Set your price in the beginning. If it ever costs too much, get out.
So, I'm stupid. Yeah. The thing with my friend-zoned friend has gone exactly as I suspected. She met this new dude and now they're hitting it off fantastically and she's incredibly happy. This is most definitely a good thing for her. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy she's found someone. I expect them to be official pretty soon. She really does deserve someone that will love her and treat her right. Despite her happiness, I am fucking miserable. Why? I guess I did fall for her after all. That was very stupid on my part considering I've done it once in the past. Maybe I stayed close to her because I wanted to hook up or make out or something. Maybe I did it because I wanted to be her friend. At the moment, I'm not really sure. I would still like to be friends with her at some point but I just can't do that right now. I don't want to hear about this new guy all the time. I don't want to know the details. My heart hurts when I hear that stuff. I guess that means I fell for her. Stupid me. I should have listened to myself back in March and just cut contact and moved on. Instead I maintained contact, kissed her repeatedly in July and flirted with her up until a week or so ago. I don't understand. She was definitely flirting with me, right? I don't even know any more. I feel bad for being a friend just to hook up or make out. I know that isn't the right reason to remain friends but it was one reason. Honestly, she is a really awesome girl and if I weren't emotionally involved I would have no problem just being friends. But therein lies the problem.
I'm almost certain I won't be visiting FL this year for Halloween. I hate to say that it's because of her but it probably is. I'd love to visit Chris, but just being there will probably incite memories I'm trying to rid myself of at the moment. She would also insist on hanging out again and I'm not ready for that. I knew that nothing would work out between us. She told me this long ago. Why I didn't drop it, move on and keep it casual; I'll never know. I am pretty stubborn sometimes. But, she was single, so why not? I've learned some important lessons. 1.) Don't get your heart invested in an endeavor that won't go anywhere. 2.) Don't fall in the friend-zone when you know better. I just can't help but feel used for some reason. Maybe it's justified, maybe it isn't. I do know that my heart feels broken. I want to tell her that I have feelings for her but I know that it doesn't matter. Time to pack up and move on. It's difficult, though. I'm going to really miss talking to her all the time. I have begun the no contact thing. I hid her on my news feed and chat. I blacklisted her texts, also. It makes me feel like a jerk but I also feel like this is what I need to do for the time being. I've tried this (many times) before and failed but this time I have no choice. I think this is the first real heartbreak I've had since my last girlfriend. I didn't miss this feeling at all. I hope I can be friends with her again some day. Maybe I shouldn't, though. I really hope my luck improves sometime soon. I'm wearing thin. Time will tell.
I'm almost certain I won't be visiting FL this year for Halloween. I hate to say that it's because of her but it probably is. I'd love to visit Chris, but just being there will probably incite memories I'm trying to rid myself of at the moment. She would also insist on hanging out again and I'm not ready for that. I knew that nothing would work out between us. She told me this long ago. Why I didn't drop it, move on and keep it casual; I'll never know. I am pretty stubborn sometimes. But, she was single, so why not? I've learned some important lessons. 1.) Don't get your heart invested in an endeavor that won't go anywhere. 2.) Don't fall in the friend-zone when you know better. I just can't help but feel used for some reason. Maybe it's justified, maybe it isn't. I do know that my heart feels broken. I want to tell her that I have feelings for her but I know that it doesn't matter. Time to pack up and move on. It's difficult, though. I'm going to really miss talking to her all the time. I have begun the no contact thing. I hid her on my news feed and chat. I blacklisted her texts, also. It makes me feel like a jerk but I also feel like this is what I need to do for the time being. I've tried this (many times) before and failed but this time I have no choice. I think this is the first real heartbreak I've had since my last girlfriend. I didn't miss this feeling at all. I hope I can be friends with her again some day. Maybe I shouldn't, though. I really hope my luck improves sometime soon. I'm wearing thin. Time will tell.