(no subject)
it's crazy how life changes before your eyes, you think everything is perfect.. but it comes crashing down on you.
No one is going to read this, but I don't care. This is for me. It's been almost 2years sence i last wrote in this..
Kyle broke up with me, and we dated for 1yr & 1/2. which was amazing.. but, i never thought i would lose him, and i couldn't imagine my life w/ out him.. but now, i have to. He's gone, pretty much out of my life. We still talk,which it really kills me inside.. I still love him more then ever. I honestly think he is my soulmate.. and i need him. He's like my air, i can't breath with out air.. and now im dying, because he's not there.
We went threw so much shit together, and i thought we would make it. Sure, he's 16.. i'm 18.. were young but we were in love. we didn't care about anybody else. It was just him & I.
I did lose my virginity to him, it was amazing. and, i still have sex with him. although, he has a girlfriend. I know, im getting used. I just want him to be with him.. it's never going to happen. It makes me want to cry and go all emo thinking about him.
It's a hard decsion, to be his friend or not. It hurts either way. I can't stand not talking to him, but sometimes its hard to be around him or look at his myspace sence he has a girlfriend now.
i just really hope they don't last... and, i think he doesnt' know what he wants. he's confused. i am right her ein front of his face, sure i fucked up big time before.. but, i know i won't ever again.. but his girlfriend lives too far to see all the time. I just hate it!..
I can't even explain how im feeling right now. i want him, i need him, i love him!.. he was the greatest thing that has EVER happend to me.. and im lost with out him. he was my entire world, and now my world is broke into a million peices..
I miss him, i miss us. We were the cutest couple ever.. and i still think we are cute together.........but shit now im just fucking up MY life..
I've been smoking weed alot, getting drunk, and i have done some drugs. I don't see the point in living anymore..
Kyle is an asshole to me, and i remember he'd be mean to everyone BUT me.. and now, he's mean to me. He makes me cry all the time, and i feel like shit! 24/7.. but i still love him more then anything, because when im with him.. everything seems perfect.. intill he leaves, i know that it's not perfect. life is all fucked up.. and it's confusing and no one understand...
I would give anything to be with him again, and start over.
i will love him forever. no matter what.. he will always have my heart!!!!!!!!!!!! and i just want things to go back to normal!..