lost at home...
I was in the shower just now, letting the water pour down on me, just staring at the wall with my arms folded over my chest like someone in a casket. I couldn't get the water hot enough... I couldn't really feel it. I am feeling overwhelmed. I feel somewhat numb, possibly depressed. I think it's because it's really hit me, walking around the house and seeing all of the packed boxes, that I'm about to start living away from 
the person who matters most in my life. A person I can't be with or live with anymore. I just don't know how I'll be able to do that when she's been there for the past five years. And I can't even tell her this when she calls repeatedly or IMs me... I post it to LJ instead hoping she'll read it and understand that my anger isn't directed at her, it's at myself for not knowing what to do next. I've lived on my own before, but now that she's been a part of my life I find that letting go and moving on is harder than I am showing.
Oh yes, I'm the great pretender
Pretending that I'm doing well
My need is such I pretend too much
I'm lonely but no one can tell
Oh yes, I'm the great pretender
Adrift in a world of my own
I play the game but to my real shame
You left me to dream all alone
I suppose it doesn't help that all I've had for food today has been Chocolate Skittles and toast... or that the guy didn't call like he said he would.
the person who matters most in my life. A person I can't be with or live with anymore. I just don't know how I'll be able to do that when she's been there for the past five years. And I can't even tell her this when she calls repeatedly or IMs me... I post it to LJ instead hoping she'll read it and understand that my anger isn't directed at her, it's at myself for not knowing what to do next. I've lived on my own before, but now that she's been a part of my life I find that letting go and moving on is harder than I am showing.
Oh yes, I'm the great pretender
Pretending that I'm doing well
My need is such I pretend too much
I'm lonely but no one can tell
Oh yes, I'm the great pretender
Adrift in a world of my own
I play the game but to my real shame
You left me to dream all alone
I suppose it doesn't help that all I've had for food today has been Chocolate Skittles and toast... or that the guy didn't call like he said he would.
