My heart is beating very hard.
I find that being moody with no explanation is not conducive to friend-making.
I must seem like a different person when I'm in one of those moods. How unfair it is to others not to know which "me" they will get on any given day!
I happened to overhear a co-worker at the video store describing to a newer employee her philosophy in dealing with me. Something along the lines of "You have to remember, it's not about you; it's all about her." and "I just try to give her space." I guess that's accurate. I don't know that it's entirely fair, given that this co-worker knows I'm depressive and has tendencies in that direction herself. I guess it kind of hurt to hear myself described so. It's no good to dwell on it, I know -- it's like the scene from Voyage of the Dawn Treader where Lucy eavesdrops by magic on a similar scene about herself. She asks Aslan whether she will ever be able to forget that scene; of course she will not. We all, at least the insecure ones, will dwell desperately on what others think of us.
I know I do have those moods, where I just hate the world and everyone in it. Or rather, I feel awful inside (for no known or specific reason) and the only way I know how to express it is with my quiet vitriol.
I haven't meditated in weeks. Haven't even gone to the weekly sessions, much less done anything at home.
My heart is beating very hard.
I don't know where I left my sleeping bag, which I had been using as my cushion for meditation. Feel like I've looked everywhere, except at the place where the weekly sessions are. I can't imagine I would have left it there. But yet it seems to be the only place left to check. If it's even still there after 2 weeks.
Room With a View was a cute little movie. Helena Bonham Carter is adorable, and I love a story with a passionate, self-secure leading man. I have been watching a lot of romances recently.
Going to try to meditate now.
I must seem like a different person when I'm in one of those moods. How unfair it is to others not to know which "me" they will get on any given day!
I happened to overhear a co-worker at the video store describing to a newer employee her philosophy in dealing with me. Something along the lines of "You have to remember, it's not about you; it's all about her." and "I just try to give her space." I guess that's accurate. I don't know that it's entirely fair, given that this co-worker knows I'm depressive and has tendencies in that direction herself. I guess it kind of hurt to hear myself described so. It's no good to dwell on it, I know -- it's like the scene from Voyage of the Dawn Treader where Lucy eavesdrops by magic on a similar scene about herself. She asks Aslan whether she will ever be able to forget that scene; of course she will not. We all, at least the insecure ones, will dwell desperately on what others think of us.
I know I do have those moods, where I just hate the world and everyone in it. Or rather, I feel awful inside (for no known or specific reason) and the only way I know how to express it is with my quiet vitriol.
I haven't meditated in weeks. Haven't even gone to the weekly sessions, much less done anything at home.
My heart is beating very hard.
I don't know where I left my sleeping bag, which I had been using as my cushion for meditation. Feel like I've looked everywhere, except at the place where the weekly sessions are. I can't imagine I would have left it there. But yet it seems to be the only place left to check. If it's even still there after 2 weeks.
Room With a View was a cute little movie. Helena Bonham Carter is adorable, and I love a story with a passionate, self-secure leading man. I have been watching a lot of romances recently.
Going to try to meditate now.