Sad or something
I don't know if I should let it bother me that sometimes Heather and i just have days where we don't talk very well to eachother. I don't really know what's going on in her head sometimes, but I can tell when she sounds upset or unhappy, and when she doesn't fill me in on things, I start trying to figure out what it is but only to myself. I get to scared to ask her, cuz I know how irritable she gets when i ask her questions about anything. Right now she's angry about my family getting her sick. I hope it doesn't affect her household too much, cuz it could also mean her failing the meap I guess. And i think it's also dangerous for members of her family too. It's kind of sadening that she doesn't want to see me today, it's also a little more disheartening that she insisted on ending our phone conversation by saying i'll talk to you "someday". maybe that means that she thinks I'm not gonna call her or that i'm gonna neglect to keep in contact with her for some reason, or maybe it means that she'll talk to me whenever she's done being sick, or maybe she's angry that she won't see me all weekend and she's saying it as a way to show how upset she is about that and she's not upset with me, and maybe she's just worried that I'm gonna give up on her someday and this whole time that I'm worried about her I should realize that she's actually worried about me. But in any case, I try so hard to let her know how much she means to me, and maybe she's just not catching it. I just wish i could make her happy more often and stop feeling like i'm always hurting her. I really love her. If i can change myself in anyway, i want to know what i have to do so i can get a start on it somehow.