People people?
I'm a "people" person. I think. Sort of, anyways. Not as much as some, but more so than I am a hermit, anyways.
I'm sure some people would disagree, but I think overall I break the "engineer" stereotype, and am fairly good at building a rapport (thanks for the word, pony!) with people. I genuinely LIKE people, I'm very social, and I generally take care to have some tact and to be polite and nice to people.
However, in the wrong mood (or perhaps the wrong company, or both) I can get into a "mode" where a) someone starts to annoy me (which might be purposeful on their part, or sometimes even though they are acting no different than normal), at which point b) I start to do my best to annoy them back. And I'm very competitive when I get in this mode - barb for barb, always a little deeper than the last. The theory is that if I "get them" good enough, they'll admit defeat and stop... and thus "let me win". The reality is, it just keeps getting worse and worse. And even more unfortunately, once I get into this "mode" I start to direct it to other people to... a) I get irritable and other people start to annoy me (even though they are acting just as they always would) and b) I start taking digs at other people, too, not just the person who sorta started it.
It's kinda fun for a while, and when I'm on a roll I can be very adept at it. But I don't LIKE the person I become... I can be a real asshole, and smile through it all so that people think it's all in fun, just a gentlemanly verbal joust. But it's not. And while I do enjoy the challenge, I don't like being an asshole. And I don't like how it goads OTHER people into being assholes to me, too. I smile and nod to indicate "good one, you got me" but... the reality is that it DOES hurt. I DO think about it the next day and wonder "Did they mean it? Even just a little bit?" and... yeah, it fucking sucks -- I don't want to be thinking that my friends are thinking those things of me. Nor do I like the thought that they would say those things to me knowing that it'll hurt me -- that's how you get good at this game, you see -- knowing what bothers other people, and pretending that nothing bothers you. Well, it bothers me. I should be able to let shit like that roll off me without even blinking, but that's not the case. Finally, I REALLY don't like that thought that those same people may be feeling the same way as I do right now, thinking about the things that I said about them.
So, why do I say all this? It happened last night. I eventually had to go for a walk (fortunately my car was parked far away) to break the little cycle, and then ran off (with legitimate excuse) for a while to let things cool down. To let ME cool down. Pissed me off, though, because it would have been nice to have a nice friendly chat without any of that shit happening. It reminds me of high school - I feel bullied and picked on. I'm more able to defend myself now, but I don't know if that's any better... 'cause then *I* feel like the bully. Can't win for losing.
Anyways, no need for anyone to feel bad about this, it's most likely me more than you, and I'm sorry to anyone who caught a lash from my sharpened tongue. I didn't mean it, honest.
Stuff stuff:
Yesterday (Sunday):
Finished commissioned tiger shirt, and delivered (well, to the owner's roommate). Hope he still likes it after having waited 9.5 months for it... man, I feel stupid about that.
Did laundry.
Straightened out kitchen a little bit, took garbage and recycling out, ran dishwasher.
Assembled bass amplifier "head" into rack-mount travel case.
Hung out with Zart a little bit. Maybe see him again tonight...
Made turkey burgers for supper, BBQ'd at Roo's place - they were decidedly fru-fru but quite good - pure turkey breast burger with spring garlic butter, dijon cream sauce, red onion, light mayonnaise, and stilton cheese. They should have been on organic spelt burger buns but I forgot to bring buns at all, so I had to borrow these wonder-bread-esque "Fun Buns". (I'm such a culinary snob. FAG!) In any case, the burgers were (in Verec's word) "Brilliant". ;)
DID NOT:
Have a band practice or review new mixes.
Deal with raspberry wine.
Clean and organize the house.
Hang out with Ari.
Today (Monday):
Work.
Work out? Depends on the evening's plans... as you'll see.
Get my Vibe's oil changed (since I have a SILVER CADILLAC ESCALADE to drive for the business trip!) if I can work it out.
Get my hair cut if I can fit it in. It's really been annoying me recently.
Tonight (Monday):
MAYBE go visit Miami and Wuff and Big Bad Wolf, and stay over, since I need to be out that way for work tomorrow morning?
MAYBE work out and hang out with Zart more?
Tuesday:
Work out west.
MAYBE hang out with Miami and Wuff and Big Bad Wolf after work?
Wednesday:
Band practice.
General to do, near future:
Prepare a calendar of gigs, vacations, studio time, etc. (for the band)
Go grocery shopping!
Do my finances.
Work on stuff for Feral! conbook and get to Ciron. (Having a working scanner will help.)
Get scanner/printer working. ;)
Work on Feral! schedule.
General to do, further future:
Buy clothes.
Mojitos, blender drinks, fursuiting, goo, and Torrle?
Get Smilee's CD to him when he's in town.
Sew - Commissioned lion shirt & ship.
Music - finish tabbing out furry songs and learn them for Feral! Need some "special" arrangements for "Closer", "The Animal Song", "Foxy Lady", "The Bad Touch"... etc.
Check out Overplay Unsigned Bands.
Check out the 102.1 The Edge website for more information on some sort of indie band night thing they have been advertising.
Filing. Sort through papers, etc.
Vibe - Shampoo carpet and double-sided-tape front fascia skirt molding back down.
Vibe - Check out 6-CD-changer cartridges for car... see if I can identify if rolliebear's spare will work in my car.
General to do, eventually:
Re-do taxes with RRSP contributions included.
Benchmark Feral! against Camp Camp (thanks for the link, joshuwain!) and see what I can learn that might help us improve Feral!
Report Superior Gas to the Better Business Bureau for lying to me. (I hate door-to-door sales.)
Decorate room - put up my carved masks, hang some curtains and such...
Apply surface to drafting board.
Sewing - "tiger shirt" project with Tora.
Sewing - black fur/suede bed comforter.
Sewing - "kangaroo" vest.
Sewing - tailoring my black dress shirt.
Fabric project - dye and paint on striped shirt. "Your adversary the Devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. (I Peter 5:8)" and another "Poor Branwyn wept, for he had no more worlds to conquer..."
B.
I'm sure some people would disagree, but I think overall I break the "engineer" stereotype, and am fairly good at building a rapport (thanks for the word, pony!) with people. I genuinely LIKE people, I'm very social, and I generally take care to have some tact and to be polite and nice to people.
However, in the wrong mood (or perhaps the wrong company, or both) I can get into a "mode" where a) someone starts to annoy me (which might be purposeful on their part, or sometimes even though they are acting no different than normal), at which point b) I start to do my best to annoy them back. And I'm very competitive when I get in this mode - barb for barb, always a little deeper than the last. The theory is that if I "get them" good enough, they'll admit defeat and stop... and thus "let me win". The reality is, it just keeps getting worse and worse. And even more unfortunately, once I get into this "mode" I start to direct it to other people to... a) I get irritable and other people start to annoy me (even though they are acting just as they always would) and b) I start taking digs at other people, too, not just the person who sorta started it.
It's kinda fun for a while, and when I'm on a roll I can be very adept at it. But I don't LIKE the person I become... I can be a real asshole, and smile through it all so that people think it's all in fun, just a gentlemanly verbal joust. But it's not. And while I do enjoy the challenge, I don't like being an asshole. And I don't like how it goads OTHER people into being assholes to me, too. I smile and nod to indicate "good one, you got me" but... the reality is that it DOES hurt. I DO think about it the next day and wonder "Did they mean it? Even just a little bit?" and... yeah, it fucking sucks -- I don't want to be thinking that my friends are thinking those things of me. Nor do I like the thought that they would say those things to me knowing that it'll hurt me -- that's how you get good at this game, you see -- knowing what bothers other people, and pretending that nothing bothers you. Well, it bothers me. I should be able to let shit like that roll off me without even blinking, but that's not the case. Finally, I REALLY don't like that thought that those same people may be feeling the same way as I do right now, thinking about the things that I said about them.
So, why do I say all this? It happened last night. I eventually had to go for a walk (fortunately my car was parked far away) to break the little cycle, and then ran off (with legitimate excuse) for a while to let things cool down. To let ME cool down. Pissed me off, though, because it would have been nice to have a nice friendly chat without any of that shit happening. It reminds me of high school - I feel bullied and picked on. I'm more able to defend myself now, but I don't know if that's any better... 'cause then *I* feel like the bully. Can't win for losing.
Anyways, no need for anyone to feel bad about this, it's most likely me more than you, and I'm sorry to anyone who caught a lash from my sharpened tongue. I didn't mean it, honest.
Stuff stuff:
Yesterday (Sunday):
DID NOT:
Today (Monday):
Tonight (Monday):
Tuesday:
Wednesday:
General to do, near future:
General to do, further future:
General to do, eventually:
B.