(no subject)
i don't know whether i am awake or asleep sometimes. we experience periods of time where things are fantastic. i am constantly reminded of why we are together and why i want to spend the rest of my life with you. then there are smudges on the film and taints the rest of the scenes. i wish i had the all the answers, but i don't and I might not ever.
after a year and a half i still can't say what you want me to say. i am not going to transform this into a name calling episode. you have every right to be upset but if you had been listening at all, you would have known that i had considered you 'worthy' a long time ago. from the beginning. and i still do. i believe the theory that life is a cycle because i always end up in the same place. uncertainty to me is better than knowing that the answer is something that can never be changed. i knew what i was doing when i proposed. i know you won't believe me when i say this, but a lot of things i do now, i am consciously aware of what it is i am doing. when it comes to you, though, i have to allow my heart to take precedence over my mind.
i know the love is there but there is just something that isn't. it's not the way it used to be.
i'm here. let's talk. even you, dan.
after a year and a half i still can't say what you want me to say. i am not going to transform this into a name calling episode. you have every right to be upset but if you had been listening at all, you would have known that i had considered you 'worthy' a long time ago. from the beginning. and i still do. i believe the theory that life is a cycle because i always end up in the same place. uncertainty to me is better than knowing that the answer is something that can never be changed. i knew what i was doing when i proposed. i know you won't believe me when i say this, but a lot of things i do now, i am consciously aware of what it is i am doing. when it comes to you, though, i have to allow my heart to take precedence over my mind.
i know the love is there but there is just something that isn't. it's not the way it used to be.
i'm here. let's talk. even you, dan.