FILL: Kris/Adam 1/2tvivelJune 27 2011, 19:14:21 UTC
A/N: OK, I couldn't resist this. I just love mistaken break-ups. I haven't written Kradam in ages. -----
Adam's hand shakes as he’s trying to line his eye black. He breathes in deeply, willing it to stay steady just for a minute. He finally manages, and then breathes out.
This is it. This is the day everything ends. He’s sure of it. Kris has been kind of weird and distant for weeks now. He’s been spending time with Allison a lot more lately. And now this. Dinner at Adam’s favorite LA restaurant. Adam isn’t sure if he should feel comforted by Kris’s need to do something good out of the situation, or throw a raging fit at having to go through all that in public. Fuck.
He knew this would happen, prayed that it wouldn’t. Ever since that day when Kris decided to give them a chance to try… to try this relationship. Kris had never been with a guy before, wasn’t sure if it would work between them, even though they had practically been platonic lifemates before then. Kris gave Adam that chance, though, and he was grateful. He still is, even though it’s killing him inside right now. He wouldn’t take back a single second of what they have together.
He shakes his head. Dinner, yeah.
The drive to the restaurant is silent. Kris holds his hand and Adam lets him, relishing in the contact between their interlaced fingers. Maybe, he lets himself hope, it’s just dinner. Just a normal dinner between two guys who’ve been together for 5 years. Then Kris fidgets nervously, and Adam looks away.
They get seated in a secluded corner of the restaurant, and Adam goes through the motions for a while. He’s distracted, but fuck if he can help it.
“Adam,” Kris starts, something unreadable in his eyes, “I brought you here for a reason. I wanted to - I don’t know why this is so difficult - you mean the world to me. I love you and -”
Adam’s mind goes completely blank for a second. “I know what this is about.”
Kris startles. “You do?” His expression looks comically confused, and Adam would laugh if he didn’t feel like throwing up his insides. Kris chuckles nervously. “Are you trying to make it easier for me because I’m scared shitless?”
“This is it, isn’t it?” Adam says, ignoring the little flare of anger growing inside his stomach. “I’ve been suspecting it for weeks now.”
“Aren’t you supposed to let me go through with it even if you know what’s going on?” Kris chuckles. “Didn’t think interrupted proposals were all that romantic.”
“I thought it would be easiest on us - wait, what?” His heartbeat picks up rapidly. “Pro - proposal?”
Kris looks at him, cocking his head to one side. “Well yeah, that’s what I’ve been gearing up to do here.”
“You’re not breaking up with me?” Adam asks, small and unsure, hating how his voice cracks.
Kris starts. Then he just looks at Adam for a while, completely dumbstruck. “Why would I be breaking up with you?”
Adam’s face heats up, and he averts his eyes to his untouched dessert. It’s almost too hard to say out loud. “Because you’ve decided you don’t want to be with me anymore. Because you like Allison? Because you’re straight after all?” He loathes how pathetic he sounds.
FILL: Kris/Adam 2/2tvivelJune 27 2011, 19:19:44 UTC
“We said… you said… when we started dating. I knew it was a risk, but I wanted to try… us. You were straight and unsure and you made me promise that even if this thing between us didn’t work out… that we’d still stay friends. I’m not sure I can stay friends. I’m so sorry, Kris. I’m really -”
“Oh Adam,” Kris interrupts, and it sounds so painfully sad. “I’m sorry, I’m really, really sorry baby.” He reaches for Adam’s hand and grasps in firmly. “Look at me. I’m not trying, nor will I ever in my life try, to break up with you. I love you. I’m in love with you. There’s no one else in my life who makes me as happy and fulfilled as you.” Kris leans in and tips Adam’s chin back up. “I will not suddenly decide to be straight again. Sure, I was nervous at the beginning. I had been straight and had never thought of guys before. I had some reasonable doubts about my sexuality. You know all that. I just don’t know how… how you forget the last five years of our life and focus on the beginning.”
Adam finally looks up. He feels a tiny bubble of hope, and then he feels stupid, silly and like he’s in a moronic teen movie, starring as an insecure virgin. “Oh,” is all he can manage.
“I can’t believe… you have nothing to be afraid of here. You thought I suddenly decided I hated dick? Have you been present during the last five years of our sex life? Do you have ears and eyes?” He jokes lightly, and Adam suddenly feels better.
“I’m such a moron.”
“You’re not a moron,” Kris says affectionately.
“I kind of am. You reduce my brain to mush.”
Kris winks. “Maybe you are a bit of a moron, OK. But you’re my moron.”
“I’m just so scared of losing you. I know it’s not rational -”
“It isn’t.” Kris uses his free hand to pull out something from his pocket. “Now that we’ve established there is no breaking up to be done…”
Adam immediately stiffens, his heartbeat picking up. “You -”
“Shhh,” Kris says. He opens the box in his hand and pulls out a ring. “I love you. I’m so in love with you and I don’t want you to ever doubt that. You make me everything that I want to be, Adam. Will you marry me?”
Adam still can’t make his mouth form words, so he just nods frantically. Kris grins and slips the ring on Adam’s finger.
“I want to go home. I want to make love to you so you’ll never forget how much I really want you.”
“Yeah, let’s go home,” Adam answers hoarsely, his eyes drawn to the ring on his finger.
Kris beams up at him, and Adam finally knows, more than ever before, than they’re in this forever. -------
-----
Adam's hand shakes as he’s trying to line his eye black. He breathes in deeply, willing it to stay steady just for a minute. He finally manages, and then breathes out.
This is it. This is the day everything ends. He’s sure of it. Kris has been kind of weird and distant for weeks now. He’s been spending time with Allison a lot more lately. And now this. Dinner at Adam’s favorite LA restaurant. Adam isn’t sure if he should feel comforted by Kris’s need to do something good out of the situation, or throw a raging fit at having to go through all that in public. Fuck.
He knew this would happen, prayed that it wouldn’t. Ever since that day when Kris decided to give them a chance to try… to try this relationship. Kris had never been with a guy before, wasn’t sure if it would work between them, even though they had practically been platonic lifemates before then. Kris gave Adam that chance, though, and he was grateful. He still is, even though it’s killing him inside right now. He wouldn’t take back a single second of what they have together.
He shakes his head. Dinner, yeah.
The drive to the restaurant is silent. Kris holds his hand and Adam lets him, relishing in the contact between their interlaced fingers. Maybe, he lets himself hope, it’s just dinner. Just a normal dinner between two guys who’ve been together for 5 years. Then Kris fidgets nervously, and Adam looks away.
They get seated in a secluded corner of the restaurant, and Adam goes through the motions for a while. He’s distracted, but fuck if he can help it.
“Adam,” Kris starts, something unreadable in his eyes, “I brought you here for a reason. I wanted to - I don’t know why this is so difficult - you mean the world to me. I love you and -”
Adam’s mind goes completely blank for a second. “I know what this is about.”
Kris startles. “You do?” His expression looks comically confused, and Adam would laugh if he didn’t feel like throwing up his insides. Kris chuckles nervously. “Are you trying to make it easier for me because I’m scared shitless?”
“This is it, isn’t it?” Adam says, ignoring the little flare of anger growing inside his stomach. “I’ve been suspecting it for weeks now.”
“Aren’t you supposed to let me go through with it even if you know what’s going on?” Kris chuckles. “Didn’t think interrupted proposals were all that romantic.”
“I thought it would be easiest on us - wait, what?” His heartbeat picks up rapidly. “Pro - proposal?”
Kris looks at him, cocking his head to one side. “Well yeah, that’s what I’ve been gearing up to do here.”
“You’re not breaking up with me?” Adam asks, small and unsure, hating how his voice cracks.
Kris starts. Then he just looks at Adam for a while, completely dumbstruck. “Why would I be breaking up with you?”
Adam’s face heats up, and he averts his eyes to his untouched dessert. It’s almost too hard to say out loud. “Because you’ve decided you don’t want to be with me anymore. Because you like Allison? Because you’re straight after all?” He loathes how pathetic he sounds.
“What, Adam! How could you think that?”
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“Oh Adam,” Kris interrupts, and it sounds so painfully sad. “I’m sorry, I’m really, really sorry baby.” He reaches for Adam’s hand and grasps in firmly. “Look at me. I’m not trying, nor will I ever in my life try, to break up with you. I love you. I’m in love with you. There’s no one else in my life who makes me as happy and fulfilled as you.” Kris leans in and tips Adam’s chin back up. “I will not suddenly decide to be straight again. Sure, I was nervous at the beginning. I had been straight and had never thought of guys before. I had some reasonable doubts about my sexuality. You know all that. I just don’t know how… how you forget the last five years of our life and focus on the beginning.”
Adam finally looks up. He feels a tiny bubble of hope, and then he feels stupid, silly and like he’s in a moronic teen movie, starring as an insecure virgin. “Oh,” is all he can manage.
“I can’t believe… you have nothing to be afraid of here. You thought I suddenly decided I hated dick? Have you been present during the last five years of our sex life? Do you have ears and eyes?” He jokes lightly, and Adam suddenly feels better.
“I’m such a moron.”
“You’re not a moron,” Kris says affectionately.
“I kind of am. You reduce my brain to mush.”
Kris winks. “Maybe you are a bit of a moron, OK. But you’re my moron.”
“I’m just so scared of losing you. I know it’s not rational -”
“It isn’t.” Kris uses his free hand to pull out something from his pocket. “Now that we’ve established there is no breaking up to be done…”
Adam immediately stiffens, his heartbeat picking up. “You -”
“Shhh,” Kris says. He opens the box in his hand and pulls out a ring. “I love you. I’m so in love with you and I don’t want you to ever doubt that. You make me everything that I want to be, Adam. Will you marry me?”
Adam still can’t make his mouth form words, so he just nods frantically. Kris grins and slips the ring on Adam’s finger.
“I want to go home. I want to make love to you so you’ll never forget how much I really want you.”
“Yeah, let’s go home,” Adam answers hoarsely, his eyes drawn to the ring on his finger.
Kris beams up at him, and Adam finally knows, more than ever before, than they’re in this forever.
-------
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