(no subject)
totally fucking bored and numb. its friday and all i have planned is the dishes. what happened to my life , where is it going? five months ago i was happy, i would be at trax right now preforming. m would be serving drinks, then dancing, go home snuggle and wake up and make breakfast. what the fuck, why cant i just move on and feel totally good about the situation and see it as a new begining instead of an end? oh yeah their called emotions. its weird going from seeing some one everyday and sharing your life to "what time are you stopping by with the money and heres two more bags of your things" and when they call its on their new "girlfriends" phone. its hard to see the breakthrough through what i think is now the breaking point. i see myself changing into this blank faced and miserable person who will never trust and will always hold on to what they lost. pathetic i know. maybe its just part of the process. i think sometimes that we are reaching that point where theres no conversation cause we both have changed into someone new. shes moved on , hell awhile ago, and im just spinning around it. i should make a list of things i want to accomplish and put it into action. like fixing me. i feel like everybody is having fun without me and i will be forgotton, thats just my insecurities seeping through i know. i miss parkland i miss the simplicity of it and i miss m. now matter how crazy she got, i loved that wild side even if i didnt show it. oh how easier it would be if i could just be mad at her. well see what happens in the future, will we be friends or will we grow farther and farther away until we were just names on a list of past hookups. did we impact each others lives? or will all be forgotton? blah the ramblings of the dumped.