No strangers in this town...
so last night I left work and went with a friend to get our christmas trees. Difference #1: Christmas trees out here are expensive because they don't come from your backyard. They come from Oregon. Where apparently, the man selling the trees told me, they have plenty. There's actually an overpopulation. (No, dude. I'm sure you're mistaken.) They had three different kinds of trees. Three. I just want the kind that smells like Christmas is supposed to...got any of those? I find the smallest, cutest, and most adorable tree on the lot and hand him my $25.00 plus tax. The guy put his arm around my shoulders as we both watched my tree get a little taken off the bottom (this is not a tree of size, kids). He pulled me a little too close and said, "Merry Christmas". It was kind of like we were supposed to be sharing some kind of moment but I didn't know him. At all. Please. Don't. Touch. Me.
I tucked my tree into the CRX hatchback, hugged my friend, and went directly to the Liquor Store. I got a bottle of my favorite wine and headed to the cashier. He asked for my ID, I gave it to him, and he scanned the bar-code on the back into his machine. All of my information popped up on the screen...everything but a shitty credit report! I said sarcastically, "I bet the government is glad to know where I get my wine." He just looked at me and then very slowly said, "I had a lady in here the other night who asked me if that showed her address. I just told her, 'Do you really think I give a fuck where you live?'" Now one would think that a man with a glass half full (of what, I have no idea) tattooed on his arm would understand the implications of :
1. The slippery slope we are on when we are tracked like animals by the U.S. Government.
2. Talking to a customer like that.
I'm just thinking outloud here.
Anyway, I went to the grocery store after that and got some steaks for dinner...mmmmm, tasty. Except here's the deal. The grocery store right by my house is called Safeway. We don't have these on the East coast. So I pull into the lot at the Safeway (which I like to refer to as the Not-So-Safeway) and there is a family with three carts full of food, 45 kids and two very haggard parents. Jesus Gay...I can't imagine the holidays at their house. I walk into the store and I am immediately aware of something. I can't put my finger on it but I'm aware that it's there. And as I'm trying to choose my steaks I realize what it is. I'm about to lose my shit. I mean seriously loose my shit. The Fucking Christmas Music is on so loud that I can't even think. I don't even know if I have a $1.62 to pay for my steak. I realize that if I don't leave soon, I might start throwing the frozen turkeys around. I. Just. Need. Greenbeans. I just about army crawl over to the veggie section and throw some old-ass greenbeans into a bag and make a start for the cashier at a full-out run. The best thing about the Safeway is that they always have it well staffed. And by well staffed I mean there are usually 2 people working in the entire store. None of them are cashiers. So I waited in line while Feliz Navidad seeped into my grey matter and did a little Flamenco on my Temporal lobe.
I get home and carry all of this shit upstairs and then went back out. I forgot smokes. I thought I would walk to the 7-11. It's a block away. I get my smokes, give my change to Darrin (he hangs outside the 7-11. I go there a lot). I walk home without incident and we make dinner. Ahhh, meat. Then, then....then we put up the tree. It's so little that we could have put it in a vase but we didn't. We have a genuinely respectable tree-stand and a genuinely respectable tree. Mr. Mackey did the honors of hanging our first Christmas ornament...a beautiful piece of work. It's a Michael Bolton Ornament. It's so beautiful and romantic. When he comes home tonight, I'll make him show me how to post some pics. Our tree is a mixture of very sweet and very, very horrifying. I'll show you later. It was a great way to end a long day. Liri the cat has officially claimed the tree and is hunkered down underneath it. She is waiting for squirrels. They will come, damn it. She likes having a tree. It's her first tree. She thinks it's a good idea. She thinks we are dumb because we didn't think to do this sooner.
Anyway...today is going to be a productive day. I've got chocolates to make, sheets to change, and groceries to get. I might not be able to handle going back to the Safeway. I might need to bring my own music. Holy Fuck. I'll post some pics later tonight. Ya'll can see my sweet pad and my tree. It's more like a bush...a Christmas Shrubbery.
To all of you Eastcoasters....I'm thinking of you and missing you. Many many many holiday hugs to you from me. I hope Santa brings you good treats and that your people are all healthy and happy. Much love.
I tucked my tree into the CRX hatchback, hugged my friend, and went directly to the Liquor Store. I got a bottle of my favorite wine and headed to the cashier. He asked for my ID, I gave it to him, and he scanned the bar-code on the back into his machine. All of my information popped up on the screen...everything but a shitty credit report! I said sarcastically, "I bet the government is glad to know where I get my wine." He just looked at me and then very slowly said, "I had a lady in here the other night who asked me if that showed her address. I just told her, 'Do you really think I give a fuck where you live?'" Now one would think that a man with a glass half full (of what, I have no idea) tattooed on his arm would understand the implications of :
1. The slippery slope we are on when we are tracked like animals by the U.S. Government.
2. Talking to a customer like that.
I'm just thinking outloud here.
Anyway, I went to the grocery store after that and got some steaks for dinner...mmmmm, tasty. Except here's the deal. The grocery store right by my house is called Safeway. We don't have these on the East coast. So I pull into the lot at the Safeway (which I like to refer to as the Not-So-Safeway) and there is a family with three carts full of food, 45 kids and two very haggard parents. Jesus Gay...I can't imagine the holidays at their house. I walk into the store and I am immediately aware of something. I can't put my finger on it but I'm aware that it's there. And as I'm trying to choose my steaks I realize what it is. I'm about to lose my shit. I mean seriously loose my shit. The Fucking Christmas Music is on so loud that I can't even think. I don't even know if I have a $1.62 to pay for my steak. I realize that if I don't leave soon, I might start throwing the frozen turkeys around. I. Just. Need. Greenbeans. I just about army crawl over to the veggie section and throw some old-ass greenbeans into a bag and make a start for the cashier at a full-out run. The best thing about the Safeway is that they always have it well staffed. And by well staffed I mean there are usually 2 people working in the entire store. None of them are cashiers. So I waited in line while Feliz Navidad seeped into my grey matter and did a little Flamenco on my Temporal lobe.
I get home and carry all of this shit upstairs and then went back out. I forgot smokes. I thought I would walk to the 7-11. It's a block away. I get my smokes, give my change to Darrin (he hangs outside the 7-11. I go there a lot). I walk home without incident and we make dinner. Ahhh, meat. Then, then....then we put up the tree. It's so little that we could have put it in a vase but we didn't. We have a genuinely respectable tree-stand and a genuinely respectable tree. Mr. Mackey did the honors of hanging our first Christmas ornament...a beautiful piece of work. It's a Michael Bolton Ornament. It's so beautiful and romantic. When he comes home tonight, I'll make him show me how to post some pics. Our tree is a mixture of very sweet and very, very horrifying. I'll show you later. It was a great way to end a long day. Liri the cat has officially claimed the tree and is hunkered down underneath it. She is waiting for squirrels. They will come, damn it. She likes having a tree. It's her first tree. She thinks it's a good idea. She thinks we are dumb because we didn't think to do this sooner.
Anyway...today is going to be a productive day. I've got chocolates to make, sheets to change, and groceries to get. I might not be able to handle going back to the Safeway. I might need to bring my own music. Holy Fuck. I'll post some pics later tonight. Ya'll can see my sweet pad and my tree. It's more like a bush...a Christmas Shrubbery.
To all of you Eastcoasters....I'm thinking of you and missing you. Many many many holiday hugs to you from me. I hope Santa brings you good treats and that your people are all healthy and happy. Much love.