away. A jewelry box -
---
Jared Padalecki, it said on the grave. Jensen clenched his hand around the little box in his pocket. He didn’t know why he came here. He felt detached, like always, and being here didn’t change that.
Next time he came back, he simply sat on the grass.
He never said a word when he went to the grave. He needed to tell Jared something, but he couldn’t speak through the silence. It was like he didn’t have access to his own thoughts. Jensen didn’t stop going though. He went there, and he read the engraving, Jared Padalecki, and he waited.
---
Jensen turned left, towards the cemetery. He could feel his heart beat, too fast, and his skin felt branded from the goodbye hug Megan had given him. The wheels screeched as he parked carelessly by the cemetery. Then he flung the door open and stumbled out of the car.
“Jared,” he said, when he went down on his knees in front of the grave. “Jared, I’m gonna tell them.”
He dug the box out of his pocket. Inside, the ring was waiting, like it had been all this time. He stared at it. Jensen & Jared, the engraving said. When he put it on his finger, every detail felt like forever. The dampness of the grass, how the ring caught on his knuckle, how it gradually absorbed his body heat. The metal pressed against the stone as he carefully laid his hand flat against the grave. “I’m going to tell them,” he said.
The End
Um. The proposal is kinda unspoken. Sorry about that.
Re: FILL: Jensen & Jared - SPN RPS J2 death!ficex_sasukichJune 27 2011, 03:00:27 UTC
TT___TT oh jensen... *sobs*
love this fill. the unspoken proposal is perfect... i don't think jensen's a very verbose guy when it comes to his emotions, and grief would certainly make that even harder on him... i can see him working through his loss as time passed here. the ending where he finally decided to tell other ppl about ring... it's almost bittersweet (don't worry, it's still very very sad and angsty) in that there's an element of acceptance and finding his feet and moving on that just breaks me.
thank you for writing this, it's exactly the kinda angst i was looking for!
Re: FILL: Jensen & Jared - SPN RPS J2 death!ficvickevireJune 27 2011, 08:24:45 UTC
Hey, no, I wish I could write a billion comments!fic. But to me, trying to do that would be like - how's the saying? - squeezing tears from a stone? Writing is so, so frustrating to me.
The top shelf in their closet was too high up; Jensen could barely reach the box. A second later everything in it clattered to the floor. Jensen heard it, but he didn’t look. He felt completely sapped of energy, so instead he just left, closed the door and decided to do the dishes by hand. The familiar task relaxed him, and soon his breath hitched. He washed his dirty dishes and thought, like he always did, that he didn’t actually know what it was he was feeling. He felt numb, not sad, while tears dropped from his nose and chin and he gasped for air through his clogged throat.
---
Jensen sat cross legged in the closet sorting through the clatter. Two USB-drives, to check out later. A defiled magazine photo of him and Jared, impossible to decide what to do with. The charger they’d been - the lost charger. A chew toy worse for wear, to throw away. A jewelry box -
---
Jared Padalecki, it said on the grave. Jensen clenched his hand around the little box in his pocket. He didn’t know why he came here. He felt detached, like always, and being here didn’t change that.
Next time he came back, he simply sat on the grass.
He never said a word when he went to the grave. He needed to tell Jared something, but he couldn’t speak through the silence. It was like he didn’t have access to his own thoughts. Jensen didn’t stop going though. He went there, and he read the engraving, Jared Padalecki, and he waited.
---
Jensen turned left, towards the cemetery. He could feel his heart beat, too fast, and his skin felt branded from the goodbye hug Megan had given him. The wheels screeched as he parked carelessly by the cemetery. Then he flung the door open and stumbled out of the car.
“Jared,” he said, when he went down on his knees in front of the grave. “Jared, I’m gonna tell them.”
He dug the box out of his pocket. Inside, the ring was waiting, like it had been all this time. He stared at it. Jensen & Jared, the engraving said. When he put it on his finger, every detail felt like forever. The dampness of the grass, how the ring caught on his knuckle, how it gradually absorbed his body heat. The metal pressed against the stone as he carefully laid his hand flat against the grave. “I’m going to tell them,” he said.
The End
Um. The proposal is kinda unspoken. Sorry about that.
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love this fill. the unspoken proposal is perfect... i don't think jensen's a very verbose guy when it comes to his emotions, and grief would certainly make that even harder on him... i can see him working through his loss as time passed here. the ending where he finally decided to tell other ppl about ring... it's almost bittersweet (don't worry, it's still very very sad and angsty) in that there's an element of acceptance and finding his feet and moving on that just breaks me.
thank you for writing this, it's exactly the kinda angst i was looking for!
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It will end up being a bajillion comments I'm sure
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It's almost bittersweet in that there's an element of acceptance and finding his feet and moving on that just breaks me.
I'm so glad this game across. :)
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I especially like the way he can't even complete a full thought.
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I wanted to show how overwhelming grief can be, so I'm glad you liked that. :)
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