Getting Old?
I used to be a generally pretty happy person. Sure, I had my dark moods and my unhappy times... but overall I was optimistic, I had faith in humanity, I thought positively and had hope for happiness in the future. Maybe it's selective memory - but I remember being happy.
Slowly, over the course of years, I believe this has changed. I feel like I am now more likely to be annoyed, unhappy, or downright angry - often about stupid little things. I have very little faith left in humanity, and my visions of the future are bleak and unpleasant to the point that my "life goal" right now is to move to the country and raise my own food and generate my own power - partly (though not entirely or even mostly) because when shit gets really bad in 30 or 40 years, I'll still be able to live - for better or worse.
So... what happened? Is this just what happens as you get older? Because I don't fuckin' like it.
Those of you who have known me for a long time - am I imagining this? Or have I changed? Or was I always like this and I just remember myself in a better light?
I just want to be happy again. For more than a few moments or hours at a time. I want the little annoyances to stop bothering me, I want to shrug them off - like I feel I used to be able to. I want to think of the future as a happy bright time, full of promise and opportunity and no gloom and despair. I want to have hope again.
Please.
B.
Slowly, over the course of years, I believe this has changed. I feel like I am now more likely to be annoyed, unhappy, or downright angry - often about stupid little things. I have very little faith left in humanity, and my visions of the future are bleak and unpleasant to the point that my "life goal" right now is to move to the country and raise my own food and generate my own power - partly (though not entirely or even mostly) because when shit gets really bad in 30 or 40 years, I'll still be able to live - for better or worse.
So... what happened? Is this just what happens as you get older? Because I don't fuckin' like it.
Those of you who have known me for a long time - am I imagining this? Or have I changed? Or was I always like this and I just remember myself in a better light?
I just want to be happy again. For more than a few moments or hours at a time. I want the little annoyances to stop bothering me, I want to shrug them off - like I feel I used to be able to. I want to think of the future as a happy bright time, full of promise and opportunity and no gloom and despair. I want to have hope again.
Please.
B.