Help
I had terrible dreams last night, really disturbing ones, tragic ones that were really just my stress bleeding into my subconscious. Here's why:
I work two jobs, the main full-time one during the week, and the other typically on weekends and Mondays. Occasionally I will have to fill in at my second job during the week, but it's rare enough that I never post special requests to accommodate my full-time job schedule. This week my part-time boss scheduled me for a short shift in the middle of the day today that conflicted with my full-time schedule. I remember when I first saw that I thought, "Shit," but couldn't come up with anything concrete to do about it. I couldn't switch with anyone, since the staff at my second job is so small, and I .... I don't know, I didn't think about asking anyone at my full-time job to switch shifts with me. I don't know why, honestly.
So as the day came closer I got more and more stressed about it and though less and less constructively about it. My dreams bothered me enough this morning that I stayed in bed until I absolutely had to get up and all morning I felt lethargic, sleepy, grumpy and depressed. Finally I resolved to consult my other manager about it.... a hard thing for me to do. And she was totally cool and stayed late so I could go do my lousy 3-hour shift and come back and we chatted a bit before I left and I felt kind of retarded for not going to her sooner.
But I just shut down when that kind of thing happens. And I feel... considerably less functional in general than I was, say, 6 months ago. I don't know if it's because I haven't been to therapy in a few weeks (the snow day threw me off and I keep forgetting to reschedule) or if I just need more drugs.... maybe a combination of the two.
It's a real lesson to me, though, that asking for help isn't as painful as it seems.
I work two jobs, the main full-time one during the week, and the other typically on weekends and Mondays. Occasionally I will have to fill in at my second job during the week, but it's rare enough that I never post special requests to accommodate my full-time job schedule. This week my part-time boss scheduled me for a short shift in the middle of the day today that conflicted with my full-time schedule. I remember when I first saw that I thought, "Shit," but couldn't come up with anything concrete to do about it. I couldn't switch with anyone, since the staff at my second job is so small, and I .... I don't know, I didn't think about asking anyone at my full-time job to switch shifts with me. I don't know why, honestly.
So as the day came closer I got more and more stressed about it and though less and less constructively about it. My dreams bothered me enough this morning that I stayed in bed until I absolutely had to get up and all morning I felt lethargic, sleepy, grumpy and depressed. Finally I resolved to consult my other manager about it.... a hard thing for me to do. And she was totally cool and stayed late so I could go do my lousy 3-hour shift and come back and we chatted a bit before I left and I felt kind of retarded for not going to her sooner.
But I just shut down when that kind of thing happens. And I feel... considerably less functional in general than I was, say, 6 months ago. I don't know if it's because I haven't been to therapy in a few weeks (the snow day threw me off and I keep forgetting to reschedule) or if I just need more drugs.... maybe a combination of the two.
It's a real lesson to me, though, that asking for help isn't as painful as it seems.