Chaotically Serene
In 2 weeks time, I'll be back.
I'll have said goodbye to Hawaii and all that it holds and I'll be welcomed home by My Washington.
Life right now is so unbelievable. It feels like everything is swirling beautifully around me;
Can't quite get my feet on the ground, but it's almost preferred I don't, not yet at least.
::Chaotically Serene::
Life is at a point where, although there is a path I must follow and certain things that are inevitable, absolutely every other part if it is unknown and the possibilities are endless.
I know once grad school and moving to California come closer, I will feel less 'blissful free spirit' and more 'frightened pathetic mess'.... but for now I choose not to dwell on grim reality and focus more on enjoying the view from a head up much too far in the clouds.
It always surprises me, that I have the ability to be this optimistic in general, but especially when things aren't even currently how I want them to be.
The boy front is... full of gray areas. In fact it's covered in them. There is nothing black and white about it and normally I'd be squirming with apprehension of the unknown.
But for whatever reason, I'm elated with the uncertainty. I've learned not to question it anymore and instead relish in the possibilities. It feels like there's multiple loose ends and unfinished business and normally I'd be dying to get closure and move forward and close chapters. But life doesn't work like that. Things aren't supposed to be so cut and dry and trying to force everything into a neat little box with crisp edges and covers that fit nicely on top is a losing battle.
I'm embracing this. I'm surrounding myself with people I love and who I enjoy and not letting myself worry about the rest.
I'm proud of where I'm at in life. Comparatively, I'm behind some, and light years ahead of others, but that's just the thing.. I need to learn not to compare. There will always be people where I want to be and people who are where I've been. I can't catch up and I can't go back, I just have to be where I am...and trust it's where I'm supposed to be.
I'm looking forward to summer in ways I can't even put into words.
I haven't had a summer in Washington since '08. Summer in the Northwest is something that just can't be beat. I hope to take advantage of it instead of just wasting it away.
I don't have a job at this point, and although I need one.. I refuse to let it rule my life. I'm not missing out on friends and family and summer fun in the NW for some silly job just so I can have some extra cash. I refuse to let money rule my life like that. I know it's not the smartest outlook, but when I've got hundreds of thousands of dollars I'm going to be in debt.. Knowing that debt is inevitable has kind of caused me to lighten up on the money issue, because really I have no control over the mountain of debt that is going to pile up from grad school.
Again with this starry eyed optimism. It's sickening actually haha.
It's comforting to know that nothing is definite.
I'll have said goodbye to Hawaii and all that it holds and I'll be welcomed home by My Washington.
Life right now is so unbelievable. It feels like everything is swirling beautifully around me;
Can't quite get my feet on the ground, but it's almost preferred I don't, not yet at least.
::Chaotically Serene::
Life is at a point where, although there is a path I must follow and certain things that are inevitable, absolutely every other part if it is unknown and the possibilities are endless.
I know once grad school and moving to California come closer, I will feel less 'blissful free spirit' and more 'frightened pathetic mess'.... but for now I choose not to dwell on grim reality and focus more on enjoying the view from a head up much too far in the clouds.
It always surprises me, that I have the ability to be this optimistic in general, but especially when things aren't even currently how I want them to be.
The boy front is... full of gray areas. In fact it's covered in them. There is nothing black and white about it and normally I'd be squirming with apprehension of the unknown.
But for whatever reason, I'm elated with the uncertainty. I've learned not to question it anymore and instead relish in the possibilities. It feels like there's multiple loose ends and unfinished business and normally I'd be dying to get closure and move forward and close chapters. But life doesn't work like that. Things aren't supposed to be so cut and dry and trying to force everything into a neat little box with crisp edges and covers that fit nicely on top is a losing battle.
I'm embracing this. I'm surrounding myself with people I love and who I enjoy and not letting myself worry about the rest.
I'm proud of where I'm at in life. Comparatively, I'm behind some, and light years ahead of others, but that's just the thing.. I need to learn not to compare. There will always be people where I want to be and people who are where I've been. I can't catch up and I can't go back, I just have to be where I am...and trust it's where I'm supposed to be.
I'm looking forward to summer in ways I can't even put into words.
I haven't had a summer in Washington since '08. Summer in the Northwest is something that just can't be beat. I hope to take advantage of it instead of just wasting it away.
I don't have a job at this point, and although I need one.. I refuse to let it rule my life. I'm not missing out on friends and family and summer fun in the NW for some silly job just so I can have some extra cash. I refuse to let money rule my life like that. I know it's not the smartest outlook, but when I've got hundreds of thousands of dollars I'm going to be in debt.. Knowing that debt is inevitable has kind of caused me to lighten up on the money issue, because really I have no control over the mountain of debt that is going to pile up from grad school.
Again with this starry eyed optimism. It's sickening actually haha.
It's comforting to know that nothing is definite.