November 2 -- I'm done with questions
Dear Diary,
Well, there.
Hallow's End is over and nothing bad happened. Nobody was kidnapped. Nobody died. Nobody was badly injured or horrifically traumatized, at least that I know of. It's November 2 and I'm not sitting here counting up my new scars or wanting to cry. I feel good for once. Free. I've been in the city off and on the past couple of days after spending most of Hallow's End at home, having my own private Wicker Man. I've burnt a lot this year, mostly bridges, but I fed my Wicker Man plenty, and for the first time since I can't remember when, I honestly do feel free, like I really have burnt off the excess that this year gave me.
Nothing bad happened for all of Hallow's End.
Nothing bad happened for all of Brewfest.
If we keep this up until the beginning of March, we'll have gone an entire year with nothing earth-shatteringly bad happening.
This fact shouldn't make me as giddy as it does. For most people, this is what's called "normal." Nothing earth-shatteringly bad happens: no children are kidnapped, nobody is tortured, death doesn't lurk around the corner at all times. And they call that normal and all of the things that have become normal for me are horrific disasters that crumble their understanding of the way the world functions. Only with most people, one horrible thing happening is enough to send them into a spiral of fearing that they're cursed or somehow fucked over.
With us, it's been one thing after another after another and I'm still not sure that we aren't actually cursed. Perhaps the eye of fate has just turned from us for the time being, and I don't envy whomever it's turned to now.
I should take advantage of this time. I should enjoy my peace and use it to know people I wouldn't otherwise know.
But perhaps I should start with my own family. I keep meaning to meet Dad and Al Mum for dinner, but it's awkward, too, because I'm pretty sure they're still trying to figure things out. I can't imagine it would be easy. If Oliver and I had married when he was alive and when I next saw him, he was dead, I'd have a hard time adjusting as well. I just hope Mum can come to see Dad the way I do. It's a lot harder for her, I'm sure, since she didn't get to know him as he is now, but for Dad's sake, I hope things get sorted.
In terms of blood family, I really need to spend some time with Llew soon. The last time we spent time together, he sort of got neglected in favor of talking about that Tatters thing (an operation that went nowhere), and I feel like we haven't had a moment to sit down and just be Senkha and Llew together, and I miss that. It might be something that ties me irrevocably to a childhood that wasn't exactly sunny or wonderful, but I miss it.
I just miss people in general. That's one of the things you sacrifice when you leave Stormwind behind to try and find some peace somewhere. Yes, we've found peace, and no, we're not being harmed or threatened or targeted any longer, but there are people I miss. Llew. Dad. Shepard. Arubrey (where is he, anyway?). And that's probably why I keep flying up to Stormwind, even though it breaks the peaceful routine I've created for myself. I keep hoping I'll see the people I love so that retiring away from danger and chaos doesn't mean losing touch with everyone.
-S.
Well, there.
Hallow's End is over and nothing bad happened. Nobody was kidnapped. Nobody died. Nobody was badly injured or horrifically traumatized, at least that I know of. It's November 2 and I'm not sitting here counting up my new scars or wanting to cry. I feel good for once. Free. I've been in the city off and on the past couple of days after spending most of Hallow's End at home, having my own private Wicker Man. I've burnt a lot this year, mostly bridges, but I fed my Wicker Man plenty, and for the first time since I can't remember when, I honestly do feel free, like I really have burnt off the excess that this year gave me.
Nothing bad happened for all of Hallow's End.
Nothing bad happened for all of Brewfest.
If we keep this up until the beginning of March, we'll have gone an entire year with nothing earth-shatteringly bad happening.
This fact shouldn't make me as giddy as it does. For most people, this is what's called "normal." Nothing earth-shatteringly bad happens: no children are kidnapped, nobody is tortured, death doesn't lurk around the corner at all times. And they call that normal and all of the things that have become normal for me are horrific disasters that crumble their understanding of the way the world functions. Only with most people, one horrible thing happening is enough to send them into a spiral of fearing that they're cursed or somehow fucked over.
With us, it's been one thing after another after another and I'm still not sure that we aren't actually cursed. Perhaps the eye of fate has just turned from us for the time being, and I don't envy whomever it's turned to now.
I should take advantage of this time. I should enjoy my peace and use it to know people I wouldn't otherwise know.
But perhaps I should start with my own family. I keep meaning to meet Dad and Al Mum for dinner, but it's awkward, too, because I'm pretty sure they're still trying to figure things out. I can't imagine it would be easy. If Oliver and I had married when he was alive and when I next saw him, he was dead, I'd have a hard time adjusting as well. I just hope Mum can come to see Dad the way I do. It's a lot harder for her, I'm sure, since she didn't get to know him as he is now, but for Dad's sake, I hope things get sorted.
In terms of blood family, I really need to spend some time with Llew soon. The last time we spent time together, he sort of got neglected in favor of talking about that Tatters thing (an operation that went nowhere), and I feel like we haven't had a moment to sit down and just be Senkha and Llew together, and I miss that. It might be something that ties me irrevocably to a childhood that wasn't exactly sunny or wonderful, but I miss it.
I just miss people in general. That's one of the things you sacrifice when you leave Stormwind behind to try and find some peace somewhere. Yes, we've found peace, and no, we're not being harmed or threatened or targeted any longer, but there are people I miss. Llew. Dad. Shepard. Arubrey (where is he, anyway?). And that's probably why I keep flying up to Stormwind, even though it breaks the peaceful routine I've created for myself. I keep hoping I'll see the people I love so that retiring away from danger and chaos doesn't mean losing touch with everyone.
-S.