(no subject)
alrighty so today ive done a lot of thinking again....and. i didnt get anything out of it. i just know that i have some friends i wish i didnt have.and i just want to forget the days we spent together. but i cant. and i wont. and GRR im so mad at myself. i have these to do lists but nothing gets crossed out. yes thats a bright eyes song lol. i hate people my own age. cept for a few and they know who they are. but i just want to get out of here!! im not depressed...and i know you all think i am or still was but im not. im perfectly fine with my life. i may not have the best life, i may want to change a few or a lot about it, but im fine with it. i wouldnt have my family/life anyother way. i wouldnt change me or anything about it. and thats ironic. a couple entries back i wrote about how i rather be anyone then myself. how i would rather die then continue this life.and that makes me sad. very sad. i look around and see most kids enjoying there middle school years and then look at mine and just...sigh...but i dont regret anything. nothing at all.
and middle school love is a joke. ive also realized im only playing tricks on my own mind. i DONT like anyone in this school. if i did you would know it already. i'm not into going out with people just because your bored or because it gives u a good rep. that used to get me so worried, how everyone has a boyfriend but myself. i used to beat myself up for it. think of a billion things wrong with me and punish myself for every mark on my body. now, i can truely say this.I.DO NOT.CARE. i can wait for a boyfriend i actually like in highschool. and if im a loser for not getting a boyfriend in highschool, then fuck off and speak for yourself. its so hard to not find somthing wrong with me, or not compare myself to other girls and say im not as pretty. but i swear to god that im trying. im trying with everything i have not to do what i always do.
and thanks for all the friends that were always there. and thanks to my new friends that im sure i can count on to be there for the future.you guys rock <3