I miss my Nana...
Well, my sister hurt me today... it's happened before but this time...it drove me to tears. I told my mom I was leaving and didn't know if I was going to come back... So I got into my car...and laid my head on the steering wheel and cried. I drove to QD to deposit my check and when I got back in the car I realized that I didn't have anywhere to go but back home. Normally I would have run to my Nana's house, and things would have been made right again. But I can't do that...
Holidays are always hard when you have holes in your family. My Papa told my mom that the one thing he wanted for Christmas this year was...my nana. So she found a family video and we all watched it and cried. We all miss her...but it seems that this hurt that I feel from her loss is never going to heal...
It's been 6 years in April and I still hurt everyday. When something good happens to me I immediately think... 'I wish I could call and tell Nana'. She missed my graduation...my solo in West Side Story... she will miss my graduation from College... my wedding...and my children. I miss her so much it hurts. I write this entry hurt, and with tears running down my cheek...by my sister and because the one person that understood me...and accepted me is gone and I have no one to turn to anymore.
I don't know how much longer I am going to be able to take this being alone thing... I mean... I'm tired of the loosing game. I don't want to play anymore. I don't know what else to write... I just want to stop hurting... and I want things to be okay again... but you know? my life has changed...and it will never be the same again... never again...
I have lost everything that matters most in this world to me. All except my music...and my talent to write...but right now...neither is going anywhere.
Bye...
Holidays are always hard when you have holes in your family. My Papa told my mom that the one thing he wanted for Christmas this year was...my nana. So she found a family video and we all watched it and cried. We all miss her...but it seems that this hurt that I feel from her loss is never going to heal...
It's been 6 years in April and I still hurt everyday. When something good happens to me I immediately think... 'I wish I could call and tell Nana'. She missed my graduation...my solo in West Side Story... she will miss my graduation from College... my wedding...and my children. I miss her so much it hurts. I write this entry hurt, and with tears running down my cheek...by my sister and because the one person that understood me...and accepted me is gone and I have no one to turn to anymore.
I don't know how much longer I am going to be able to take this being alone thing... I mean... I'm tired of the loosing game. I don't want to play anymore. I don't know what else to write... I just want to stop hurting... and I want things to be okay again... but you know? my life has changed...and it will never be the same again... never again...
I have lost everything that matters most in this world to me. All except my music...and my talent to write...but right now...neither is going anywhere.
Bye...