im going to miss his hugs

[brassfish]

 i dont understand how after a death, life can just go on being completely unchanged. that never really made much sense to me.
i just found out an hour ago that my uncle fred passed away. it wasnt so much of a shock, as was my mami trina and my grandpas deaths were. 
we knew he had cancer, and we knew that he had a few more days to live.
but just because there wasnt a shock, doesnt mean that that helps numbs the pain.

he was a good man. a wonderful uncle that i never had enough time with becasuse of the distance between us. 
...
the only memory that continuously comes up in my mind was when we were all in the car on the way to the dinner and my aunt anne was yelling at him over the phone. all he did was roll his eyes and lay the phone on the dash board. picking it up every so often and saying ok honey. calm down darling. just turn left honey. 
hahaha

i want to go the funeral.
despite the amount of distance it is from home.
but flights are booked
and my dad isnt sure we are all going.
or any of us at all.

god help me,
and just when i had a beautiful day yesterday. and i was feeling a bit better.