They had barely been cordial. Dinner in LA a few months ago had been awkward and painful, with a friend as a buffer to keep the elephant tame in the room. Zach had run home and made angry and loveless sex in frustration, wondering why things couldn’t have stayed the way they were - why he had lost his best fucking friend in the deal.
So Zach wanted to pound on a door. Maybe yell a bit, too. Maybe yell about why the other day had been so different, with Chris buying a paper and listening to him ramble, their steps falling in sync. How Zach had remembered off the tip of his tongue Chris’ coffee order, and how Chris hadn’t been annoyed that Zach had ordered for him. How they had walked through Central Park, enjoying the sunshine and silence, and later enjoying the sounds of the rain as they had huddled together in a used bookstore, opening dusty texts of sonnets and spells.
How it had felt oh-so natural, oh-so right.
But when Chris opened the door to him, in wrinkled white t-shirt and dirty blue jeans, hair mussed and eyes squinted, Zach didn’t want to yell anymore. He wanted to whisper.
“Marry me,” it tumbled out, stunning Zach as much as Chris, still foggy from sleep.
Maybe it had taken the thousand steps to Chris’ door to realize that his longing and desire had been misplaced - that Zach had been misguided all this time. That a simmering anger from seeing Chris on the cover of magazines, on the previews for movies, during commercials on TV - all of it had been the annoying knock of destiny, the annoying warning bells that Zach had been going down the wrong path.
So wrong from what felt right as Zach rushed forward, hands gripping Chris’ shoulders.
“Do you love me?” Zach said, breathless and anxious.
Chris looked up, blinking a few times. “... Did I miss something?”
But Chris wasn’t moving away. His hands reached up instinctively for Zach’s waist, pulling them closer as Chris still looked dazed and confused.
Zach’s hands skimmed down Chris’ biceps, letting their foreheads gently touch.
“I’m an idiot,” Zach murmured, closing his eyes at the sensation of Chris’ fingertips tracing his lower back. “I’m an idiot who didn’t know I was still in love with you.”
Who wanted to run out into the streets and swing Chris around - be happy and ecstatic and hopeful with Chris. With this man in his immediate space, overwhelming him, overwhelming everything.
A rush and adrenaline pounded through him, and the moment was like a pinch of awareness - a deep hunger that this was what Zach truly wanted. Maybe would be given a second chance to finally possess.
If Chris would stop looking like that - shocked and startled like a deer in the headlights.
“They passed it?” Chris asked softly, scrutinizing Zach like a wounded animal, cautious yet not running away.
Zach could only nod. He looked in those blue eyes, letting the thoughts spiral of how he had fucked this up irreparably - Chris had been friendly. It hadn’t meant anything beyond niceties and wanting to get along. Hadn’t meant that Chris felt the same way, perhaps hoping that Zach would somehow wake up and realize it, too.
But the crush of their bodies together - Chris’ arms folding around him and not letting Zach escape - then the push away for Chris to grab the sides of his face, to smash their mouths together. Sweeter than it ought to be, more painful with drowning want and desire and need.
Painful in Chris stepping away, whispering, “Yes.”
They locked eyes, with Chris smiling as he said, “Yes, you’re an idiot.”
There was a long pause, and Zach wondered if there would be a catch to this - if Chris would ever stop grinning like that, would finally let Zach have it for barging in and mucking up their tentative friendship. Would ever let Zach have a dignified retreat, only to go home and maybe contemplate the beard and the drinking and the work for the rest of his days.
But Chris moved into his space, seeming to enjoy Zach’s panic as he said, “And yes, I’ll marry you. Whenever they finally legalize it, and my parents and agent finally get used to the idea - and you get used to the idea.”
Chris chuckled, mere inches from him, looking stupidly happy as Zach lacked the breath to shout Why?! or What?! or How?!, and instead pulled Chris in for another kiss - this time softer, this time more poignant.
Zach could hear the bells in his head, all the pieces locking into place - an open window letting in the sounds of the street, more whooping and hollering as celebrations in the city intensified.
All echoing the grin that Zach had on his face, reveling in his moment of destiny.
Re: FILLED, (3/3) leandralockeJune 26 2011, 05:05:27 UTC
Oh my god! This was really beautiful. Reading this hurt so wonderfully, so bittersweetly. Especially this bit:
So Zach wanted to pound on a door. Maybe yell a bit, too. Maybe yell about why the other day had been so different, with Chris buying a paper and listening to him ramble, their steps falling in sync. How Zach had remembered off the tip of his tongue Chris’ coffee order, and how Chris hadn’t been annoyed that Zach had ordered for him. How they had walked through Central Park, enjoying the sunshine and silence, and later enjoying the sounds of the rain as they had huddled together in a used bookstore, opening dusty texts of sonnets and spells.
and this:
Who wanted to run out into the streets and swing Chris around - be happy and ecstatic and hopeful with Chris. With this man in his immediate space, overwhelming him, overwhelming everything.
And this is how I felt throughout the whole story: Sweeter than it ought to be, more painful with drowning want and desire and need.
And the 'yes, you're an idiot' bit :D
I'm always a bit surprised (for the lack of a better word) when authors manage to get so much emotional depth and such a three-dimensional atmosphere in such a short ficlet; you did exactly that! Loved it, loved it, LOVED it!!
So Zach wanted to pound on a door. Maybe yell a bit, too. Maybe yell about why the other day had been so different, with Chris buying a paper and listening to him ramble, their steps falling in sync. How Zach had remembered off the tip of his tongue Chris’ coffee order, and how Chris hadn’t been annoyed that Zach had ordered for him. How they had walked through Central Park, enjoying the sunshine and silence, and later enjoying the sounds of the rain as they had huddled together in a used bookstore, opening dusty texts of sonnets and spells.
How it had felt oh-so natural, oh-so right.
But when Chris opened the door to him, in wrinkled white t-shirt and dirty blue jeans, hair mussed and eyes squinted, Zach didn’t want to yell anymore. He wanted to whisper.
“Marry me,” it tumbled out, stunning Zach as much as Chris, still foggy from sleep.
Maybe it had taken the thousand steps to Chris’ door to realize that his longing and desire had been misplaced - that Zach had been misguided all this time. That a simmering anger from seeing Chris on the cover of magazines, on the previews for movies, during commercials on TV - all of it had been the annoying knock of destiny, the annoying warning bells that Zach had been going down the wrong path.
So wrong from what felt right as Zach rushed forward, hands gripping Chris’ shoulders.
“Do you love me?” Zach said, breathless and anxious.
Chris looked up, blinking a few times. “... Did I miss something?”
But Chris wasn’t moving away. His hands reached up instinctively for Zach’s waist, pulling them closer as Chris still looked dazed and confused.
Zach’s hands skimmed down Chris’ biceps, letting their foreheads gently touch.
“I’m an idiot,” Zach murmured, closing his eyes at the sensation of Chris’ fingertips tracing his lower back. “I’m an idiot who didn’t know I was still in love with you.”
Who wanted to run out into the streets and swing Chris around - be happy and ecstatic and hopeful with Chris. With this man in his immediate space, overwhelming him, overwhelming everything.
A rush and adrenaline pounded through him, and the moment was like a pinch of awareness - a deep hunger that this was what Zach truly wanted. Maybe would be given a second chance to finally possess.
If Chris would stop looking like that - shocked and startled like a deer in the headlights.
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Zach could only nod. He looked in those blue eyes, letting the thoughts spiral of how he had fucked this up irreparably - Chris had been friendly. It hadn’t meant anything beyond niceties and wanting to get along. Hadn’t meant that Chris felt the same way, perhaps hoping that Zach would somehow wake up and realize it, too.
But the crush of their bodies together - Chris’ arms folding around him and not letting Zach escape - then the push away for Chris to grab the sides of his face, to smash their mouths together. Sweeter than it ought to be, more painful with drowning want and desire and need.
Painful in Chris stepping away, whispering, “Yes.”
They locked eyes, with Chris smiling as he said, “Yes, you’re an idiot.”
There was a long pause, and Zach wondered if there would be a catch to this - if Chris would ever stop grinning like that, would finally let Zach have it for barging in and mucking up their tentative friendship. Would ever let Zach have a dignified retreat, only to go home and maybe contemplate the beard and the drinking and the work for the rest of his days.
But Chris moved into his space, seeming to enjoy Zach’s panic as he said, “And yes, I’ll marry you. Whenever they finally legalize it, and my parents and agent finally get used to the idea - and you get used to the idea.”
Chris chuckled, mere inches from him, looking stupidly happy as Zach lacked the breath to shout Why?! or What?! or How?!, and instead pulled Chris in for another kiss - this time softer, this time more poignant.
Zach could hear the bells in his head, all the pieces locking into place - an open window letting in the sounds of the street, more whooping and hollering as celebrations in the city intensified.
All echoing the grin that Zach had on his face, reveling in his moment of destiny.
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IT MUST HAPPEN IRL
So awesome. Well done bb! Well done, I say!
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Thanks, darlin'! I have never gotten an applause gif, I am filled with glee.
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So Zach wanted to pound on a door. Maybe yell a bit, too. Maybe yell about why the other day had been so different, with Chris buying a paper and listening to him ramble, their steps falling in sync. How Zach had remembered off the tip of his tongue Chris’ coffee order, and how Chris hadn’t been annoyed that Zach had ordered for him. How they had walked through Central Park, enjoying the sunshine and silence, and later enjoying the sounds of the rain as they had huddled together in a used bookstore, opening dusty texts of sonnets and spells.
and this:
Who wanted to run out into the streets and swing Chris around - be happy and ecstatic and hopeful with Chris. With this man in his immediate space, overwhelming him, overwhelming everything.
And this is how I felt throughout the whole story:
Sweeter than it ought to be, more painful with drowning want and desire and need.
And the 'yes, you're an idiot' bit :D
I'm always a bit surprised (for the lack of a better word) when authors manage to get so much emotional depth and such a three-dimensional atmosphere in such a short ficlet; you did exactly that! Loved it, loved it, LOVED it!!
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Disorientated!Chris was adorable! Thank you, so much for this. I'm just getting into this pair!
“Do you love me?” Zach said, breathless and anxious.
Chris looked up, blinking a few times. “... Did I miss something?” LOL. :D
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