(no subject)

[brax]

so i thought i was over this a looooooong time ago... but i've realized that there will always be one person in my life that i would be willing to leave whoever i'm dating to be with. perhaps i'm a victim of infatuation. maybe i'm not the only one. but i will always have that thought in my head. i guess when i was younger i would have definitely pegged it as a crush and grown out of it. but after a few years now, i think my feelings for her a genuine.

i've definitely fallen for people over the years, and i don't think i could really understand the way i feel without having been with amy. but now i know the way i feel is the way i should have felt for amy the whole time but only did over the fading months after our breakup. and it sucks that it seems like i will never be with her. perhaps the worst part is that i will put the feelings away, and start to move on, and then i will see her again and it starts all over again. maybe i just need to grow up. i've been a kid for way too long. i wonder if she'll read this and know i'm talking about her... maybe she still checks this from time to time. but it's been a few years, i don't think it's likely.

well, whatever. just pondering. i'm kinda high on bathroom cleaner right now. been productive this evening. yes, i am at home on a friday night, drinking alone, and cleaning my apartment.

wherever you are now you can't even imagine what the bottom will be like.