Lately
Lately I've been crying myself to sleep a lot. I've felt so deprived of love that I have to have dreams about waking up in the hospital and being surrounded by my friends to remember that they love me. Only sometimes, in my dream, I wake up and there's no one there.
Lately I've been needing lots of hugs, and not recieving any, except from the maroon bear.
Lately I've been wanting to destroy something beautiful. To slam my fists into someone's face over and over again until it's all gone, only blood and fleshly pulp and pieces of bone and brain matter. Until all my feelings of hurt and betrayal and neglect have been pounded away. Even though, lately, I know that wouldn't make it go away at all.
And lately, I've been feeling very self destructive. I can't sleep when I go to bed at night, and I lie there thinking about all the different ways there are to hurt oneself. The physical and the psychological.
Lately, it's been one of those break down things. Where you can't reach the people--or person--you need, and everyone around you is too wrapped up in their own problems to help you with your own, so you just keep your mouth shut about your own problems and listen to theirs. Because whenever you start to talk about yours, they either turn their heads and begin to distract themselves, or they somehow almost immediately find some way to find similarities between your problems and their problems, and they manage to turn the conversation back to their problems.
Lately, it's been the story of my life, over, and over and over again.
Lately I've been needing lots of hugs, and not recieving any, except from the maroon bear.
Lately I've been wanting to destroy something beautiful. To slam my fists into someone's face over and over again until it's all gone, only blood and fleshly pulp and pieces of bone and brain matter. Until all my feelings of hurt and betrayal and neglect have been pounded away. Even though, lately, I know that wouldn't make it go away at all.
And lately, I've been feeling very self destructive. I can't sleep when I go to bed at night, and I lie there thinking about all the different ways there are to hurt oneself. The physical and the psychological.
Lately, it's been one of those break down things. Where you can't reach the people--or person--you need, and everyone around you is too wrapped up in their own problems to help you with your own, so you just keep your mouth shut about your own problems and listen to theirs. Because whenever you start to talk about yours, they either turn their heads and begin to distract themselves, or they somehow almost immediately find some way to find similarities between your problems and their problems, and they manage to turn the conversation back to their problems.
Lately, it's been the story of my life, over, and over and over again.