How Gay Marriage Stopped the Apocalypse (part 5)tawgJune 28 2011, 12:46:51 UTC
Sam’s shoulders slumped. Gabriel was not sounding receptive to the idea of meeting up with his brothers... lovers... whatever the heck it amounts to for angels.
“I was made to balance those two out, you know.”
Sam looked up in interest. “Really?”
“Oh yeah. They could not compromise on anything. So Dad goes and makes me. I am a divine mix of distraction and judgement,” Gabriel said, waving his arms about. “He made me so he wouldn’t have to settle their arguments anymore!”
“Well,” Sam said, trying to find an angle that would serve his purpose. “If it’s what you were made for...”
Gabriel shot Sam a flat look. “And how have you enjoyed the tasks you were made for, Sammy? Hm?”
“Okay, okay. Point taken. But, look, Michael and Lucifer are still fighting over you. They’re bringing the whole world into it!”
Gabriel waved a hand. “They’ll storm off and sulk in their own corners eventually. It’s what happened last time.”
“No, what happened last time is that they couldn’t find you. No Gabriel, nothing to fight over.”
Gabriel frowned. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
“They’re fighting over you, numbskull,” Sam snapped. “For you. To obtain you. They are essentially sitting in a Super8 motel while Dean of all people tries to talk them through date night etiquette because the whole apocalypse is apparently two suitors slapping gloves at each other over who loves you more!”
Gabriel sat there in silence. Even the cheesy strip club music had stopped. “Huh,” he eventually said. “That... that actually explains a few things.”
Sam gaped at Gabriel. “You honestly didn’t know?”
Gabriel shrugged. “It’s not like either of them actually said anything. No, it was all creating mountain ranges in the shape of my name, or colouring the sand of a whole desert after my sign. Too busy doing showy shit like that to actually show they cared or anything.”
Sam dragged his gaping at Gabriel out as long as possible. “Well,” he said at last. “Now you know. You know, and you are going to go and pick one of them so we can all go back to our own lives.”
“Hell no,” Gabriel said, signalling for another milkshake.
“What?”
“You deaf, Sammy? Because if you are that wasn’t me. I said no. N-O. A word I hear you’re familiar with.”
“But... But you could stop this whole thing!”
Gabriel shrugged. “Or I could wait it out, just like last time.”
“You cannot be serious.”
Gabriel glared at Sam, the effect somewhat dampened by the mess of cream and sprinkles in front of him. “You know what ‘picking an angel’ in the ‘do you want to go with me?’ sense means? It means picking them forever. For the rest of eternity. And I have the gift of foresight, I know just how long eternity is. And stuck with either of them? It feels a whole lot longer. Hell, I’d rather get bonded to you. At least it’d be over when you died. And given Winchester luck, I’d be a bachelor again in a week.”
Gabriel dug into a small mountain of crepes. He was halfway done before he noticed the silence from Sam and looked up. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
How Gay Marriage Stopped the Apocalypse (end!)tawgJune 28 2011, 12:47:44 UTC
Dean was explaining to Michael for the third time why he shouldn’t order a cider at a bar if he wanted to get laid, when Castiel popped up, and thrust a napkin at Dean. Written on it, in a rather girly cursive: To Dean, Mikey, and Luci,
You are all cordially invited to the wedding of Loki Anisi Gabriel Archangel of Justice and dogs and Samuel Winchester, to be held right this minute so, I guess you guys have missed it. Oh well. Feel free to contribute to our treasure chest by donating any small islands you have find and stopping the apocalypse.
Dean looked up at Cas. “They can’t be serious.”
Cas held out a Polaroid photo, of Sam looking awkward, Gabriel wearing a veil, and the two of them apparently sharing their first kiss as a married couple on the bridge of the starship Enterprise, their wedding having been officiated by Elvis.
*
“Your exact words,” Gabriel said, swaying happily as he stood on Sam’s feet and yet still somehow managed to steer Sam around in a waltz, “were ‘so long as he picks someone’. Freaking angel of justice, boys. You should have picked your words better.”
“And you,” Dean said, glaring at Sam. “What’s your excuse?”
Sam shrugged. “It beats jumping into Hell. I think you should go talk to Cas. It looks like he’s learning a lot about the importance of ‘human bonding rituals’ in a healthy relationship. And you did stab him that one time.”
“I can’t believe you’d do this to us,” Michael said, turning some impressive puppy-dog eyes onto Gabriel. “After those millennia we spent gazing upon you with love.”
Gabriel snorted. “The only thing you two loved was bickering with each other. I’m surprised you two didn’t end up shacking up. The makeup sex for the snit fit you two have been having since the dinosaurs would be epic.”
Michael and Lucifer gazed at each other dubiously. And then Lucifer’s gaze turned considering, and Michael glared at Lucifer, and Lucifer grinned.
“And they all lived happily ever after,” Sam said, watching as his brother tried to drag Cas away from wedding-ceremony-Elvis, and Lucifer and Michael tried to secure his services before the open bar ran out.
“Right up until they all try to kill one another in their sleep.”
“It’ll work out,” Sam said. “It’s just been an emotional day.”
Gabriel nodded with sympathy. “Even the cake is in tiers.”
“That was terrible.”
Gabriel let his hands slide down to rest on Sam’s ass. “Love can be a touchy subject,” he observed.
Re: How Gay Marriage Stopped the Apocalypse (end!)licklesoxyJune 28 2011, 14:56:08 UTC
Haha, this is brilliant! Michael and Lucifer's insults to each other are so funny, and Castiel turning up with a 'I heart RediTaxi' badge had me in stitches.
I love your writing style, and adore all the pairings you've used XD
Re: How Gay Marriage Stopped the Apocalypse (end!)janie_tangerineJune 28 2011, 15:59:53 UTC
OMG LOL THIS WAS THE BEST CRACK EVER XDDD I ended up snorting like every two lines. Cas and the taxis! Michael wanting to put lilies all over Australia! XDDDDDDDDDDDD and Dean in the diner. Lolol. And ELVIS MARRIED THEM IN FRONT OF THE ENTERPRISE XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I don't even do Sam/Gabriel but I highly approve of it in this case. XDDDDDDDDD and Dean and the Cas-stabbing - omg lol forever. This = awesomeness.
Of course, Cas mixes them up and Gabriel makes the most of the chocolate jacuzzi at the reception (much to Sam's utter mortification. He is not taking well to married-life). But Dean has no complaints about consuming an entire lamb during the course of his honeymoon.
“I was made to balance those two out, you know.”
Sam looked up in interest. “Really?”
“Oh yeah. They could not compromise on anything. So Dad goes and makes me. I am a divine mix of distraction and judgement,” Gabriel said, waving his arms about. “He made me so he wouldn’t have to settle their arguments anymore!”
“Well,” Sam said, trying to find an angle that would serve his purpose. “If it’s what you were made for...”
Gabriel shot Sam a flat look. “And how have you enjoyed the tasks you were made for, Sammy? Hm?”
“Okay, okay. Point taken. But, look, Michael and Lucifer are still fighting over you. They’re bringing the whole world into it!”
Gabriel waved a hand. “They’ll storm off and sulk in their own corners eventually. It’s what happened last time.”
“No, what happened last time is that they couldn’t find you. No Gabriel, nothing to fight over.”
Gabriel frowned. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
“They’re fighting over you, numbskull,” Sam snapped. “For you. To obtain you. They are essentially sitting in a Super8 motel while Dean of all people tries to talk them through date night etiquette because the whole apocalypse is apparently two suitors slapping gloves at each other over who loves you more!”
Gabriel sat there in silence. Even the cheesy strip club music had stopped. “Huh,” he eventually said. “That... that actually explains a few things.”
Sam gaped at Gabriel. “You honestly didn’t know?”
Gabriel shrugged. “It’s not like either of them actually said anything. No, it was all creating mountain ranges in the shape of my name, or colouring the sand of a whole desert after my sign. Too busy doing showy shit like that to actually show they cared or anything.”
Sam dragged his gaping at Gabriel out as long as possible. “Well,” he said at last. “Now you know. You know, and you are going to go and pick one of them so we can all go back to our own lives.”
“Hell no,” Gabriel said, signalling for another milkshake.
“What?”
“You deaf, Sammy? Because if you are that wasn’t me. I said no. N-O. A word I hear you’re familiar with.”
“But... But you could stop this whole thing!”
Gabriel shrugged. “Or I could wait it out, just like last time.”
“You cannot be serious.”
Gabriel glared at Sam, the effect somewhat dampened by the mess of cream and sprinkles in front of him. “You know what ‘picking an angel’ in the ‘do you want to go with me?’ sense means? It means picking them forever. For the rest of eternity. And I have the gift of foresight, I know just how long eternity is. And stuck with either of them? It feels a whole lot longer. Hell, I’d rather get bonded to you. At least it’d be over when you died. And given Winchester luck, I’d be a bachelor again in a week.”
Gabriel dug into a small mountain of crepes. He was halfway done before he noticed the silence from Sam and looked up. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
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You are all cordially invited to the wedding of Loki Anisi Gabriel Archangel of Justice and dogs and Samuel Winchester, to be held right this minute so, I guess you guys have missed it. Oh well. Feel free to contribute to our treasure chest by donating any small islands you have find and stopping the apocalypse.
Dean looked up at Cas. “They can’t be serious.”
Cas held out a Polaroid photo, of Sam looking awkward, Gabriel wearing a veil, and the two of them apparently sharing their first kiss as a married couple on the bridge of the starship Enterprise, their wedding having been officiated by Elvis.
*
“Your exact words,” Gabriel said, swaying happily as he stood on Sam’s feet and yet still somehow managed to steer Sam around in a waltz, “were ‘so long as he picks someone’. Freaking angel of justice, boys. You should have picked your words better.”
“And you,” Dean said, glaring at Sam. “What’s your excuse?”
Sam shrugged. “It beats jumping into Hell. I think you should go talk to Cas. It looks like he’s learning a lot about the importance of ‘human bonding rituals’ in a healthy relationship. And you did stab him that one time.”
“I can’t believe you’d do this to us,” Michael said, turning some impressive puppy-dog eyes onto Gabriel. “After those millennia we spent gazing upon you with love.”
Gabriel snorted. “The only thing you two loved was bickering with each other. I’m surprised you two didn’t end up shacking up. The makeup sex for the snit fit you two have been having since the dinosaurs would be epic.”
Michael and Lucifer gazed at each other dubiously. And then Lucifer’s gaze turned considering, and Michael glared at Lucifer, and Lucifer grinned.
“And they all lived happily ever after,” Sam said, watching as his brother tried to drag Cas away from wedding-ceremony-Elvis, and Lucifer and Michael tried to secure his services before the open bar ran out.
“Right up until they all try to kill one another in their sleep.”
“It’ll work out,” Sam said. “It’s just been an emotional day.”
Gabriel nodded with sympathy. “Even the cake is in tiers.”
“That was terrible.”
Gabriel let his hands slide down to rest on Sam’s ass. “Love can be a touchy subject,” he observed.
“You need to stop talking now.”
“Don’t be silly, I’m perfectly engaging.”
“Just kill me now.”
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I love your writing style, and adore all the pairings you've used XD
Thanks for this. It's amazing :D
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It was awesome and so cute, I couldn't stop laughing :D
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"Cas, that's not the point!" Dean growls, gesturing wildly as he does when angry.
"What is the point?" Cas tilts his head, looking at Dean with huge eyes.
"That's a trickster wedding! We'll have an angelic wedding. And Sammy was supposed to be the traditional one, you know?"
"Would you settle for those things at the reception and on the honeymoon?" Cas asks after a moment, trying to placate Dean.
Dean thinks about it, actually has to think about this, before agreeing.
"Yeah, I like that idea."
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