FILL: XFC - Charles/Erik, 2/2
anonymous
July 1 2011, 22:51:28 UTC
When Erik looks in the mirror, his hair has gone gray and there are creases at the corners of his eyes. He looks tired. He looks like-
(there are decisions you make in a half-second, like a kiss or a gunshot or
or the lifting of a helmet from your head and it’s like)
-like he’s waiting for something he’s been looking for for years, and with metal in his hands he feels Charles for the first time in so long, like Charles has been looking too, has never stopped, is always searching for Erik, because he’s right there and Erik hears:
You won’t even hear this but I have to say it anyway, it’s too much to keep inside of me, it has to come out; come home, Erik, come home, come back to me. Why do I do this, I miss you, I need you here, my bed feels too big without your head on my shoulder and your body around mine, we could have made it work, we can still make it work Erik Erik I have to keep doing this because one day you might hear me, and I will keep waiting for that day, Erik.
And Erik can see the visions flickering in Charles’s mind, the two of them old and worn and happy with it, waking slowly together in the sunlight, kissing with the lack of urgency only possible when you know you have forever for it; Charles’s mouth pressing soft kisses on Erik’s throat, Erik’s hand clasped in Charles’s. They are wearing rings, and Erik turns it on Charles’s finger without touching it, then strokes the curve of it with his thumb, and Charles smiles at him with the world in his eyes.
I would marry you, come the words, mournful. I would keep you forever, wear your ring, I would let no one else have you, you would be mine and I would want no one but you. I want no one but you even now. We could be happy.
Erik gasps out loud, a jarring sound that comes out almost a sob, and he can’t do it, he can’t listen any longer; all he can do is steel himself and reach out with a Charles.
There isn’t even a pause.
It’s as if Charles has only been waiting for this, barely holding himself back, and Erik’s voice touching him broke him free of the last of his fetters . Charles floods Erik’s mind without another word, without even asking, but it’s all right because he knows, he must know that Erik’s body, his mind, everything within him is crying out Yes.
Yes to all of Charles’s questions, voiced and unvoiced, yes to the vision of the future-that-could-be that he holds dear, yes to the things he wants from Erik, yes to his mind, his presence, yes to Charles. Yes to everything, all of it, whatever he wants of him.
Oh, Charles gasps within his mind, warm joy bubbling forward until it seeps under Erik’s skin, and Erik realizes he is on his knees, but that is distant because all he can feel throughout is Charles, Charles’s love for him, Charles sliding back inside Erik’s mind where he belongs.
Erik, Charles sends him, and it’s shattering how much is wrapped up in that one word.
Wait for me, Erik thinks, and Charles answers, Always, and Erik laughs, wipes his cheeks dry, rises to his feet.
Charles is with him, and Erik thinks: I’m coming home.
Re: FILL: XFC - Charles/Erik, 2/2murf1307July 31 2011, 16:22:30 UTC
My god, this is perfect. I just saw X2, and I've seen the first film, but I've not seen any of the others, so I'm running on a limited knowledge of canon, but fuck this is perfect.
I've never really thought about the helmet and how it keeps dear Charles out of Erik's head, but oh my god.
Just the level of desperation in this fic is beyond words; Charles' desperation comes through perfectly, as does Erik's. The way you blur your sentences together and just make them ache is brilliant.
*sobs* Oh, this is heartbreaking and beautiful. I love how you wrote the intimacy and joy and comfort of their mental bonding, Erik's desperate determination when he felt he had to sever it was painful, and the loss and grief and hurt of its absence came across vividly. Very well done indeed.
(there are decisions you make in a half-second, like a kiss or a gunshot or
or the lifting of a helmet from your head and it’s like)
-like he’s waiting for something he’s been looking for for years, and with metal in his hands he feels Charles for the first time in so long, like Charles has been looking too, has never stopped, is always searching for Erik, because he’s right there and Erik hears:
You won’t even hear this but I have to say it anyway, it’s too much to keep inside of me, it has to come out; come home, Erik, come home, come back to me. Why do I do this, I miss you, I need you here, my bed feels too big without your head on my shoulder and your body around mine, we could have made it work, we can still make it work Erik Erik I have to keep doing this because one day you might hear me, and I will keep waiting for that day, Erik.
And Erik can see the visions flickering in Charles’s mind, the two of them old and worn and happy with it, waking slowly together in the sunlight, kissing with the lack of urgency only possible when you know you have forever for it; Charles’s mouth pressing soft kisses on Erik’s throat, Erik’s hand clasped in Charles’s. They are wearing rings, and Erik turns it on Charles’s finger without touching it, then strokes the curve of it with his thumb, and Charles smiles at him with the world in his eyes.
I would marry you, come the words, mournful. I would keep you forever, wear your ring, I would let no one else have you, you would be mine and I would want no one but you. I want no one but you even now. We could be happy.
Erik gasps out loud, a jarring sound that comes out almost a sob, and he can’t do it, he can’t listen any longer; all he can do is steel himself and reach out with a Charles.
There isn’t even a pause.
It’s as if Charles has only been waiting for this, barely holding himself back, and Erik’s voice touching him broke him free of the last of his fetters . Charles floods Erik’s mind without another word, without even asking, but it’s all right because he knows, he must know that Erik’s body, his mind, everything within him is crying out Yes.
Yes to all of Charles’s questions, voiced and unvoiced, yes to the vision of the future-that-could-be that he holds dear, yes to the things he wants from Erik, yes to his mind, his presence, yes to Charles. Yes to everything, all of it, whatever he wants of him.
Oh, Charles gasps within his mind, warm joy bubbling forward until it seeps under Erik’s skin, and Erik realizes he is on his knees, but that is distant because all he can feel throughout is Charles, Charles’s love for him, Charles sliding back inside Erik’s mind where he belongs.
Erik, Charles sends him, and it’s shattering how much is wrapped up in that one word.
Wait for me, Erik thinks, and Charles answers, Always, and Erik laughs, wipes his cheeks dry, rises to his feet.
Charles is with him, and Erik thinks: I’m coming home.
*
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
I've never really thought about the helmet and how it keeps dear Charles out of Erik's head, but oh my god.
Just the level of desperation in this fic is beyond words; Charles' desperation comes through perfectly, as does Erik's. The way you blur your sentences together and just make them ache is brilliant.
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment