023th Shattering * Audio
[He doesn't know what he was expecting out of it, contacting Bernkastel despite having decided to not do it again... It was just an attempt to catch her attention again, become another toy for her so Ange would have a breathing. Whatever he expected, though, it won't happen as the filter breaks the moment he tries to put it up
( Read more... )
Don't you understand it? 'Ange' and 'you' are the same thing, the same person, the same soul! Maybe you're the result of a tragedy and that certainly can't be changed, but if 'Ange' is saved so will you be saved, at the very end of it all, you'll be able to rest. 'You' won't be able to have a happy and long live free of tragedy, but you can certainly get it through a saved 'Ange'. If you're so sure you're hopeless, why don't you instead try to give hope to the other, countless, thousands of 'Ange' across the infinite worlds who have yet not lost their family?
Even if 'Ange' has to live on alone without her family, if Bernkastel doesn't interfere she can still be saved, can't she? She can still find happiness if she gets the proper help. Bernkastel may have worked to build this you, but you're just one out of many fragments. She can't have influenced all of them, even if it's just one, don't you want to see a world in which 'Ange' is saved? Don't you want to live through her that salvation?
Reply
[ And at that, her usual pokerface actually shifts a little. To think back on all this is actually a little painful, especially with his words added, and it shows in her expression. ]
Back home, I sacrificed myself for Battler onii-chan, so he was able to fight on, because I thought.. [ her voice trembles just slightly before she manages to get it more firm again. ] I thought that even if there was no way for him to return to me again, he could still fight on and return to another 'me'. Because I couldn't stand the idea of another Ange having to live through all of this, I just wanted her to get the chance to be happy..
[ Maybe part of her wishes she could have been saved too, but.. even if just that little six year old Ange could have gotten her family back, that much would already be enough. ]
But even that is impossible now. [ and this is the part that is actually the hardest on her, more than anything. ] Battler onii-chan.. he chose to never return home again.
Reply
Why did you turn into a monster?!
Even if Ange didn't do something as horrible... She still was misguided.]
Ange...
[Why would her brother choose to never return? Was it really a choice or was it... Acceptance? Rika's parents died on the 'curse' of the third year, Satoshi vanished on the fourth... How many times did Rika try to change that? To save them until she realized that, sometimes... Sometimes this really can't be changed. Did Battler really just give up, or did he realize that there was no way around it? Sacrifices must be made for things to move forward, people have to die and sometimes... There's no other way. Like with Rika's parents, like with Minato and Minako... Because even if those things could be changed, something worse would happen.
But he doesn't know. He doesn't know what happened to her except that she lost her family, he doesn't know what the game was about, what were the wages. He really can't venture a guess of what Battler wanted. He's not even sure he's in a position to speak honestly about it. But he wants to help her, to reach to her.]
I'm sorry, I'm just an idiot so even though there are many things I want to tell you now, I can't. It's not my place to say them, you probably will just think it's none of my business and maybe you'll be right. So I'm sorry, I can't comfort you now. I'll do it later on, but I can't yet.
So, instead of telling you things, let me do it in another way. Move in with Minato, Minako, Loki and me, live with us while you're in Luceti.
[She talks about happiness but it's a happiness that can only happen if her family returns... And that's just not right. There are many ways to be happy, happiness can return even when everyone else has left. Maybe if she moves with them, if she stops being alone all the time, she will learn one day that she can be happy even without her family. That she can still have a new family and there's nothing wrong with it.]
Reply
So she closes her mouth uselessly again, unsure what to say to his words, his offer. No longer being alone, living together with.. ]
I.. I can't.. [ She can't really voice anything quickly other than some instinctual refusal, some part of herself that makes her turn away from gaining anything. Because if you gain something, then you can lose it again at any time - just like she lost her family, her chance for a happy life, everything.. - and that thought makes her feel too vulnerable.
But.. at the same time.. She wants it. If she could only bring herself for once to say yes-- ]
It would.. just be a bother, right? The houses probably aren't meant for so many people, and they all don't know me yet, so having me around would just be annoying for them. [ Making excuses. And it's obvious. ] I wouldn't want to intrude on.. well, your happy life here in Luceti.
Reply
It would be a bother to want to know how you are and having to walk across the village rather than across a hall, to find out. It would be a bother if anything happened to you and we couldn't learn about it until much later, when worrying is useless and sadness is uncalled for.
The house may not be prepared for it but we can move, or modify it. There's an announcement in the library of a guy that offers that kind of job, I'm sure that with how things are in Luceti another room could be added in no time even if no one wants to move to a larger house. I didn't know Minako that well when she arrived, and none of us knew Loki when he moved with her. But that hasn't been a problem. If you don't know someone well, all you have to do is get to know them. And I know they won't say no.
[The major problem would be space and he already has ideas for it. he is willing to even build it with his own hands if he has to. He stands up as he talks, walking closer to her until he stops right in front of her. His next words come out softly and in a low tone, loud enough for her to hear but if the place was filled with people, no one else would heard it.]
You don't want to intrude on my happy life here in Luceti, I can understand and accept that. But you must know, my happy life in Luceti it's not just about the people I live with, or how little problems I have every day. It's about my friends and the people I care about, if they aren't happy, no matter where they are, I don't have such a thing as a happy life. I don't know if living with us will, one day, provide you something close enough to what you could consider happiness. But I know for sure that if you keep living alone in that empty apartment waiting for what may never come, you will never be happy. If it's about being alone and unhappy or being accompanied and have even a minimal chance of something akin to happiness, wouldn't it be better to take that chance?
You don't have to do anything. You don't even have to say it out-loud, not even nod, just... Don't say anything. Say nothing and I'll take care of it all.
Reply
But when he moves closer and starts talking.. her head drops a little as she listens, her look unreadable since her eyes are half-obscured by her red bangs.
Yes, of course she wants to be happy too, she somehow wants to escape her miserable fate, the miserable eighteen years of her life and then all the things added in Luceti only making her more lonely and alienated from people - the disappearance of her older brother after being reunited with him again, Bernkastel tormenting her time and time again. She's been lonely for so long, so why can't she even make herself accept a chance for happiness, can't say yes even when she wants to, can't agree even though it's something so damn simple?
Ange tries to get herself over it. Since even if it seems weak, or pathetic, or much more vulnerable then she would like to show herself.. She wants to depend on the person offering her a chance for happiness. The person who comes the closest to being able to understand her situation.
Even if he tells her to say nothing, she feels she has to. For herself. At the very least that. ]
Keiichi.. hmm. [ An affirmative sound. Her own voice is very soft as well, and much less deadpan than usual - much more open, vulnerable. ] Please.. help me.
Reply
He didn't expect a reply but he smiles when he hears her affirmative sound. And then those words he never thought he would hear in her voice. He can see how open and vulnerable she's right now, she's letting him see that side of her even if he said it was fine if she didn't say anything, if she acted strong and feigned control over it. His arms move, raising up to almost pull her in an embrace, but he hesitates for a second. If this was Rena or anyone from home, if it was Haruhi or Minato or Minako or any other of his other friends, he would hug them without thinking twice. But Ange is different. It feels different, he doesn't want her to think he's taking advantage of her, or for her to reject it even if she doesn't think badly of it. So he doesn't pull her in, instead both of his hands rest on her shoulder, comforting her, offering the embrace but letting her decide on it no matter how much he thinks she needs it.]
Of course, Ange... Beyond my last breath and even if you don't ask for it.
[He will help her, here for now and as he learns more about her, maybe... Maybe he will be able to start to think, to plan, to try to find a way to help her or at least make the tragedy more bearable. Just like with Minato. He may not be able to save him from his fate and he understands it's something that has to be done, a sacrifice to save the whole world so he accepts it proudly... Still he can try to make his years up until then happy, having a loving family until he makes his decision. There may be a way to do the same with Ange, somehow. But for now, just this should be enough. Starting in small steps, that's how miracles are achieved, right?]
Reply
But maybe it's alright, since it's Keiichi, the person closest to being able to understand her. And.. every person wants to be understood during their lives. Even if it's just by one person.
Normally she isn't much of a hug person at all, but.. she's already exposed this side of her to Keiichi, so it's not that bad if she goes further and actually leans forward against Keiichi a little. She doesn't wrap her arms around him - still too hesitating for that - but it's practically telling him to go ahead and hug her. ]
... Don't get ahead of yourself. At least stop before your last breath. [ It's barely more than a whisper with how soft her voice is, but they're pretty close right now either way so it shouldn't matter. ]
Reply
His hands grip her shoulders lightly, pulling her in as he takes a step forward before the abandon her shoulders. Instead his arms sneak around her, wrapping her as completely as they can and pulling her close. There's no strength to it, she can abandon the hug at any moment she wishes to, but that doesn't take away the intensity or the meaning as he tries to transmit her a feeling of comfort and protection. She's strong, she doesn't need a 'babysitter', but everyone needs a friend, a partner that will support them and protect them in those moments they feel vulnerable. He can try to be that if she lets him, and that's what he hopes to transmit with this.]
If that's what you want... I don't plan to taking my last breath in a very long time anyway.
[His reply is just as soft as hers was, a small smile playing on his lips as he leans his head lightly against hers.]
Reply
But after a moment she realises that she's being hugged. By a guy, nonetheless. And even though nobody else should walk into Bernkastel's former apartment, it feels like the whole world is watching her right now, and what wouldn't this look like to them, how embarassing would it be to have someone misunderstand the situation? For a moment her cheeks color up lightly in the embarassing idea, but she is at least able to hide that much by bending her head.
After a few moments the embarassment does make her pull away from the hug though, and directly after she looks a bit hesitant or unsure or maybe even the slightest hint of bashful, as if she doesn't know what to say about this. Finally she finds the words. ]
Thank you. [ It feels pretty hard to say through the strange situation. ] And.. if there's anything I can do for you as well, just.. say so. I owe you now, after all.
Reply
Don't worry about that, Ange. You're already repaying me greatly.
Reply
[ After taking some deep breaths it's already easier to just put on her pokerface again, her tone gradually turning more deadpan. Just try to not think too much of it, but still the idea of how it was a little nice remains somewhere in the back of her mind, so she's in a good mood aside from the slight awkwardness since she isn't really prepared to deal with stuff like this. ]
If you're going to say something like that, people are just going to take advantage of your selflessness. [ it seems more like a joke than actual scolding, though. ]
Reply
[He's smiling, but he's also obviously serious and honest.]
I'll try to not say it out loud to many people then! It should be safe that way, right?
Reply
But yeah, make sure to keep it to yourself unless it's absolutely necessary. I'd get pretty pissed if you got yourself into trouble, after all, especially if it's because of your own carelessness. And you wouldn't want to get me mad at you, right?
Reply
Leave a comment