[Log] I Believe You
Who: E'sere, Vanya
When: Day 9, Month 7, Turn 2, 7th Pass
Where: Vanya's Room, High Reaches Weyr
What: E'sere comes to see Vanya late one night.
Vanya's Room
There isn't much a person can do to disguise the fact this room is little more than a cave. The walls are stone, smoothed by hand or by some long-forgotten or long-gone machine used by those who first built the weyr. The door is solid wood, sturdy, the fixtures utilitarian. The basic furniture is all there -- bed, table, two chairs, wall shelves and a wooden storage chest. Simple. As is the occupant, since there is little in the way of fancy knickknacks or personal possessions. The bed has plain sheets, two down-filled pillows, and a warm, woven blanket in dark green. The chest holds clothes, and more blankets as a bastion against the cold, High Reaches winter. A glow basket hangs from the wall over the bed, another sits on the table, glows replenished whenever needed by those unseen people who perform this task.
On a shelf above the table are a bottle of ink, writing instruments, sand and some already prepared hides. Very rare and precious paper documents are carefully arranged on another shelf, held down by a polished stone collected from some place. Yet another shelf holds vials and bottles of lotions, astringents, and other containers of herbs and oils. The only luxurious thing here, if it can be called that, is a hand-made rug that lies beside the bed on top of a thick layer of reeds. Stone floors are notoriously cold on bare feet. A black cloak hangs on a peg by the door, as does a gittern, the instrument carefully wrapped in a protective bag. A basket, leather satchel and two pairs of boots sit on the floor beneath.
It's dark in the halls and in Vanya's room. All the glow baskets are closed, save for one that's located on the far side of the room. Even it is weak, needing replenishing soon, but it serves as enough illumination for anyone entering, anyone who has a key to her door, by some chance, to see their way through the near dark. As for the healer herself, she's in bed, apparently asleep. On her side, on hand tucked childishly under chin, looking small, almost fragile in her slumber. The other arm is snuggled around one of her two pillows, as if she's cradling a lover to herself. Her arm is bare, the sleeveless shift bunched up around her knees, legs bare. The covers tangled around her midsection, and her hair, well, it's wrapped around her arm, looking like a black tunnelsnake creeping up on her.
It's very late indeed when E'sere ventures down the halls of the Weyr, purposeful--no sneaking, slipping-through-shadows motions for him. The one or two people who happen to see him don't question, don't even really think twice about where he might be going at this hour of the night. Finally, arriving on Vanya's empty hallway, he lets himself in, shutting the door back behind him with a soft snick. He's as quiet as he can be to avoid waking Vanya as he slips off his shoes, his shirt, his pants, and then moves to slide in under the covers at her back.
There's a thing about healers. They sleep deeply, but when wakened, they're alert, ready for whatever needs to be done. But this time there's something familiar and safe about this awakening. She does give a soft gasp at the feel of someone warm behind her, and her eyes open fully, cognizance coming almost immediately after that. "E'sere...?" It's a whisper, though why, is anyone's guess. First of all, it's very doubtful there's anyone lurking around her door, and secondly, extremely doubtful they could hear through the thick weyr walls. Still, it's the dead of night, and whispering seems to be apropos.
E'sere, sliding an arm lightly over Vanya's waist, quirks a smile as he leans up against her. "Hi," he murmurs in return. "I didn't mean to wake you up."
But it's such a nice way to be awakened! "It's all right," Vanya replies, snuggling back against his body, finding the warmth, and relishing it. She pulls that arm tightly around her, her own hand holding it in place. "I didn't think I'd be seeing you so soon," she murmurs. "And, I have late shift tomorrow, so it's fine. I can sleep in. I'm not due to see T'zen until early afternoon." She takes a long, slow breath, exhaling contentedly. "I've missed you..."
"I'll have to leave," E'sere notes, mouth sliding into a frown as he leans his forehead against her, "before morning, if I want to slip away unnoticed." He falls silent a moment, then presses a kiss to the back of her neck. "But I can stay a while. Tomorrow is my off day, so I'll have time to catch up on my sleep s'more. I... missed you, too. You had a good day?" He keeps his voice lowered still.
Vanya takes another breath, once more exhaling slowly. "About average, really. Usual work in the infirmary, plus my work with T'zen. Reports, then some study, dinner and bed. Rather boring, actually," she tells him. "Neiran was there with T'zen, and if all goes well, he'll be back on Uneth by end of the month. Light duty after that, then full duty again." She is quiet a moment. "I made a suggestion to him, but I think he'd like to bring it up to you himself. He needs something to occupy his mind, E'sere. I thought maybe you could kind of toss some reports his way, just stuff he can do. But, please don't let on I mentioned it?"
"I'm glad to hear that," E'sere tells Vanya. "I'm ready to have him back again. All of us are in 2C. And, hmm." Thoughtful, he pauses. "I'll look into that. Usually I have my wingsecond help me out, but I might be able to split his load with T'zen, if you think it'll help him to have something to do. I won't say it was your idea, though," he reassures her.
"I do. You should have seen the way he perked up when I brought it up," Vanya answers, a shiver running down her body at the kiss on her neck. "He seemed very interested, and I know it's hard for him to just lie there, or sit there. He's used to being active, so ... if we can keep his mind occupied, maybe he won't brood over not doing his duty," she explains. "And thank you. He was in good spirits today, though I'm still hated." She chuckles, hugging his arm to herself. "Neiran was pleased with my care of him, and complimented me." There's pride in her voice now. "And, Aida was there, too. She was in good spirits, as well. Apparently we're not the only ones who enjoy escaping the weyr now and then. She and Neiran had been out riding."
"Good for you," E'sere murmurs. "I'm glad the journeyman can recognize good work when he sees it. And, hmm. Aida. I know her, vaguely. We've spoken a couple of times, at any rate. From... what I gather, she hasn't had it easy lately, so I'm glad to hear she's been out enjoying herself."
"She mentioned death threats and being kidnapped, so Br'ce would be forced to step down," Vanya says, and this time there's a sigh. "I've never been in a place that's so fraught with unrest and ... other things. I asked her why anyone would do such a thing, and she said it was a power struggle. It's just a shame innocent people have to be hurt. I admit I didn't really take your concern for me all that seriously, E'sere. I'm sorry I doubted you. I won't doubt you again." That's said in a definite promise type of tone. "She told me a bit about what's got people here all upset. About Yevide and J'cor and Ganathon." A pause. "I think his room is close to mine."
E'sere frowns, turning his head to stare up at the ceiling. "Thank you," he tells Vanya after a moment. "I... I do worry a lot, I know, but--these days, not without cause. The Wingleader Br'ce... He's a good man, and he's done a lot of good for 3C. If someone, though, could do that to the woman /he/ loved..." He trails off, shakes his head slightly. Then, he pauses a moment, lips pursing again. "Ganathon. Yes, it is. It's just a little ways on down this hall," he confirms.
Vanya nods. "She was telling me how this wasn't /between/ people, but /for/ the Weyr. How High Reaches was having a rough time, and G'thon brought Yevide in." She pauses dredging up the conversation almost verbatim. "Then Ulyath rose immediately, and J'cor --" There's an actual sound of distaste in her tone when that name is mentioned, "from Igen, how Karth caught her. I assume from what you and she's said that most people here weren't happy about outsiders coming in and taking over." Vanya sighs. "Aida said some of them got violent, but she doesn't know who yet." Another pause. "Aida sounded like she was making this personal, and I guess if I'd been kidnapped and threatened, I'd take it personal, too. But she seems the type who might try to do something about it."
"Ganathon brought Yevide in because he was f...sleeping with her," E'sere picks a more polite word, grimacing. "And because he thought he could control her in a way he could never control my mother, or Diya, or even Sinopa. Even Yevide realized that eventually: that's why she kicked him out of her weyr, down here to the lower caverns. He... He lost his Hirth, and he's not been the same since. He can't--he can't let go of what he lost." He frowns and looks up to the ceiling again, eyes closing sadly. "I... He was my mentor once, long ago. But now--" He doesn't finish. Only: "I hope she doesn't. I don't want anyone else to get hurt in this."
Vanya's quiet. "I don't think anyone but Br'ce could stop her," she says softly, turning in his arms, facing him. "If she's that determined..." Vanya's hand comes up to caress E'sere's cheek. "... then he's the only one who'll be able to talk her out of it. I get the impression she loves him a great deal. I know if I loved someone that much, I'd fight tooth and nail for them, too." Her eyes close as she sighs. "But, you'll make it better when you're Weyrleader, E'sere. You have the knowledge and the fortitude to make things right. Maybe I'm being foolish to keep saying that, but I know you have the weyr's best interests at heart. You'll find a way to make all the bad, all the hurt, end."
E'sere opens his eyes again when Vanya turns, tilting his head back to face her, to turn a small, lopsided smile on her. "I guess so," he agrees on the former subject. "I'll try to keep a watch out, anyway, and if it seems like things might be going badly, perhaps I can speak to Br'ce--though, we're not on good terms at present." His mouth twists into an unhappier expression, eyes briefly distant at memory of the disagreements in the 'Fall over Sattle Hold. But, quickly, he blinks and offers another half-smile. "I hope so," he affirms her. "I hope so, that it's not too late by then."
"There are so many people here I've never met," Vanya muses, obviously in regards to Ganathon. "Losing your dragon, well, yes, that would change a man. And, he's what ... in his 60s now? Perhaps he's just lost somewhere in the past," she suggests. "Anyway, I'll be out there cheering you on, E'sere, cheering Morelenth on. I wish I could do more, but just know my hopes and wishes are with you that day." Another caress of his face and a soft kiss to his lips. "And, I doubt I'm the only one who feels that way."
"Sixty-seven," E'sere notes with a wry smile. "We share a turnday. That first night, when we met--that's where I went afterwards: to see him. I... Even after everything, I still feel--obligated to speak to him, to visit him. I can't get away." Pause. "Did you know he tried to send me to Igen? That's where I was when Ulyath rose: learning he'd sold me for her, from Igen's Weyrleader."
Vanya's brow creases, and she looks decidedly disturbed by this piece of the puzzle. "No, there's so much I don't know about High Reaches," she confesses, rubbing his leg with one of her feet, her hand now slipping to his neck and shoulder. "Why would he ... ah -- so Morelenth couldn't catch Ulyath." She begins to understand. "Because if you won, he couldn't pull the strings and still keep some of his old power in the weyr." It's not a question, it's a statement. "He wasn't certain he could control you." Another statement. "And he could control, at least to a certain extent, J'cor." Again the distaste in her tone. "I'm probably being unfair, but I cannot think the Weyrleader handled the entire investigation properly. If he'd stopped for one moment and used his --" She stops. "No, that isn't being fair to him, his dragon is seriously injured. But, still, failing to protect the evidence of a murder, the murder of his own Weyrwoman! -- that was wrong, E'sere. And you could be in trouble for his failure. I won't let that happen. I can't."
"I don't think he counted on J'cor, actually," E'sere admits, even quieter than before. "But he intended for me to go to Igen all along. He knew I'd protest the transfer of Yevide, and he wanted me out of the way--after being Mother's Weyrleader, after being almost like my father, he tried to send me away from my home." E'sere's lips purse hurtly, and he glances away. "I... I'm sure he was upset, afterward," he half-defends J'cor, though there's no conviction behind his words. "And... it'll be okay. I'll manage. They all know I didn't have anything to do with this."
"I know you didn't either, never doubt that," Vanya tells him earnestly. "You care too much for this weyr to set it into such turmoil, further turmoil, I should say. You may have wanted the Igenites gone, but I can't see you killing to achieve that. Not a Weyrwoman, not a queen." She shakes her head. "You're not perfect. No one is, but you're not a killer, E'sere. Not when it would be so much easier to just bridge the gap and fix things in that manner. You attended the Caucus, you understand politics and diplomacy." She shakes her head again. "I wouldn't be with you now if I thought you were guilty of murder. Disliking someone, wanting them gone from your home -- yes, I can see that. Killing them? No. That's not the man I've come to know and care about."
A soft smile curves E'sere's lips as Vanya reassures him. "Thank you," he tells her again, lowly. "I'm... It means a lot to me, that you'd think that. There's... there's a lot that don't. There's a lot that say I'm responsible for everything that's happened, even before Yevide's murder. You... you didn't even know me then, but you believe me. Thank you."
Vanya regards E'sere for a long moment, the seconds going by in silence. "E'sere, you're human, and all human beings make mistakes. We all have moments where we wish things ill of others, or say things we don't mean that are taken seriously. Sometimes those who want to find fault in others, not themselves, look for a convenient target. I think that's what's happened here. That because you stood up and did what you thought was right about Nabol, those people who /didn't/ are looking to assuage their guilty consciences by tearing you down. You had the intestinal fortitude to do your duty, to not let petty or personal feelings stop that." She smiles, smoothing his brow now, letting fingers trail down his temple. "I told you that the other day. Is it really so difficult to think I'd believe you? Please don't judge me by what others think, do or say. I make up my own mind about people." A pause. "I believe you, E'sere."
E'sere's answer is another smile, relief apparent in his expression, as he tilts his head forward to kiss her again.
And his kiss is returned with all of her belief in him. His name is whispered almost like a lullabye, soft, soothing. And when the kiss ends, "You're so good to me," she whispers. "I feel like I give you so little in return."
"You give me enough," E'sere murmurs in reply, leaning back just enough to look at her, regarding her.
"Do I? It doesn't seem like it," Vanya replies. "I bring all my concerns to you, I talk your ear off about missing medical supplies, and T'zen's recovery, and how I'd like to minimize risks for all you riders. You've always listened, advised, taught me to dance, let me enjoy life." A beat. "You've taken me as a lover and taught me things I never thought I'd learn. And all I give you in return is ... complications."
"You're not the only one, Vanya," E'sere returns, offering up that crooked smile again, wry, "who's got to talk. Share things. Complications... Some things--some things are worth the complications they bring."
Vanya is vain enough to ask, "Am I worth it, E'sere?" Her voice is very soft now. "All the rumors and gossip, having my name linked with yours. You told me you're a private man, and I respect that. No one know we're lovers, not in truth. They may speculate all they wish, and are, but I haven't told anyone. I won't." She pauses. "I don't know I could lie about it, if asked directly, but I would avoid telling the truth if that's what you want." A pause. "I /want/ to be worth it."
There are two ways to answer that question, but E'sere is silent, simply looking at Vanya, expression unreadable. Finally, he asks simply: "What are we doing here, Vanya?"
"Talking...?" is Vanya's questioning reply. "Trying to make sense of situations that don't have any logic to them?" She shakes her head. "Making suee neither of us have to face things alone?" Perhaps a better answer. "Letting another person get closer than at least one of us has ever let someone get before?" She shrugs. "All of the above, take your pick. I know why I'm here, and I know that I'm glad you're here with me."
E'sere, lips pursing, cuts his eyes downward and then upward again, nodding twice. "All right," he agrees with her answers, leaning closer, moving to touch his lips to hers again, lightly.
As he moves closer, Vanya slips her arms around him, drawing him closer, cradling him against her. Holding him. "Keeping the fear at bay, in some part," she tells him. "I'm a healer, and we're taught to observe, to find disease, to cure it if we can. To ease the pain, to bring relief to those who need it. To nurture, to ... to care." Lips pressed to the top of his head, now. "If I can give that ease to you for a few minutes, then I will, gladly. I'd wash away all the insults, all the wrongs done to you by those you trusted. Talk to me, E'sere, and I'll listen, and I'll believe you."
That reassurance, it seems, is all E'sere needs this particular night, for he offers no more words, only lies there, eyes slipping shut as he lets her hold him close to her.