Fear of Teaching
I do not want to be a teacher. I look at the faces of my classmates in ED 3000 and they don't reflect the immobilizing fear that courses like acid through my veins. My flight or fight instinct has taken over and my legs itch from the sensation to flee in stark terror of the teaching profession.
Imagine the first audience to experience Igor Stravinsky's Rite of Spring, trying madly to escape the auditorium as the french horns screech menacingly. In their rush to escape the fear evoking sensation of instruments, panicked audience members step on frightened old ladies. They don't know why they must escape only that they have to do it NOW. Something in their brains scream, "run or perish!"
This is the debilitating fear of which I suffer.
This fear stems from two main worries:
Giving so much of oneself, constantly wearing heart upon sleeve, betrodden and broken by a incessant hateful remarks.
Being responsible for others, not just the students' learning but shaping who the are and will be. Do past teachers of sociopaths, rapists, and killers lose sleep at night for what they "could have done?" Do teachers lament on how they failed their students? One could argue both sides of the nature/nurture coin and still be rubbed raw by shoulda coulda woulda thoughts.
Teachers tell me how rewarding teaching is. I'm skeptical. I would rather spend my days reading, writing, and spending time with family. Long hours at school detract from time spent with people that care about emotional well being. The input of thought in the creation of lesson plans does not match the output of use in class.
So many texts focus on teacher caring, but not a word about student caring. The research shows a lack of reciprocity. Students don't see teachers as people.
The greater the number of emotional attachments, the greater the probability for getting hurt, taken advantage of, and abused.
Overall, teaching is not worth the pain, planning, or aggravation. So, why do it?
Imagine the first audience to experience Igor Stravinsky's Rite of Spring, trying madly to escape the auditorium as the french horns screech menacingly. In their rush to escape the fear evoking sensation of instruments, panicked audience members step on frightened old ladies. They don't know why they must escape only that they have to do it NOW. Something in their brains scream, "run or perish!"
This is the debilitating fear of which I suffer.
This fear stems from two main worries:
Giving so much of oneself, constantly wearing heart upon sleeve, betrodden and broken by a incessant hateful remarks.
Being responsible for others, not just the students' learning but shaping who the are and will be. Do past teachers of sociopaths, rapists, and killers lose sleep at night for what they "could have done?" Do teachers lament on how they failed their students? One could argue both sides of the nature/nurture coin and still be rubbed raw by shoulda coulda woulda thoughts.
Teachers tell me how rewarding teaching is. I'm skeptical. I would rather spend my days reading, writing, and spending time with family. Long hours at school detract from time spent with people that care about emotional well being. The input of thought in the creation of lesson plans does not match the output of use in class.
So many texts focus on teacher caring, but not a word about student caring. The research shows a lack of reciprocity. Students don't see teachers as people.
The greater the number of emotional attachments, the greater the probability for getting hurt, taken advantage of, and abused.
Overall, teaching is not worth the pain, planning, or aggravation. So, why do it?