[rp][locked to Sarah]
After Jeremy went with Sarah to get her things back, after he saw what remained of what she went through, the deaths that she saw, experienced, helped with on hand, Jeremy could not leave her, would not leave her. He asks if she'd prefer going back to her house or to his room at Martha's house. It doesn't matter which one she says, because he is
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The angel is not going to make friends.
The angel is not going to go bowling.
She may feel now like it was all pretending, like it hurts more that she did all of that, that she was pretending all that time.
"I just..." Jeremy pauses a moment as he takes in a deep breath that does nothing to settle the feeling in his chest. "I don't want our friendship to ever hurt you because you feel like it's-- it's not who you are or what- it was pretending to not be the angel instead of just being Sarah. I know I will never understand what it's like to have a Calling, and I'm not... claiming to."
Just he knows there's a difference between the two.
Between Sarah and the Calling part of her, the angel part.
"It is. It's really important, and it would be a lot scarier to die alone... in darkness, when it's cold and painful. You do good," Jeremy says to her with a small smile. "I kind of hate that you... have to do it at all. I know it's not fair to hate it, but I do." He hates that she has to see what she does, how it must change her, how it must hurt her. But she should get to be her too, Sarah too.
He's so used to death at this point even the cold, painful kind doesn't scare him at all.
Maybe that's bad, he doesn't know but he likes thinking of what she does, of how much different that would have felt if they'd had angels of death in his own universe.
Jeremy is looking away from her in turn, and it's a good thing she can't see his face, because it crumples for just that moment where neither of them are looking at each other. His chest feels... it feels a little bit like it's on fire.
He swallows past the feeling in his throat. That question echoes through his head that he asked his sister before Damon made him forget it all, and then he pushes past it. He's older now.
He's older, more grown up, and he doesn't ask the universe these things like he expects that it's something about him that does it. Not right now anyway, he doesn't ask it now.
Like he expects it's something about him that should be changed, that would stop the onslaught.
Jeremy swallows thickly, but he doesn't say anything in response. It's an answer in and of itself, and there's nothing to say. "That's young," he says softly like Vicki didn't die at that young age, like someone dying after they've spent over a hundred years as a vampire makes it any better.
He does not expect her to move after he tells her what he does, but then she does move and he's moving forward on the bed to look after her as she gets back to her feet. Jeremy holds his hand out and nearly shudders. "I--" Jeremy looks up at her. "It's Society. You can tell by this symbol on it, but... Damon. You- Did you meet Damon? He's from my universe. It's... kind of how I got involved in all of this."
And he doesn't really like thinking of her around Damon even if Damon has saved lives, he's done the opposite too and he's really dangerous after he's been hurt.
Jeremy knows Josef's death hurt him from what Elena said.
He looks up from the locket in his hand. "Who gave this to you?"
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She listens to him, and she wants to believe him, but it hasn't felt that way in the past... oh, seventy-two hours? And she just woke up from however long it was she'd spent passed out, which means she's not at her most rational. "Other people would've balked. Thank you for... not making a big deal out of it," she says, when he mentions he saw the angel, the wings and the almost focused not human look that means the Calling is in charge.
"See, that's the thing. I don't want... our friendship to hurt you, either," she says, and she knows that's more likely of the both alternatives. She can't imagine why his friendship would hurt her, when there are so many reasons as to why he could--Sarah shakes her head. "That's--it's never felt like pretending. That... I know that was me, with you."
But she can't ignore that other part of her that feels so much stronger sometimes, that takes away what choice she'd make if she could, since there really isn't. There's the angel, and the angel feels like it could take over whole.
It did take over whole, for three days.
Sarah doesn't say anything at first. The words that come to mind seem a betrayal to the angel, but maybe it's more proof that he's right, that there is more to her, or that she wants it to be more. She brings a knee to her chest and lets herself say quietly, "Sometimes I really hate it, too."
Maybe it's not fair. It's not as if life is all about giving them what's fair.
If it was, Elizabeth wouldn't be dead.
She doesn't see his reaction, no, but the silence feels deafening, and she knows in that moment there's not much else to explain. She quickly cups the side of her face and wipes away at it, doesn't look back at him until the knot inside of her throat is gone.
Sarah bites her lip to keep it from quivering as she nods in agreement.
It's very, very young, but she's helped younger to die. Sixteen-year old, eleven-year old, six-year old. Chicago doesn't discriminate that way, and death always has a date for everyone. "She was the strangest girl I'd ever met," she says, and she knows Jeremy will understand that is of the highest compliment. Because Elizabeth was strangely wonderful and amazing.
"You'd have liked her."
And she thinks Elizabeth would've liked him, too.
She thinks Elizabeth might've been happy to know Sarah had made more friends, that she'd let herself despite being scared to, despite knowing what it means, despite having more to lose by giving herself the chance.
Sarah brings an arm to curve on the back of her neck, expression indescribable for a second there. Damon was scary and unfeeling and he did all those things to those men, who weren't good, but--she would not mind if she never saw him again. "Briefly?" she answers in admission. "Josef asked me to give him something before he..." Well. "I didn't even know him very well, but... Elizabeth was in love with him, and they were his dying words, so... I called him over."
How could she not?
And if she hadn't called him and Sonny over, she would be dead. Those men would've killed her, or upon recognizing her... she's not sure what would've happened. It seems like death would've been the most preferable of the options, and at least now she can hide the secret that she knows.
Sarah had no idea it was a symbol.
It didn't mean anything to her until last night. It was only elegant engraving, almost the shape of a fleur de lis, but not quite. "Symbol? But..." Sarah leans in to take a closer inspection on it, and one can see the dawning in her face as she realizes it, recognizing it also from Josef's locket.
And then she is hesitating, as if by saying it makes it all the more real somehow, but if there's anyone she can trust, she knows it's Jeremy. There's really no one else she'd be able to tell, or wonder with, or try to figure it out.
"My dad," she says, again as a reluctant admission, and his reaction to it tells her all she needs to know. "It belonged to my mom, and before that it belonged to her mom, and... so forth. I was supposed to have it when I turned seventeen as some sort of family tradition."
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Not when she feels like the parts that are Sarah, that that's only pretending.
"Well, I mean there's different ways of hurting, and... I think what you're referring to- I've lost people, but I wouldn't want to not have had them to avoid the hurt," Jeremy says, and he knows what she means before she's even said it in words. It's pretty obvious to him, and he knows-- he gets why. "Okay, I'm glad it's never felt like pretending. I wouldn't want that to. It was you, and it's-- that's how I know that it's not pretending when you do those other things."
The things that aren't related to the angel.
He doesn't think that means she is ignoring that other part of her or pretending like it doesn't exist.
But he knows he doesn't understand it, could never understand it as well as someone else who has experienced it.
Jeremy looks sideways at her, concern hits him quickly. His hand slides down her arm, down the side of her as he keeps her close to him, and he nods. It's reassuring almost to hear those words, because it is proof that there's more to her than the angel but he's-- he hates she has to do something that she hates sometimes.
He hates that.
It's not fair. Nothing really is in life.
He gets that.
People don't get what they deserve. It's not how the world works at all. It's not how any of this works.
And there's silence between them and nothing to say as they both deal with the feelings, twisting up within them. The truth won't change. And Jeremy won't leave.
He listens to what she says about her friend, because he wants to, because she should be able to talk about her, to remember her in more than the way that she died. Jeremy would want that for her, because she was her friend and sometimes when you love someone and you lose them all you can remember is everything that hurt about losing them.
Jeremy wants her to think about the happier things too, because they were there. They were friends. He laughs softly at what she says, and he does know that this is the highest compliment that can be paid to anyone in the world.
"Well, if she really was as strange as you say, I'm sure that I would have liked her a lot," he says with a small but sad smile as he glances sideways at her. "It's too bad I didn't get the chance to meet her."
Elizabeth would have liked him, and she would have loved knowing that Sarah made more friends, has someone looking out for her. It's part of why she had to write to Charlie to ask him to look out for her because she didn't know for sure.
But he wanted someone looking out for her like Sarah would look out for her in the end.
Jeremy nods at her answer, letting out a breath. "Okay, that's... good. He's not really-- He's a vampire," he says finally, not minding if she knows because he trusts her. "Oh. I wonder... what he gave Damon. I think now that Josef's gone, they'll be looking out for those connected to him."
And that means his sister.
At the end of the day. It worries him like something gnawing at his chest, cleaning it out.
Jeremy nods at the question. It's a symbol, one of those Society symbols. Damon and Elena both wanted him to memorize it so he could know what to avoid, what to look out for.
He winces at the admission, looking at the locket and then back up at her face. "You don't... think he's involved with them do you?" And how... how terrible that would be for her if it was true.
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Sarah is quiet as he speaks, lowering her gaze when he says he knows what she means, and she doesn't know if that's better or not. She presses her lips together and fiddles with the locket in her hand. She could try to explain it better, but there's really no explaining or understanding until it's been lived.
And he did see her with the Calling at its strongest, so maybe he does have an idea.
"How... exactly do you think you'd be hurting me?" she asks in genuine confusion. "And even if you ever did, I mean, it's kind of inevitable isn't it? People hurt each other, some when they mean to and most when they don't. It's just a part of ... relating to each other, I think."
She can't be too sure.
It's not as if she's made too many connections in her life to tell, but it's what would make sense to her. When there are feelings involved there is always the risk of being hurt, and that's what's kept her on the sidelines a lot of the time, but she honestly can't fathom him doing anything to her that would make her think being his friend wasn't worth it.
Even now, that she's lost Elizabeth and there's that urge to retreat.
Sarah closes her eyes and looks down once he grabs her arm. There's that urge again to retreat, to back away, to lick her wounds alone, and there's another side pulling her in an entirely different direction, and it wants to hold on.
Her face almost crumples as she leans forward and locks her arms around his neck. It's not a tight hug. She's just sad, and she doesn't know what to do with it, and he's her closest friend in this world, and she hates he's involved in this to begin with. It means more dangers and threats and the possibility something like that could happen to him, too.
And she really does hate it sometimes.
She hates being an angel and she hates living in this city and she hates that no matter how much you fight and how much you do, it's not going to be enough.
She also laughs a little, and the breath catches in her throat as she almost chokes on the sound, but she nods. He would've liked her, and it is a shame that he didn't meet her, that it was--it was all too soon, but the angel knows it was time, and Sarah doesn't know much of anything anymore still, just that they would've liked each other.
"Oh," she says softly at Jeremy's confession. It's not a big reaction, not even surprised, just a small oh. "That... makes sense," is all she says. The speed and the look in his eyes and--she glances over at Jeremy, hazel green eyes dark with concern. "There was another man there with Damon. I don't know if they were working together, but they both seemed to know what was going on, and... there has to be something that can be done."
To keep them from looking to those connected to Josef.
Since that would mean this Damon person, and Jeremy says he's involved because of Damon.
Sarah doesn't answer immediately. There's what she wants to be true and what she thinks is true and what she dreads is true, and not all of them are the same thing. "I hope not?" she answers, almost too quietly. "It'd mean my whole life was a lie."
It's not as if she ever knew that much about her mother.
Her dad's painted a wonderful picture of her, given Sarah plenty of random stories that don't really say much about her at the end of the day. Sarah doesn't know where she was born, she doesn't know who her family was, what her last name was, how she ended up in America, or even how she died. It's nothing her father's ever wanted to talk about because it was too painful, but now she wonders.
She wonders if he hasn't talked about it because he can't.
"Either way, I'm going to find out." She shrugs a little helplessly. "What choice do I have? They killed my friend. I have this locket. And they're apparently a threat to you, too."
It's not something she can just walk away from.
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"Thank you," he says, small smile on his face though there isn't much happiness to be found since he's still concerned about her. Her friend just died, and it still wasn't long ago that they walked through the remains of it together.
He glances at her at the question and looks down. "It's just because you said that it hurt more, that when you... you were being a teenager it wasn't real. It was pretend and that hurt more, and I know that our friendship wasn't pretending, but that's what I was afraid of at first."
Jeremy could tell the Calling part wouldn't consider him a friend, doesn't have friends. He could tell that she only just recognized him, and there was a big difference in who she was before she passed out to who she is right now.
There's a difference in movement, a difference in her She may not only be a teenager. She's more than that, but she is a teenager too and that's what makes it harder. It's what makes it more painful that she has this angel within her too.
He will always think her friendship is worth it, and Jeremy gets it more now. He understands that her friend was eighteen, an angel of death who wanted to die to escape insanity. At 18. That's not far away for her, but he's here. There's nothing that's going to change that.
There's nothing at all that could change that, because he's fiercely protective, fiercely loyal when he's found someone that he cares about.
He cares for her a lot, more than he even anticipated until he'd seen her on the street outside of her house. And then it had hit him like fire, like a hold had been driven through the center of him. The hold hasn't eased, the worry hasn't eased either, and it likely... won't for awhile still.
When she leans forward and locks her arms around his neck, he tightens his hold on her, bringing her closer to him. Jeremy closes his eyes, and her hug might not be very tight but his is. It's tight, and it's saying the hundreds of things that he can't say, feeling the sadness that she so obviously feels and doesn't know what else to do with.
There's nothing that can be done with it but feel it, but she doesn't have to do so alone even if the urge is there. His arms slide around her back, and he keeps her close.
Jeremy knows he would have liked her. If she was strange, if she was Sarah's friend, she must have been pretty awesome, because Sarah is amazing and he really can't imagine what angels of death have to go through, how they ever survive. It would take so much strength to endure, and here she is, Sarah again, hurting and broken but--
But she's still here, still reaching out and that's not easy.
Jeremy glances at her with equal concern because she says oh in a way like she understands, and he's-- god, he's eternally relieved that she wasn't killed too. He knows how Damon gets, he's been on the other side of it. "That... was probably someone from the Crowbar. I guess they were working with Damon and Josef to try to figure all this out," he says softly, and he has to remember to ask Elena if she's ever gone and seen them.
He'd want to go too especially since they're kind of all in this together, not that he wants to trust people he hasn't even met.
He closes his eyes at her answer, and it's a wince, but he keeps an arm around her, because... because what else can he do? What can he say? "I hope not too. It's probably just-" Jeremy shakes his head. "He probably didn't even know what it meant when he gave it to you, family heirloom."
Jeremy has no way of knowing for sure, but he is going to hope it's not either. Because she doesn't need anything else on top of all the rest. It's been rough enough losing her friend in that terrible way without finding out that too.
He shifts on the bed, looking confused at what she said, not-- less confused and more concern. "Wait, what does that mean? You're going to find out?"
Jeremy understands because in her position, he would need to find out too. But... it doesn't mean he's not concerned too, very concerned.
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Strange is cave paintings and northern lights and haley's comets.
The world itself can be her own little wonderland if she looks at it through proper lighting. It's always felt that way but today and for many days that will follow, she will just hate it. She will hate every inch of the world for what it does to those that deserve it least.
"Oh," she says again quietly, and she sees how he would think that, after what she said, and she winces lightly, running a hand over her own arm. "I'm sorry. I sometimes--I don't know. I'm used to being alone, I guess. Which sounds... so emo now that I've said it, but...it feels easier to retreat and harder to care. I do know the only way your friendship could hurt me is if it was suddenly gone."
That is what would hurt most.
Not through death--though that would obviously hurt but it's not something she'd hold him accountable for--but just not being her friend one day.
Once his hold tightens, she lets herself do the same. Sarah doesn't realize she's cried until the shirt at his shoulder feels wet against her cheek. She is reaching out, surprisingly. It's why she can't always hate being an angel. It was the angel that existed throughout most of the worst of the night. It was the angel that took death in, welcomed it and stood fast and steady.
If it'd been only Sarah experiencing this night, she wouldn't have made it.
Even if she'd lived, she'd have been too traumatized to ever come back from something like that. The angel can make her stronger, can let her know this too, shall pass, as horrible as it seems and as much as it hurts right now.
She is more than the angel and without it, she'd be less, too.
If Sonny hadn't locked her in the bathroom, Sarah knows she would've been a goner. "Yeah, I think...he said something like that. Crowbar," she says with a frown, and the narration realizes Sarah didn't answer something in the previous tag that she'll do now. "He gave me a key to give to Damon. It opened a safe box. I don't know what was inside it, but he made it sound vital. That it'd have everything... Damon would need."
For what, she's not entirely sure. It's obvious they are going to try and bring these people done but... how on earth would someone go around that?
The narration feels that Josef might've also been able to find a ring of some sort for Elena that would gaslight the fact she's a doppelganger, but that still needs to be discussed, since he would've left literally things Damon would absolutely need.
She once again doesn't expect him to say anything. There's really nothing to say to something like that, but she doesn't fight the arm around her, only settles back, half-lying against him, since she's still tired. "Yeah, maybe," she says, turning it over in her palm. The sight of it alone makes her feel sick, that something like this could get two people so violently murdered.
What are genuinely the odds of it being a coincidence, her father not knowing?
Sarah glances back down at the locket, fingers sifting through the chain, before she looks back up at him. He's given her the truth and the least she can do is give it back. "I'm... getting to the bottom of this. The locket, why they wanted it, why she had to be murdered, too. The other man, Sonny, he said if I ever needed anything, I could go to him, to the Crowbar. I know they'd help me and they have resources I don't and..."
Her voice trails off, and she swallows thickly, fighting the tightening in her throat once more. "I really have to do this, Jeremy."
For herself, for him too, but more importantly, she needs to do this for Elizabeth.
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He knows it's going to be awhile before she's able to smile sincerely without something weighing it down, but he is so grateful to see that smile.
And he will be right here, right with her while she hates the world and everything about it. Sometimes they need to hate it. It's all a part of grieving, trying to move through that grief and he wouldn't want to take it from her.
"It doesn't really... sound emo. Not everyone y'know connects to people the same or at the same rate, but I'm glad that... I don't know. You're not alone, that I'm your friend," Jeremy says after a moment, and he doesn't know the reasons why she is used to being alone, but he is not going to let her be alone again as long as it's within him to choose. "You're not... going to get rid of me even if you tried. I'm a little stubborn."
Only a little, Jeremy?
He keeps his arms around her while she cries, and she's quiet about it but he can feel his shirt dampening with her tears. It's better than her holding them in when she's in so much pain, when she's so sad, and he doesn't mind at all. It feels good for him to be able to hold on to her, to keep her close.
There's really not a lot that he can do.
In a lot of ways, when he found her, it was so hard to see her that way and harder still that he didn't know what to do, how to help.
But he can kind of see how maybe that part of her that's-- that is so different might take over and allow her to get through those moments that would be too much for any one person to handle. It would have been too much for him in that setting. He would not be nearly so close to himself after witnessing something like that, being right there in the center of it all.
It's still hard to know that she has to as all though he knows it's right for her, that she does good.
He hates-- hates knowing and he does know now where it will lead her in the end. Eighteen. It seems to be ringing in his head, and he'll fight against it without realizing there's nothing to fight. No manner of fighting will or could stop the inevitable, but it's so difficult for Jeremy to accept the inevitable as something that can't be fought against, that there is no escaping at all.
Jeremy looks over at her, nodding. That's good then that they know and that hopefully they will still help, still be partnered up though he thinks Damon is the worst person to really... interact with allies in that sense. Hopefully, he'll do what needs to be done and not be... himself for long enough to get them through this.
"Oh. ...I wonder what it was. I'll have to find out," He says quietly, and he does intend on finding out one way or another. Jeremy's been involved in this, and he doesn't want to be kept out of any step, any part of it, but he doesn't know if they'll be able to find out any time soon with Damon being... Damon-y.
Fff, the narration agrees that Josef definitely could have found something like that, but yes, we can discuss this when we get the chance to.
Jeremy keeps an arm around her, glancing sideways at her at her answer, and he doesn't-- doesn't really believe it himself. It's impossible to believe that it would just be a coincidence, that he wouldn't have any idea what it meant and would hand it off to his daughter without another thought.
However, he's not going to jump to conclusions, not when her family is involved. Family is important.
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He falls silent almost as she responds to him, and Jeremy knew what she'd say and understands as much as he wants to protect her. She's in this already, and it would be hypocritical of him. Jeremy tightens his hold on her shoulders, nodding when her voice grows small like that, when he can practically hear the pain in it.
"Okay. I get it. I'd need... to do the same, and they're supposed to be good people. The Crowbar. Martha Jones trusts them, and I trust her."
Jeremy pauses for a moment before he looks over at her.
"Just... don't keep me out of it, okay? You share with me and I'll share with you. We'll get to the bottom of it."
We'll.
And he knows too that if her father is involved with the Society, there's literally no one that could get them better inside information than she could.
The danger just makes his stomach clench up painfully, makes him feel sick to think about, but he-- he knows both that he can't stop her and that he shouldn't stop her.
She's already involved, one way or another, and it was her friend that died because of it all. She deserves the truth, and her friend deserves it too, to not have died in vain.
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She's never going to be exactly as she was, but time can do a lot of things, not all of them unforgivable. It helps to heal, and not to forget, but to give enough distance between what happened it doesn't taint absolutely every other aspect of her life, not to mention, the narration plans on being a little more nice to her for a bit before the bottom drops once more with all the Society-related drama.
There is definitely a puppy in her future. She isn't even big on pets, but this one will be cute and teleporting and ageless and won't let her give him/her away. She will also immerse herself in painting, as that is always an emotional release of some sort, in a way she can't do with words or other actions. Who knows, she might even need a subject for her art class at school and ask Jeremy to pose for her!
Worry not, Jeremy. It would not be a nude painting.
Sarah gives him another tiny, worn smile at what he says, since she may not have known him for a long time yet but she does feel she knows him enough to echo the narration's sentiments without knowing she is echoing them. "A little stubborn," she says, something almost like amusement in her voice before she nods. "Not everyone does. It's not my forte. Not... a whole lot of things are, but I'm glad... too."
That he's her friend, that she cares even if it's harder, even if it hurts later.
She is also not good at the crying thing, as in she doesn't do it so often, least of all in company. It's something else she was taught. Emotions like that are to be released in the privacy of one's home, preferably in the privacy of one's room, but this isn't her house and it does feel marginally better to let it out instead of always holding it in all the time.
Sarah alone wouldn't have been able to go through what happened last night.
She wouldn't be able to sit here and talk to him and do any of these things in a remotely normal capacity. It would've been too much for most people, but the angel is not 'people.' The angel is not human. The emotions are Sarah's, and not the Calling's. The Calling is about the mission, the lack of choice, there's no fear or pain when it takes over--the downside is there's no love or affection, either.
Some people are able to find a balance and Sarah just hasn't yet.
She'll learn eventually. Those that remain always do.
And Elizabeth, she balanced it so wonderfully. Sarah doesn't judge the very last moments where insanity was taking over. It was before all of that that matters. It's how Sarah will remember her, bright and loving and brave and angel, all in one. She embraced it so completely and never once faltered with it, always welcomed both death and humanity with open arms and lived her life to the fullest.
It was something beautiful to see, even more beautiful to know.
Damon doesn't seem like the kind of person that would do well with allies. He also doesn't seem like the kind to have friends, but appearances are always deceiving, and Josef was a friend, as coincidence would have it. Sarah doesn't know how it works, but then, she doesn't have to. It's not something that involves her, she just hopes--
They also deserve to come out on top, to avenge their friend the way she wants to avenge hers.
"I wonder, too. He made it sound life and death. Well, it was," she says quietly. In his dying moments, he found it within himself to tear himself away from Elizabeth long enough to give her those instructions. Whatever is in the box, whatever the locket is, it was critical enough he had to do, had to leave it in hands he could trust, and it makes her curious about it all, at the same time she'd rather not know.
She'd rather not know about any of it but she knows she needs to.
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And it may turn out to be a lie, and what does she do with that?
Setting the locket aside, she bites down on her lip until he speaks again. Sarah looks up at him when he tightens his hold on her shoulders, thankful he understands but hearing the concern in his voice even if he doesn't voice it out loud. There's relief that he seems to trust these people, since she trusts him, and that's almost the same thing.
Not quite, and she won't trust anyone else from this moment on, but it's something.
The We'll doesn't go unnoticed by her, but she's having the same thoughts. Whether she likes it or not, he's involved too, through other people that are not her, and he'd be investigating with or without her. "Okay. I won't keep you out of it," she says softly, somehow sensing it's important in more ways than one that he be told. "I promise."
She doesn't flinch, and she doesn't move, save for setting her head back on his shoulder, eyes drifting closed fully. She won't sleep for long this time, maybe only a couple of hours before she has to leave, but at the moment, she can't find it in herself to move.
Tomorrow, she will figure everything out. Where to go from here, how to go about it, what they need to find out next.
For now, she just wants to lay here.
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