(no subject)
So... an actual update.
History for those that haven't talked to me in awhile:
Since my last real update, I have stopped working at Sears. Worked there for about 18 months, started in electronics, moved to appliances for the last month, and then got a decent offer from electronic express. Been relatively happy working there. People are more like me, mostly all my age (although strangely, I'm still one of the youngest that works there). And the drive is oh so nice. I guess really I just needed something completely new to take my mind off things. Which brings me to the other important thing in my life that has changed... I'm no longer with Amy. Haven't officially been for a long time I suppose. I certainly haven't been important to her for the last 8 months or so. But important enough for her to toy around with until about a month ago. We aren't speaking anymore... it's finally over. I still think about her a lot. I guess I just wasn't ready to give up. But it's over, and there's not really any going back. I suppose what bothers me most about it is that I am stuck thinking about her all the time... yet she makes up little photo slideshows and everyone she's dated and all her friends from the last 4 years are on them except me. I guess I don't rate. Sad.
I've tried to do school again, but failed miserably this semester. In the fall I am going to attempt to go full time, without working full time. And I will be on adderall. So hopefully, things will get better. If I can manage to put in two decent semesters, I can graduate in the spring of 07. Which would be 7 years since I started school. All the jokes about the 7 year college plan would be strangely hilarious then :). But I have taken two full semesters off, and only gone part time for a few of the semesters. So I don't really feel that bad. It's only been recent that I've made NO progress in school. I think I can change that around if I just swallow my pride and get back on adderall again. Sucks that my life and well being is totally dependent on a damn pill.
Recently, post Amy, I've started dating again. Went out with a girl for a few weeks this past month, and while she was a great girl, I freaked out after a few weeks and broke it off. Which is to say, left her hanging and didn't really give her the courtesy of a breakup. I feel shitty about it, and I suppose I will probably talk to her about it soon, and have given her an apology and a warning that soon I will actually explain to her what happen. I don't know what to say though.
I'm kinda hung up on someone else right now... but I don't think it's ever going to go anywhere, so I don't know what to say. I guess I've been waiting for a few months now without any real sign of hope. Seems like she starts to get into me then freaks out and disappears for awhile. Ah well, if only I could learn to take my own advice and avoid younger girls. Actually, I suppose it's not even younger women that are the problem. All women are fickle, and evil. It's part of the training from birth that they all receive.
I miss things lately. I miss Brian. I miss all my friends from back home, besides Rich obviously since I live with him. I miss the dorm crowd, mainly rockstarscott. I miss Amy, although at this point I think (hope?) what I miss about her is just having someone to hold and talk to in bed. I hope a few months of missing her and I'd be over it, heh. I just miss some of the close friends I've had over the last decade and the life I used to have where I was so much more troublefree and my only real worry was when I was going to find true love. And then I found it, and now I don't know how to move on from it. I would give anything to go back to freshman year and slap myself around and tell myself to sleep with heather and just destroy my hopes and dreams right then :)
Ok, guess that's enough of an update for now. More regular ones from now on.
History for those that haven't talked to me in awhile:
Since my last real update, I have stopped working at Sears. Worked there for about 18 months, started in electronics, moved to appliances for the last month, and then got a decent offer from electronic express. Been relatively happy working there. People are more like me, mostly all my age (although strangely, I'm still one of the youngest that works there). And the drive is oh so nice. I guess really I just needed something completely new to take my mind off things. Which brings me to the other important thing in my life that has changed... I'm no longer with Amy. Haven't officially been for a long time I suppose. I certainly haven't been important to her for the last 8 months or so. But important enough for her to toy around with until about a month ago. We aren't speaking anymore... it's finally over. I still think about her a lot. I guess I just wasn't ready to give up. But it's over, and there's not really any going back. I suppose what bothers me most about it is that I am stuck thinking about her all the time... yet she makes up little photo slideshows and everyone she's dated and all her friends from the last 4 years are on them except me. I guess I don't rate. Sad.
I've tried to do school again, but failed miserably this semester. In the fall I am going to attempt to go full time, without working full time. And I will be on adderall. So hopefully, things will get better. If I can manage to put in two decent semesters, I can graduate in the spring of 07. Which would be 7 years since I started school. All the jokes about the 7 year college plan would be strangely hilarious then :). But I have taken two full semesters off, and only gone part time for a few of the semesters. So I don't really feel that bad. It's only been recent that I've made NO progress in school. I think I can change that around if I just swallow my pride and get back on adderall again. Sucks that my life and well being is totally dependent on a damn pill.
Recently, post Amy, I've started dating again. Went out with a girl for a few weeks this past month, and while she was a great girl, I freaked out after a few weeks and broke it off. Which is to say, left her hanging and didn't really give her the courtesy of a breakup. I feel shitty about it, and I suppose I will probably talk to her about it soon, and have given her an apology and a warning that soon I will actually explain to her what happen. I don't know what to say though.
I'm kinda hung up on someone else right now... but I don't think it's ever going to go anywhere, so I don't know what to say. I guess I've been waiting for a few months now without any real sign of hope. Seems like she starts to get into me then freaks out and disappears for awhile. Ah well, if only I could learn to take my own advice and avoid younger girls. Actually, I suppose it's not even younger women that are the problem. All women are fickle, and evil. It's part of the training from birth that they all receive.
I miss things lately. I miss Brian. I miss all my friends from back home, besides Rich obviously since I live with him. I miss the dorm crowd, mainly rockstarscott. I miss Amy, although at this point I think (hope?) what I miss about her is just having someone to hold and talk to in bed. I hope a few months of missing her and I'd be over it, heh. I just miss some of the close friends I've had over the last decade and the life I used to have where I was so much more troublefree and my only real worry was when I was going to find true love. And then I found it, and now I don't know how to move on from it. I would give anything to go back to freshman year and slap myself around and tell myself to sleep with heather and just destroy my hopes and dreams right then :)
Ok, guess that's enough of an update for now. More regular ones from now on.