Oh, to be a policeman.
Every once in a while, we get police reports at the paper that are just too awesome not to share. Like this one:
'7:42pm, June 15th, 700 block of South Tamiami Trail: Corruption by Threat of a Public Servant. Man goes into neighbor’s house and repeatedly asks to use phone. Neighbor allows him to use it, but then asks man to leave. Man gets angry and breaks two of the neighbor’s windows. Man tells neighbor he’s going to come through the door and kill him. Neighbor calls police. Officer arrests the man, who is intoxicated. On the way to the station, man tells officer that he is going to HEAD BUTT HIM, and that when he sees him on the outside, “IT’S GOING TO BE LIKE DONKEY KONG.” '
!!!!!!!!!!!! Like Donkey Kong!? Would that mean that the window-breaking drunk man is going to throw big barrels at the police officer to prevent him from rescuing an ape???
Or this one (which I am sorry to say I don’t have in front of me, so I’ll have to paraphrase):
Longboat Key: Breaking and Entering with Vandalism. Unknown man breaks into elderly woman’s house on the Sarasota side of Longboat Key, when woman is not at home. She returns home to find her home in disarray, with furniture and other items destroyed. On her walls, the person has spray-painted various vulgarities throughout the house, INCLUDING SEVERAL OBSCENITIES INVOLVING WAFFLES. Nothing appears to be stolen.
I would give my right pinkie to know exactly WHAT obscenities involving waffles were written all over that rich old woman’s walls.
'7:42pm, June 15th, 700 block of South Tamiami Trail: Corruption by Threat of a Public Servant. Man goes into neighbor’s house and repeatedly asks to use phone. Neighbor allows him to use it, but then asks man to leave. Man gets angry and breaks two of the neighbor’s windows. Man tells neighbor he’s going to come through the door and kill him. Neighbor calls police. Officer arrests the man, who is intoxicated. On the way to the station, man tells officer that he is going to HEAD BUTT HIM, and that when he sees him on the outside, “IT’S GOING TO BE LIKE DONKEY KONG.” '
!!!!!!!!!!!! Like Donkey Kong!? Would that mean that the window-breaking drunk man is going to throw big barrels at the police officer to prevent him from rescuing an ape???
Or this one (which I am sorry to say I don’t have in front of me, so I’ll have to paraphrase):
Longboat Key: Breaking and Entering with Vandalism. Unknown man breaks into elderly woman’s house on the Sarasota side of Longboat Key, when woman is not at home. She returns home to find her home in disarray, with furniture and other items destroyed. On her walls, the person has spray-painted various vulgarities throughout the house, INCLUDING SEVERAL OBSCENITIES INVOLVING WAFFLES. Nothing appears to be stolen.
I would give my right pinkie to know exactly WHAT obscenities involving waffles were written all over that rich old woman’s walls.